Reading: A memoir

Ah, the Reading and Leeds festival. A true staple of the August Bank Holiday. My very first festival experience was way back in 1998 when the Reading Festival didn't have a Leeds bit bolted on. Bro Dude, my sister and I trucked down with our immensley complex tent and set about enjoying a weekend of musical variety.

The highlight of Reading '98 was the Vans Warped Tour. That year saw Bad Religion, Lagwagon and No Fun At All on the same stage which for a 16-year-old MADman was about as exciting as life could get. I spent my hard earned pocket money on a Lagwagon hoody which I wore solidly for the next two years of college and still don to this very day. It's a bit on the grey side and there a large, suspicious burn mark in the front but it's still without doubt my favourite item of clothing.

It was the first time I had gotten well and truly battered with my siblings. Clearly the age restrictions on booze were a little more lax back then as I distinctly emember me and Bro Dude sitting in the middle of the main arena smashing pint after pint of lager in front of Monster Magnet and Rocket from the Crypt. I also treated myself to 20 Silk Cut which I shared with my sister as we sat in front of the tent discussing life, the universe and everything when Bro Dude had drunkenly passed out somewhere. We took that opportunity to imbibe about four litres of Strongbow, resulting in me hanging my head out of the tent and vomitting. The police walked up and asked me if I was okay, I explained it was my first festival, they moved along. They were simple times.

New Order graced the main stage that year and despite my teenage drunken fug I remember being blown away by True Faith, which remains my favourite song of theirs. Peter Hook's short-lived side project Monaco were there that year too so Bro Dude got two slices of his bass hero that weekend.

As a lifelong Prodigy fan watching them destroy the mainstage was pretty bleeding spectacular. I remember little of their set, apart from dancing like a twat in the vain hope that my chubby legs were moving vaguely like Leeroy Thornhill's in the No Good (Start the Dance) video. They weren't. Obviously. And the dancing continued with drum and bass Mercury Music Prize winner Roni Size who played in a tent, and it was loud, and that's all I can remember...

There was also a chap walking around selling hash cigarettes for a pound each and although I didn't partake (I promise, mum) I remember thinking that was a bargain, even then.

So as the crowds descend upon Berkshire and Yorkshire this year, I hope a marvellous time is had by all. The line up isn't setting my groin ablaze but as always with this festival there are some awesome punk and hardcore outfits to be seen.

Still, there's no Lagwagon, so whatever.

M

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You're the best, around...

A few mates and I used to play a game, normally during working hours whilst we were pretending to be busy and professional. You've probably all done it but the rules are simple; who would be your ultimate super group? You can have as many people as you like provided that combined, they make a cohesive band, so twelve lead guitarists is not acceptable. But if you feel the need to put in a sitar player then it's perfectly acceptable to get yourself a bit of Ravi Shankar in the lineup.

Today I've decided to revisit this high level piece of musical analysis on a genre-specific basis, although I'm not breaking down into 'death metal', 'black metal', 'hardcore' and so on because some total bellend will invariably have a hissy fit about who fits where. So with this in mind:

Punk Supergroup

Vocals - Greg Graffin, Bad Religion

Lead guitar/backing vocals - Frankie Stubbs, Leatherface

Rhythm guitar - Eric Melvin, NoFX

Bass - Matt Freeman, Rancid

Drums - Derrick Plourde, formerly Lagwagon

Metal Supergroup

Vocals - Ryan McCombs Drowning Pool

Lead guitar - Dave Mustaine Megadeth

Rhythm guitar - Dimebag Darrell Abbott formerly Pantera/Damageplan

Bass - Steve Harris Iron Maiden

Drums - John Boeklin DevilDriver

Stadium Rock Ultra Awesome Supergroup

Vocals - David Coverdale, Whitesnake

Lead guitar - Mark Knopfler, Dire Straits

Rhythm guitar - Steve Stills, Crosby, Still and Nash

Bass - Bakithi Kumalo, African bassist, played on Paul Simon's Gracelands album

Drums - Keith Moon, The Who

It's something you can spend a bollock-achingly long time on and it brings out the twat in us all, as no-one agrees. But the beauty of it is there's no right or wrong answer. Unless your line-up includes any members of My Chemical Romance.

If you can be arsed, post your winners on here.

Peace, love and painful intercourse,

M

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The Inevitable Top Ten of 2010

After much deliberation, Metal Harmony is proud to present the Top Ten of 2010. This wasn't an easy one to be honest, and I very nearly bottled it and went for a Top Twelve so apologies to Annotations Of An Autopsy and Black Country Communion - so close, yet so far. And Justin Bieber narrowly missed a position. But let's be honest; you didn't come hear to read an intro, you came to hear to see which beauties I picked.

So without further ado let's get ready to rumba...

10. Eluveitie - Everything Remains (As It Never Was)

Despite being released in the opening weeks of 2010, Everything Remains.... was rarely bettered this year. Whilst this album has received mixed reviews, in my eyes the undeniably fantastic mix of traditional Celtic folk music and brutal heavy metal is something to behold. You're not sure whether to stand on a Highland mound, hair blowing in the wind, gazing out over the horizon, or down a bottle of Newcastle Brown and smash it over your head.

