Punk's not dead

Last weekend really was the shit. Not only did I get to sample some upcoming British metal talent in the shape of Arxis and Snakebite but I also saw Rise Against, one of my favourite acts of all time, giving it plenty in Brixton. That, my friends, is what a weekend is all about.

Following on from witnessing Chicago's finest, I'm in a punk mood right now which essentially means listening to fuck loads of Leatherface, Pennywise and Lagwagon just like the old days. Plus, I'm off to see Madball next week which is going to be more punk that spitting on an ugly bird with a mohawk and tartan skin-tights. And whilst we're on the subject of muthafuckin' hardcore, I've recently encountered Rhinoceros, a straight-edge band from Buffalo. These guys are pure and simple, smash-your-face-in hardcore so go have a listen (link's in the list, of course).

But as with all of my recent posts, I've got to be serious briefly. Legendary metal frontman and pioneer of the "metal horns" Ronnie James Dio has been diagnosed with stomach cancer. They've caught it early doors so things are looking okay but still, spare a thought for the crazy little mentalist.

On the up side, the best news I've heard this week though is that Stone Sour are heading back to the studio in January for a spring release of their third album. Hopefully this means we can expect to see them at Download 2010 as ol' Corey does love the event. I'm going to have to immerse myself in either class A drug smuggling or white slave trafficking to afford a couple of tickets this year. Or sell my pants of eBay. Seemingly people like that shit. I'll just pretend I'm a lesbian teenager and we're all set.

Finally, massive fucking horns up to local metallers Echovirus for getting onto the Hammerfest 2010 bill. I'm a big fan of these guys (check out my post from July 7th, 'Infectious 'Virus') and they're a worthy additional to the line-up. Good work gentlemen.

I now need to get a sausage and egg bap because as usual, I have a fucking huge hangover.

M

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Thrashing loveliness

You know there's thrash metal? You know there are some pioneers of thrash metal? How would you feel if three of the biggest names were touring together? Would it excite you? If so, time to move to the USA to catch the forthcoming tour of Megadeth, Testament and Slayer. There's been rumours of a big four thrash tour including Anthrax and Metallica for some time but in real world terms, this is as good as it's going to get. Rest assured though, this tour is more than likely going to hit these shores in 2010, probably in time for festival season.

And talking of festival season, Download 2010 tickets went on sale yesterday - unfortunately I haven't got the spare £270 for mine and Hot Chick's ticket at present but the discount's running until Christmas Eve, so I'm going out mugging tonight to see what I can do. The best thing about the Download ticket announcement is the headliner speculation kicks off, which generally involves Slayer, AC/DC and Led Zeppelin. At present, I'm going to suggest:

Friday: Rammstein
Saturday: Bon Jovi
Sunday: Green Day

Can't wait for the first complaints when the top billers are announced in January/February. Hopefully this year the moaners will fuck off to Hammerfest, Bloodstock or Hard Rock Hell - the UK's got plenty of metal festivals after all.

On the subject of brutal hardcore metal, one of my all-time favourite bands HIM are providing us with the latest installment of their "love metal" whitterings in February next year, entitled Screamworks: Love In Theory & Practice. This is supported with a UK tour that as of yet has no London date but before the 16-year-old girls start slicing at their wrists, this will only be down to sorting a venue. And for those of you who hate the soft shit, pyramid-inspired insaniacs Nile are playing in London on December 15th with support from such pop starlets as Krisiun, Grave, Ulcerate and Corpus Mortale. One for all the family.

As an aside, I'm loving the fact that not only did Shithouse text me from his motor whilst doing 110mph to tell me he was listening to DevilDriver yesterday, but I also bumped into a bloke I didn't know who was wearing an I Could Fucking Care Less sleeveless in my home town. 'Driver world domination continues...

I'm off to review the new GWAR album; I really don't think there's enough talk of dead or retarded babies in the world nowadays.

M
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Brutality and goats

Metal is a funny old thing. To the general public, 'metal' is quite simply 'heavy metal'. Only those in the know or sad losers like me have even an inkling of sludge, grind, death, groove, thrash, black, goregrind, mathcore, pornogrind, folk, and so on and so forth. But this week even I was taken aback by goatgrind. I mean, there are some fucked up genres of music in this world but listening to Milking The Goatmachine's Back From The Goats really took things to a new level. They're not wholly serious, as you would imagine but the music is savagely heavy and I can see them developing quite a following amongst the underground mentallists of the metal scene. I reviewed the album for MetalasFuck so go there if you want to find out more.

