Something new...

The sound is well out of synch, apologies for that. but you get the general idea.

Being pissed off

I'm pissed off. My ultra super special fanboy edition of Metal Hammer with copy of Machine Head's Unto The Locust still hasn't turned up. I've tweeted, I've sent a strongly worded email - what more can a man do??

Which leads me on to today's blog about things piss me off about metal. And the world in general.

5. People who listen to metal
Well, people that only listen to metal. Great idea, listening to a single genre. Best ignore NWA, they didn't do anything for music. The Eagles? Load of hippy shit. In fact, anything that isn't played in drop D and covered in blood and dead Jesus is mainstream and bland. Wankers.

4. People who do impressions of metal
"I don't know how you can listen to all that 'RAA RAA RAA' music". Well, you be pleased to know I don't. In fact, I don't know anyone who does and more to the point I can't think of a single band or song that just goes 'RAA RAA RAA'. It's like saying "I don't know how you can listen to all that 'bitch bitch bitch' music" to a hip hop fan or 'I don't know how you can listen to all that 'sandals sandals sandals, music" to a Newton Faulkner fan. Fucking annoying.

3. Facebook
I'm all for bands promoting themselves but I'm not going to 'like' something just because you've asked me to. I shall listen, if I like it, then so be it. Also, The Bunny The Bear: I think If You Don't Have Anything Nice To Say... is a great album but if you post the video for Ocean Floor one more time I'm going to shit a badger. And Annotations Of An Autopsy - please, please, please stop. Just stop.

2. The definition of emo
What the fuck does 'emo' even mean anymore? I was always under the impression it stood for 'emotional hardcore' so had Alexisonfire in that category but then Panic At The Disco and My Chemical Romance came and they were seemingly the poster children of emo. Then I was at the Metal Hammer Golden Gods in 2007 and some bearded buffoon was stating how Killswitch Engage were emo, and now I'm being told Black Veil Brides are emo. As I understand now, you must have tight trousers and terrible hair to be emo. Which makes Poison and Whitesnake emo. For fuck's sake.

1. Festival headliners
Here's a shocking statement; sometimes, just sometimes, festivals are put together with bands other than just your favourites. Sometimes, bands that you don't like play the festivals that you go to. The best thing to do in this crazy situation is DON'T GO AND SEE THEM! Stop bitching and whining and go to a different stage, you swamp-dwelling anus chimp. Or better still, go on to every forum you can find and tell everyone how shit the line-up is, and how they should totally have booked real metal like Kvvtlretvtrkkaak from Norway or British up and comers Painful Foreskin Hemorrhage. You twat.

This has been marginally cathartic but I'm still in a bad mood. I'm off to punch Mick Hucknall.

M
\m/

Wonderings...

And so the weekend approaches, and I find myself asking, "will anything this weekend be as amazing as listening to 'Contractor' on Lamb Of God's new album?"

Let me make one thing clear; since seeing LOG at the Metal Hammer Golden Gods in 2007, I've had a huge amount of respect for these guys. Raw, brutal, heavy fucking metal. The "Burn The Priest" oh-so-obviously-anti days are gone and the remains are a savage metal band that would beat you and all your mates in any kind of brawl you fancied.

I must admit friends, I have had a couple of beers. However, my opinion is still as important...perhaps...

For three consecutive days in the gym, I've been listening to "Wrath". Not since Machine Head's "The Blackening" have I felt a band transcend their own hype. LOG's Grammy-nominated "Redneck" is an insane tune, don't get me wrong, but this album is something else. "Fake Messiah" is a circle-pit singalong (or smack-the-fuck-out-of-each other-along) the likes of which I haven't heard since Slipknot's "Eyeless" or Marilyn Manson's "Fight Song". 

I don't want to waste to much of your gorgeous time dissecting this album as I am well behind the curve with reviews - it's been out for a good few weeks. However, never have I felt so aurally gang-banged as when I first listened to "Wrath". Don't get me wrong, "Ashes Of The Wake" is a great metal album but with their new joint, Lamb Of God have kicked me in the nuts, pushed me over the table, raped me in the ear and pissed their logo into my bleeding face. If you don't own this shit soon, you are either mad or retarded.

Lamb Of God; this is a mother fucking invitation to be one of the heaviest bands around.