9. Valkyrja - Contamination

Thoroughly unpleasent and as heavy as a Sumo wrestler's first dump of the day following an All You Can Eat Steak And Lentils party, Sweden's Valkyrja have no place for the theatrical over-production of more succesful black metal bands. Breakneck speed and acid-gargling vocals combine to create a phenomenally bleak atmosphere. Brilliant.

8. Iron Maiden - The Final Frontier

There is no doubt that The Final Frontier was the most highly anticipated metal release of 2010. From newly-annointed teens in Drop Dead t-shirts to fat denim-clad 50-somethings with mullets, we eagerly waited for the Irons' new album to drop. First single Eldorado was greeted with mixed reviews, as was follow up The Final Frontier and when it hit the shelves, there was some disappointment. Okay, it's not Number Of The Beast or Live After Death but it's undeniably Maiden. Huge riffs, galloping drums and one of the greatest metal vocalists of all time mean The Final Frontier is a worthy addition to any metal fan's collection.

7. Dyscarnate - Enduring The Massacre

Horsham in West Sussex isn't the most obvious place to find a slice of highest quality extreme/death metal. With Enduring The Massacre, Dyscarnate recorded as a four-piece but lost their second guitarist, so played the live tour as a trio. Despite's vocalist Tom Whitty's concerns, I saw them debut this crushing arrangement and my bowels subsequently collapsed. So heavy it would make Kerry King cry like a bitch.

6. Bad Religion - 30 Years Live

I know it's a bit of a cheat to have a live/'best of' but I run this shit, so deal with it. Bad Religion gave the fans a treat-and-a-half by offering this album totally free. No obligation to join fan clubs, no daily spam emails, just click on a link and it's yours. As a result, the website's traffic rocketed resulting in mass failure to download, but this was eventually rectified once the inital burst of "me firsts" had chilled out. Recorded during the 30th anniversary tour, it's easy to hear why Bad Religion have been around as a band for longer than I've been alive. Quite frankly one of the greatest punk outfits of all time.

5. System Divide - The Conscious Sedation

Clean female vocals, massive breakdowns, death grunts - The Conscious Sedation could have been a contrived piece of detritus. Instead, it's one of my favourite albums this year. Both unremittingly heavy and beautifully harmonic, System Divide fuse all manner of metal genres through out The Conscious Sedation and although I'm sure a large percentage of metal fans will think it's toilet, I can't get enough.

4. Wormrot - Abuse

Hailing from the metal mecca that is Singapore, this trio's Earache debut is an example of straight up, in your fucking face grindcore. Without doubt one of the heaviest albums of the year, this opus full of 20-second blastbeat-riddled screams and cruching, distorted guitar has catapulted Wormrot into the grindcore public eye. You simply will not find a bad review of either Abuse, or any of their extensive European/North American live shows. Awesome.

3. Alter Bridge - AB III

After a decent debut and frankly remarkable second album, Alter Bridge were under pressure to deliver with their tricky third, and by David Lee Roth's trousers did they do a good job. Frontman Myles Kennedy is one of the greatest vocalists of our time and despite the fact that the rest of the band are from post-grunge God botherers Creed, with Kennedy in the chair they are a truly exquisite proposition. From immensley heavy riffs to lighter-waving melodies, AB III is an absolute blinder.

2. Leatherface - The Stormy Petrel

Six years after the release of the less-than-spectacular Dog Disco, Leatherface returned to form this year. The multi-layered guitars we grew to know and love back in the day are here again thanks to the return of man mountain Dickie Hammond. Frankie Stubbs' rough-as-fuck vocals once again deliver the irreverent and poetic metaphors that only Sunderland's finest can execute, and despite not having the raw, under-produced feel of their earlier work The Stormy Petrel is another momentous Leatherface album.

1. Dommin - Love is Gone

Dommin arrived on the scene this year with the greatest debut I have heard for many moons. Combining the melancholy of Type O Negative with the catchy hooks of HIM, Love Is Gone is start-to-finish brilliance. Listening to it makes you feel depressed, elated, amorous, neglected, and every other emotion under the sun. I was blown away on first listen, even more so after witnessing two exceptional sets at Download 2010. Dommin have raised the bar to stratospheric levels so there's a huge amount of pressure on the as-yet-to-be-discussed follow up. I for one can't wait.

So there we have it. Job done. A pretty fucking robust list, in my opinion. No doubt there'll be some disagreements and grievances; feel free to air these in any way you see fit, as long as it doesn't involve coming to my house and throwing shit at the windows. That can get really tiresome.

I've got one final post left in me for 2010 - a round-up of the year, if you will, which will look at some of the best gigs, worst albums, and general musings on the imminent passing of the twelve-month. This may not be next week due to a fully booked agenda of drinking and vomiting for the next few days...but it will be soon...

Ciao for now motherfuckers and motherfuckettes

M

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