At the other end of the metallic spectrum I've been given the opportunity to interview culture-transcending troupe the Brutal Ballet Company. Instead of pink tutus and lace, this collective of lasses from Australia perform traditional ballet dressed in PVC with white contacts and corpse paint, and rather than Tchaikovsky they move to the dulcet tones of Dethklok, performed by a live tribute band. Nice. I can't say too much more at this stage but it got me thinking, what other traditional dance styles could take a metal turn? Could the little bells and bits of wood be replaced by animal bones and weighty clubs for Viking Metal Morris Dancing? Could the flowing dresses and tight leather trousers be replaced by lacy basques and spiked chaps for Norwegian Death Salsa? The opportunities are truly endless.

In other news I've been completely overawed by ChthoniC this week, particularly the immensely dark and uncompromisingly heavy 49 Theurgy Chains. The Taiwanese quintet play some of the darkest, heaviest black metal I've heard for fucking ages so any fans of the genre should click on the link in my list and check them out. They combine the nastiness of the Scandinavian sound with the use of traditional Taiwanese instruments, which produces shit hot results. I think the name is meant to be pronounced like 'sonic' but I have no fucking idea. All I know are there are yet another example of insane noisemakers from the Far Eastern part of this lowly planet. Girly trio Gallhammer produce some horrendous heaviness, and Dir En Grey take the insanity of Rammstein and versatility of Slipknot or Nine Inch Nails to produce absolutely epic works. And let's not forget Fat Wreck Chord's finest Hi-Standard - their cover of California Dreamin' is still one of my favourite covers of all time. If you haven't heard it, you have an enormous hole in your life.

Now to create more brutal subgenres of metal. Keep your eyes peeled for banjogrind...

M
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People suck, labels rule

It's generally accepted that as a metaller, punk, goth, whatever, you're going to get looked at. People will make comments, you might get the odd snigger but that's all part of the fun, isn't it? I love getting a reaction from people and I think if you're reading this blog, you probably do too.

What really grinds my gears is arseholes. Not actual arseholes, for they are simply a functional orifice. I mean arseholes who decide it's okay to assault women on her wedding day because she's got pink hair. Last weekend, Lucy Emmingham and her new hubby were leaving their wedding reception, at which point she got pushed down a flight of concrete stairs by three cunts, then beaten and kicked, leaving her in a real state. I've put a link to the article in my list, please have a read. After Sophie Lancaster, you'd hope people would have learned a lesson.

Apologies for the immensely heavy opening to this post but it needed to be said!

And now onto the usual nonsensical babblings...

I've just finished a list of questions for an interview with Australian melodic metallers Voyager which I'll be writing up on MetalasFuck in the not too distant future. I'm keen to find out who they think would win in a fight between them and A-Ha as I'm sure you all are (don't worry, that will make sense once the interview's published). I can't make up my mind about Voyager. Part of me thinks it's decent, crisp metal but the other part of me thinks it's a bit fucking weedy. Not that everything needs 800bpm double kick and vocals that would set off your nan's arthritis but a bit of guts is always good.

I'm a big fan of record labels this week. Roadrunner have kind distributed Awake, a track from Mutiny Within's debut album. It's an awesome mix of blastbeats and metalcore; if the rest of the album turns out this good, happy fucking days. Also, Earache have decided that Gama Bomb's new album should be given away free so if you're a fan of thrashing like a spastic in three minute bursts, click on the link, get some beers in and enjoy.

Until next time...

M
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Fun in public toilets

I like Guinness a lot. The rich, silky, slightly metallic taste, the deep, peaty aroma; everything about it is right. Problem is, the day after indulging in a number of these darkened treats you tend to feel like you're being violently raped in the head by a moose whilst having to control a stomach hell bent of leaving your arse with kidneys, liver and eyeballs in tow.

To summarise, I have a hangover. But lo, good things have happened this week, the main being New York hardcore legends Madball announcing a 20th anniversary UK tour, which inexplicably includes a 250-capacity converted public toilet about five minutes from my flat. Combine this with a couple of tickets to see Trivium in March 2010, supported by the awesome Chimaira and unbelievably brutal Whitechapel and all in all, happy fucking days.

