People at gigs are dicks

I get the train to London five times a week and it never excites me. However, last Saturday was a different kettle of salmon as I embarked on my journey, not only because I had two ice cold cans of miscellaneous European beer in hand, but because I knew that at the other end was Amon Amarth, Ensiferum, Children of Bodom, and me old mucker Si Mitchell.

Me and Mitchell have been mates for the best part of twelve years and although we lost touch in the pre-Facebook void of time that no-one under 23 can comprehend, we chat on a regular basis. Normally about complete bollocks. On this occasion though there was something of substance to discuss and after I'd failed to identify about 80% of the band logos he'd tattooed on his own leg (mainly as I'm shit at that game) he told me about his new t-shirt company Zukie. Si's always been an excellent artist and has set this company up with A frontman Jason Perry and quite randomly, Dougie Poynter from boyband popsters McFly. The stuff is good, so buy something here.

Shameless plug aside, we drank a couple of quick pints, I fell down some stairs, we said goodbye, hugged, and Si and his missus went off to see ska punk legends Capdown whilst I made my way to Children of Bodom's headline
affair.

The monumentally long queue outside the HMV Forum was something to behold and frustratingly it meant I missed a big chunk of openers Ensiferum. Still, beer in hand I waded down to the front and caught a few numbers from their arsenal of frankly awesome folk death metal. They left the stage to make way for the mighty Amon Amarth - the main band I wanted to see.

And see them I did, through the view finders of 200 fucking digital cameras.

People: when we go to see bands, we go to see bands and listen to music. We go to enjoy an atmosphere and drink a couple of pints. We go to run around shirtless like retarded poultry. We do not go so we can all take two hours of video and upload it to YouTube. If you want to watch videos of the band, buy a FUCKING DVD. Because I can tell you this right now, my pretty little damp-chinned wonders; the next person who stands in front of me filming whilst I'm trying to get my metal on will be removing said camera/phone in several pieces from their anus.

Once my rage had subsided I got into the Amon Amarth experience and their epic onstage windmilling set the girl next to me off, only every rotation of her head saw her hair dunking into my pint of Tetley and the whipping me
in the face. Rather that than the camera wankers, mind.

Frontman Johan Hegg is an absolute beast who's vocals are deep enough rupture your spleen. These boys are bonafide Viking through and through and the set was everything you would expect; loud, fast, soaring guitar riffs, and Twilight of the Thunder Gods, which set the crowd off. I was buzzing.

When Children of Bodom took the stage, I started to get a wee bit bored. Maybe Amon Amarth were too good but Alexi Laiho et al didn't excite me tonight. I've seen them twice before and remember thinking "I thought they'd have been better". I might be wrong (unlikely) but for me COB are ace on record, a bit uninteresting on stage.

I left about an hour into their set and began the long arduous journey home in my usual post-gig state; ears ringing, completely broke and 100% drunk.

Good times.

M
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Out with the old, in with the old

Happy New Year and all that bollocks, I hope you all had a suitably pleasant festive period filled with merriment, alcohol abuse and occasional inappropriate fumblings.

I must have been good this year, as I received a fantastic array of goodness from Santa Claus's sack...but terrible jokes about a jolly fat man in a red onesy aside, Christmas was a good haul. A highlight was receiving the Ensiferum Victory Songs/Dragonhead double album from my mum and dad who, with a combined age nudging 120, are now receiving emails from Amazon recommending Trigger The Bloodshed and Megadeth. This officially makes my parents awesome.

Bro Dude also excelled himself buy procuring me a pretty much mint vinyl copy of Def Leppard's Hysteria and Dio's The Next In Line. Also in my stocking, however, was an album that can only be described as phenomenal. Not only is the track list amazing but the title and artwork is just...well, see for yourself:

Axe Anthems, vol. 2 is the best album cover I have ever seen. I took this opinion to Twitter and was soon conversing with fellow metalhead Iain (follow him at @Dizzydalek). He couldn't believe that there was a volume 2, being himself in possession of the original:

Whilst the Axe Attack series is clearly as rock as it gets, the pinnacle of heavy metal album covers must surely be this, another of Iain's collection:

A metal robot with metal tits riding a metal horse that's shooting lasers from it's eyes? You'd better believe it. These three albums alone exemplify why just downloading music files from the Internet is boring; a JPEG thumbnail of cover art is hardly comparable to a 144-square inch picture of two men in vests fighting with guitars now, is it?? Iain is also the brains behind Cack Blabbath so head on over there too; tell him MADman sent you.

So with a week down and 51 more to go, I'm pretty excited about this year. Tonnes of good music on the way, both live and recorded, lots of new developments with Metal Harmony, no doubt shit loads of hangovers, and the continuation of my crusade to convince people in my office that metal is better than the shit they listen to. Cannot fucking wait. 2011, bring it on.

Much love,
M
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