I am jealous

As previously whinged about, I sadly shan't be attending the mighty Download this year but alas, it is my duty as an opinionated wannabe music journalist to cast my tuppence into the ring. Obviously the headliners are all bleedin' marvellous but lets not forget the smorgasbord of quality outfits also sharing the woodwork. Ergo, these are the 5 bands that I reckon are going to destroy the stage this weekend.

Machine Head
Obvious, really. Stalwarts of Donnington Park and fresh off the back of an arena tour supporting the epic Unto the Locust, Machine Head will be looking to convince crowds and festival bosses alike that they are ready for the much-coveted main stage headline slot.

Skindred
I may not be the worlds biggest Skindred fan but Christ alive they can play a live show. Benji Webb refuses to age and has more energy than almost any other metal frontman. Come rain or shine, the Newport Helicopters will no doubt come out in force during Warning.

Cancer Bats
Developing a reputation as one of the most exciting live bands of the moment is no mean feat and there's no doubt in my mind that the Canadian hardcore mob will show that they deserve their main stage billing.

Europe
90% of the crowd will go to hear the Final Countdown and will walk away dumbfounded that such an astounding rock band is known for such a shit song. Rumoured to be dropping Countdown from their live sets, they'll definitely play it at Download but On Broken Wings, Rock the Night and Ready or Not will silence all detractors and set the place off.

Sebastian Bach
Last year's Kicking and Screaming was a surprising inclusion in the Metal Harmony Top 10 of the Year and showed that the former Skid Row frontman still has the chops to deliver proper heavy metal anthems. As he only has a 30-min set I hope he focuses on new material, although 18 and Life wouldn't go amiss.
I'd also like to see Emmure to establish if they are as abysmal live as they are on record.

It's good to see the Devildriver boys back on the main stage but I have mixed feelings about their late morning, 30-min set. Four places below Lamb of God is a bit harsh but sharing a stage with Megadeth, Soundgarden and Black Sabbath does make main stage Sunday a bit of premium metal real estate.

The weather looks fucking dreadful but to be honest, who cares? That's why god invented excessive drinking.

If you're going, or are already there, have a dirty great belter, you lucky bastards.

M
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A plea

I feel somewhat deflated this year. Knowing full well that I won't be attending any festivals is a bit of a shitbag, and this will be the first time in five years I've not done a shit in a hot plastic cupboard after a day drinking weak lager.

I'm not too worried though; the Download lineup is rubbish at present anyway.*

*Please sense the fucking irony.

But emo grumblings aside, 'tis still the season to enjoy righteous tunage. There's been some absolute winners landing at Metal Harmony HQ over the past few weeks, notably the latest Allegaeon album, Formshifter,  which is as superb as melodic death metal gets. Most recently though, there's the latest self-titled release from deathcore giants Whitechapel, which will be getting a proper picking apart on the pages of MetalasFuck.net in the next few days, and is bloody marvellous.

However, if there is one thing the Metal Harmony headphones have been lacking it's a new, proper good punk outfit. Many weeks have elapsed since Executioners came to my attention, but now I'm after something along the lines of Rise Against, Strung Out, Lagwagon; I feel like this kind of music simply doesn't exist anymore.

Ergo, consider today a plea: I NEED SKATE PUNK. It simply ain't summer without skate punk. If you can't listen to NOFX whilst drinking a million beers at a barbecue then summer might as well fuck off. My request is simply that if any of you lot know of a band that might have slipped under my radar, drop me a line.

Hook a brother up, people.

M
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Back for good

My absence for the last few weeks can be explained by one small thing, which weighed 8.3lbs and was born on February 20th. She's just about the most amazing thing I've ever seen and I am one over the moon motherfucker. I can't wait until she's a bit older and coming with me and her mum to Family Camping at Download.

Speaking of Download, it's going to be one hell of a festival this year not only due to the stellar line up, but also down to yesterday's confirmation from the organisers of Sonisphere that this year's Knebworth event is cancelled. In terms of festival news, this is a pretty effing big story.

The official statements from Sonisphere is as follows:

"It is with very heavy hearts and much regret that we announce the cancellation of Sonisphere Knebworth 2012.

Putting the festival together in what is proving to be a very challenging year was more difficult than we anticipated and we have spent the last few months fighting hard to keep Sonisphere in the calendar. Unfortunately circumstances have dictated that we would be unable to run the festival to a standard that both the artists and that Sonisphere’s audience would rightly expect.

We want to express our deepest regrets to the artists and to thank all the staff, suppliers and contractors who worked so hard with us to try and pull off what has proven to be an impossible task and we know how much they share in our disappointment.  We also want to send a huge thanks to the Sonisphere fans who stuck by us and we are so sorry that we can’t fulfil what we set out to do.

Ticket holders will automatically receive a full refund direct from their ticket agents.

Team Sonisphere."

Download Festival organiser Andy Copping has come out and said that he's 'not jumping for joy', which is thoroughly decent of him but let's be honest; if your biggest competitor dies on it's arse there will be an inevitable sense of relief. And despite the fact that Download is remaining a three day event, the bill will now expand to accommodate some of the bands from Sonisphere. This could mean one of the finest festival line ups in the history of the world.