It's largely accepted that liking Trivium is uncool amongst the metal elitist penises but I'll say it loud and proud - I really like Trivium (fair enough that wasn't particularly loud but it's the best I can muster). Having seen them a number of times, including a tiny London gig that raised the bar hugely("And then it happened...again", December 12th 2008), they always put on an awesome show so fuck you, alright? This being said, my main reason for bruising the ol' credit card is Whitechapel. Ever since hearing This Is Exile and almost starting to cry due to it's sheer savagery, I've been keen to see if the over-stringed guitar weilders can do the same at a live show. Most folks say yes but until it's proven, I'm reserving judgement.

As I'm a lucky bastard, I've secured a copy of Amon Amarth's Versus the World Reissue, which if it's anything like The Crusher Reissue, is going to peel my face of and replace it with the severed beard of a fallen Viking warlord.

If I may rant briefly, I'm pissed off with Atreyu. The new album Congregation of the Damned was released this week and being a bit gay for Atreyu, I got a substantial sense of scrotal tightening when I saw that for one day only, the album was available for download at the handsome price of $3.99. I don't normally download albums as I like everything about CDs (which I suppose is old fashioned now?) but for £1.50, I'd have to be an indescribable cunt not to, eh? So I set up the Amazon download tool thingy, clicked on "buy", did all that nonsense, only to be informed that the offer was only open to the USA. Rubbish. So if anyone from Atreyu is reading this (ha!) send me a copy or I'll whinge further. Or I'll just go and buy it, to be honest.

Oh, and cheers to the folk at Rock Radio for thinking my shit is good enough to have on their site - my blog on there will be updated a couple of times a month with yet more insightful wonderings from an opinionated drunk. There's a load of other cool shit on there so click on the link and have a gander.

Got to run - Guinness revenge.

Ciao

M

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He's his father's son

It's got to be hard following in the footsteps of a hugely successful metal parent. Fair enough, former fatty Jack Osbourne has done alright for himself and his barely-stomachable sister is rarely out of the tabloids but aside from them, there ain't millions to choose from.

With this in mind it was with a sense of trepidation that I listened to the new song The Slaughter from Incite. Fronted by the spawn of iconic vocalist Max Cavalera's own balls, Incite have the benefit and disadvantage of a phenomenal metal pedigree. Thankfully, Richie Cavalera manages to emulate his father effectively without being either a carbon copy or a spastic try-hard. This three-minute neckbreaker doesn't change the world musically or vocally but for a debut, it definitely confirms that Incite are one to watch.

After seeing Malefice support DevilDriver last week, I got my hands on their latest offering, Dawn of Reprisal, which is growing on me. Hatred Justified and As I Bleed sound somewhere between Lamb of God and Killswitch Engage - the melodic singing is definitely going to divide people. Not that metallers are opinionated...

In other news, Rammstein sold out Wembley, which is no mean feat. Can't fucking wait. On the subject of German obscurity, I've been tucking into some Teutonic punk in the shape of Kneipenterroristen. I have no idea what they're singing about, what the song titles are, but what I do know is they're a mix of Meteors-esque psychobilly and early Rancid and catchy as fuck. And a German punk version of Johnny Cash's Ring of Fire is always worth a listen. I'm pretty sure the album is all covers but can't find anything about this mob on the 'net so any info, holla at yo' MADman.

And whilst we're talking covers, AFI have decided, perhaps unwisely to cover David Bowie's Ziggy Stardust. The links in the list. In my humble opinion, it's pretty fucking feeble.

Off to see Juliette Lewis tonight - I bought tickets for Hot Chick as she's been dragged to a ton of brutality of late, so it's only right. I'm not filling my pants with excitement but I'm still keen to see what Ms. Lewis can come up with.

Laters masturbaters

M

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Another night in London

You may, or indeed may not, have noticed that of late, I've been updating Metal Harmony on a Friday. I think it's nice to give both of you readers something to look forward to so fear not; an end of week post will follow but I swear to Randy Blythe if I don't tell someone about Saturday's DevilDriver gig my testicles will implode.