What does this mean for Sonisphere in the coming years though? To be honest, I'd be surprised if it didn't come back in some way. Iron Maiden and Rammstein headlining in 2010, the Big 4 in 2011; they've proved they have the trouser junk to get the biggest names in metal. And let's not forget that the demise of this year's UK event hasn't had any impact on the Poland, Spain, Switzerland, Finland and France events that will still host Metallica, Faith No More, Machine Head, etc.

As soon as Download announced the original Black Sabbath, plus Metallica playing The Black Album in full for the first time, Sonisphere had a mountain to climb. Queen with Adam Lambert was a good shout. I think Adam Lambert is an astounding singer and am sure it's be a good show but in terms of rock festivals, pitting an American Idol runner up against Ozzy Osbourne is like asking whether you'd like an ice cold beer on a summer's day or be kicked in the balls by a donkey.

So what can Sonisphere do in 2013? Original G&R line up? Led Zeppelin? The options are there but they'd better crack on sooner rather than later to avoid joining the Phoenix Festival as an also-ran in the history of UK music festivals.

M

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You're so good for me...

Andy Copping yesterday confirmed that The Prodigy will join Metallica and Black Sabbath as headliners for Download 2012. The Braintree crew will top the main stage bill on Friday.

Its not a huge surprise that this announcement has been greeted with mixed emotions by the Download-attending community but let's get a couple of things confirmed early doors; The Prodigy are an excellent choice of headliner. They also aren't, and have never professed to be, metal.

I've been a fan of the Prodge since their debut album Experience back in 1992. I fell out of love with them after The Fat Of The Land but rediscovered my admiration with 2009's Invaders Must Die. But enough of my personal history. The fact is, The Prodigy have always completely transcended the traditional 90s dance genre populated by the likes of The Shamen, The Rat Pack, etc. They always said they would never appear on Top of the Pops because they didn't want to sell out and despite back to back number ones in the 1990s with Firestarter and Breathe, they stuck to their guns on this. It might not be metal but that's a pretty punk attitude.

There's also the music itself. Yes, there's the proper cheesy quaver (that's 'raver' to everyone born post 1990) tunes like One Love but Liam Howlett, the brains of the operation, has shown a massive variety of compositions over the years. Opening track Jericho on Experience is a dark, grinding rave anthem, Their Law (featuring Pop Will Eat Itself) from Music for a Jilted Generation and Serial Thriller from Fat of the Land are both guitar-led headbangers - you can find elements of numerous genres across their back catalogue.

But does this mean they deserve a headline slot at one of the world's foremost rock and metal festivals? Well, yes. They are a band that has never sold out, constantly developed their sound whilst staying true to their hard dance roots and in doing so, became one of the first true crossover bands that brought together ravers, metallers, punks and popsters. And if anyone reading this can show me someone who has never drunkenly thrown some shapes to No Good (Start the Dance) I can show you a fucking liar.

It's shaping up to be one helluva festival.

M
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At this time of year...

And so it begins. The ball is well and truly rolling for Festival Season 2012 with yesterdays announcement that Metallica are one of the headliners for Download 2012. A decade after The Black Album and a decade since the inception of the Download festival, the thrash behemoth will be playing the album in it's entirety which to be honest, will be pretty epic.

But what other big names can we expect? Judging from Download booker Andy Copping's promise of another announcement today, plus the fact that Black Sabbath have a 'major announcement' today - you do the math, as they say. Machine Head is the other big rumour; if Download gets all three that's a huge lineup. Yes, Ozzy is a batshit crazy dodery old mentalist but it's Sabbath, for fuck's sake.

There's been whispers of the Red Hot Chili Peppers for Sonisphere which will cause some eyebrows to be raised. They're much bigger than last year's day two headliner Biffy Clyro but I'd have them pegged as more a Reading/Leeds top-biller.

The trollmill has already kicked into overdrive with the elbow pad-wearing pavement lickers proclaiming that Metallica are shit, Maiden should do it, and so on, which will continue for roughly the next 500 years. With this in mind, I've decided that every week I'm going to wander the Interweb to try and find the most ridiculous comment pertaining to the suitability/metal credentials of particular bands.

This week's Not Metulz Award for Bellendery comes from Facebook and is in a thread discussing Megadeth's new album Th1rt3en:

"megashit! more metal in a fucken cricket bat."

What a fucken idiot.

So keep your eyes peeled and send me a link via Twitter to any hilariously backwards comments.
Until next time gangsters.
M
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Download 2012...or not

Normally at this time of year me and Hot Chick would be teeing ourselves up for a massive weekend music of beers and sausage and mash-filled Yorkshire puddings, but this year one of our family has rudely decided to get married thus rendering our Download 2012 attendance impossible.

The line-up this year is nothing too exciting for me personally but it's the weekend itself that I'm going to miss; the endless stream of cold beer, the sitting in the sun applying extensive amounts of factor 50 to my bald head, the chatting to random people whilst laying in the sun and enjoying the mid-afternoon twiddlings of some rock legends. Download is just an amazing experience from start to finish.

I have no more to add this week other than wishing everyone that every one of you bastards has an amazing time and if anyone fancies writing a report of the weekend for Metal Harmony, drop me a line...

Laters homies
M
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