A 17:00 (that's 5pm for the special needs kids) start is early as fuck for a metal show but not wanting to miss Malefice, me and Hot Chick arrived as the doors opened. Unfortunately, this coincided with tens of thousands of Arsenal fans leaving Highbury so the atmosphere was a touch tense. However, we got into the Relentless Garage (sounds like the worst club night in history) and straight to the bar for a welcome pint of Tuborg. Yes, it's shit lager but it tastes like Download so LET ME HAVE MY MEMORIES!

Hailing from the bleak wastelands of Berkshire, Malefice kicked off in front of a room that can't have been more than about 40% full, which was a shame as they were pretty fucking solid. Frontman Dale Butler's got a decent death/thrash style and they opened up the evening extremely well. They were by no means extraordinary and I was surprised to learn they've been around for six years but no matter; they still got some heads nodding.

After the roadies had finished clearing the stage for Trigger The Bloodshed, we realised the roadies were Trigger The Bloodshed. Dressed in matching sleeveless black numbers, this collective of young, fresh-faced laddies started by standing in a line with their backs to the crowd in a manner that suggested we were about to hear something more akin to the the Backstreet Boys than Cannibal Corpse. And then it kicked in and yes, they're pretty heavy but the fact that vocalist Jonny Burgan had no sound whatsoever made his wild facial contortions and demonic stares all look a bit laughable. But they shredded out a solid musical performance which got a rudimentary pit going. I bought Jonny a Jaeger after their set as he was sitting on their merch stand looking knackered, and he was a thoroughly nice chap.

And so cometh Suicide Silence. This mob are pretty popular at present and according to a mate of mine, would fucking own the show. The problem was, the sound still kept cocking up and despite the fact that Mitch Lucker sounds like somewhere between a cat giving birth and a gorilla raping a meat grinder when he sings, the atmosphere never quite reached the frenzy I was expecting. There were a few bods in their Suicide Silence t-shirts giving it plenty in the middle but I was still standing about 15 feet from the stage without my pint getting so much as nudged. I'll see them again before I pass judgement though, as No Time To Bleed was pretty fucking brutal.

By now I've had a few beers, said my cursory "hello" to Metal Hammer's Alexander Milas and have purchased my merch, so all is going well. Behemoth take to the stage after what has to be the lengthiest drum tech test I have ever seen - seriously, the dude just sat there and blasted on and off for about half an hour, whilst an atmospheric soundtrack of wind and general weather-type shit came over the PA. Once they'd taken to the stage though, it was worth the wait. They've been on the scene for about 20 years so the Polish mentalists know how to work a room of this size although vocalist Adam Darski's shout of "let me see your cunting horns!" did sound ridiculous. However, there's no denying that Darski's voice was the best so far and the synchronised windmills brought even more atmosphere to what was turning into a savagely evil set. Behemoth recently had their video to "Ov Fire and Void" banned by YouTube (it's still in my "Cool Shit" list though") but combine this with the sheer number of Behemoth shirts there on the night and a confirmed slot at Bloodstock's 10-year-anniversary festival next year and I can see a lot more from this mob in the coming months.

But enough of all this bollocks, onto the point of this post. One or two of you may know that I'm a bit of a DevilDriver fan. I had, however, promised Hot Chick that I'd refrain from the pit having fucked my back up royally during a Throwdown pit earlier in the week. So when Dez Fafara and the boys came out and opened with End of the Line, I dutifully handed Hot Chick my beer and went fucking ballistic. The pit went from a bit of a murmur to an absolute onslaught of fists, legs, teeth, knees, and I'm pretty sure I saw a couple of bollocks rolling across the floor. As a 14-stone skinhead, it was my duty to use the youngsters in the pit as a stepladder, enabling me to surf my way to the front for an awesome manly handshake with Dez - what a fucking moment. The pit didn't stop once as they ripped through numbers like Hold Back The Day, Pray for Villains and of course Clouds Over California. Another highlight from me was the fact that they played Nothing Wrong, the first song off of their eponymous debut album - considering they didn't hit the big time until the third album this was an awesome inclusion in the setlist.

The pace slowed for I've Been Sober but the intensity remained, and when Dez informed us that they were filming the video for Another Night In London that very night, and guaranteed it would never be played anywhere other than in London, the pit exploded like a Peter North facial. I managed to get my carcass up onto the crowd three times and when I came down on the second occasion, there were cameras rolling - I swear here and now, if I'm in that video, I'll cry like a gay watching Bambi.

Once the set had finished, I felt fulfilled. I felt that the whole of this year had been leading to this gig. Not only did a man with tattoos of 9mm handguns on his head compliment my tattoos, not only did I get a few beers in me, not only did I see five heavy-as-fuck bands for less than a score, not only did I crowd surf harder than I ever have before, and get kudos off of the lead singer of my favourite band for it, not only did I do a Jaeger with an upcoming death metal band...I could go on...

Needless to say that 2009 is dead now. Nothing can beat this. And 2010? Okay, Lamb of God, Hatebreed and Machine Head are all going to have a good crack at it but to top this gig is going to be a fucking chore.

I'll enjoy seeing bands try though.

I'm off to eat my dinner.

M
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Hardcore and prescription medicine

So Monday finally arrived and after a substantial drought in the land of giggage, I once again got to feel the sweaty embrace of other men in the wondrous pit at Daath/Throwdown/Unearth/Chimaira at London's Electric Ballroom. My hardcore ally Si-KO couldn't make it so there I was, all by myself, drinking snakebite and black and trying to avoid the world's drunkest man from emptying the contents of his pint glass and stomach into my hoody.

Daath opened proceedings with the room at about 40% capacity yet lead singer Sean Zatorsky, who looks like something between Jesus and a heroin tramp, managed to get a pretty noticeable pit going within a couple of songs, as well as gesticulating that their guitarist was a total wanker during one extended solo. Their hardcore-mit-death style set an awesome pace for the evening and with the aid of the ol' snakey 'n' blacks I felt my head start to nod.

Since hearing Venom and Tears and Haymaker, and catching a bit of their live set at Download 2008, I've been keen on a bit of Throwdown so thought this would be a good time to chug a couple of pints and get involved in the pit. Down to the front I went with pockets rammed with t-shirt, phone, MP3, travel card, hoody round my waste, and shoes adequately secured after the Rise Against incident ("The pits", March 10th 2009). I cannot remember a single song they played apart from Holy Roller as to be honest, I was too busy going retard-fuck-spazzingly mental. The pit wasn't as mad as something like Machine Head but it was well executed, concentrated bursts of violence. Dave Peters and I made eye contact long enough for my hand gestures and shouts of "CIRCLE PIT" to get a the big man's approval, and so the bedlam continued. A burst of songs from Vendetta and new album Deathless were complimented by Peters' constant crowd surfing and encouraging those underneath him to help out with some of the singing (well, shouting). And then it ended and I realised I was beyond knackered. Too old for this shit.

Standing at the bar afterwards, a couple of lads came up to me and said "mate, you were going mental at the front!" - yes, yes I was kids. For I have done this sort of thing before. They then pointed out I had blood on my face; a quick check for injuries revealed it wasn't mine. Yummy.

Whilst surviving the pit for Throwdown's whole set was awesome, I was a wee bit worse for wear on the other side so decided to have a little rest for Unearth, who played an absolutely punishing few numbers, taking songs from The Oncoming Storm and even further back, whilst frontman Trevor Phipps managed to keep the insane bastards still in the pit going fucking ballistic, encouraging them to get over the top (much to the annoyance of the security guards). Drummer Derek Kerswill's kick was so brutal that I regularly felt I was going to shit my pants and being as this wasn't a GG Allin gig, I thought that may have been frowned upon.

I was talking to Alexander Milas from Metal Hammer in the beautiful smoking area when I realised I was rapidly approaching the threshold of "better fuck off or you're not getting home sunshine" so had to duck out after Chimaira had only played four songs. Which frankly sucked, as the room was off the chizz-ain. With Darude's 90s trance number Sandstorm playing erroneously over the PA just before Fuck Your Power Trip kicked in, shoes, spit, blood, bodies, everything was flying all over the shop and vocalist Mark Hunter was genuinely humbled by the scene.

On the plus side, Chimaira are playing with Whitechapel and Trivium in March so at least I'll be able to catch a full set then.

All I can say is "fuck me". The absolute fury of these bands on stage created one of the most volatile, high-intensity rooms I've ever been in. But despite this, and with the exception of one guy getting chinned by a complete cunt in the pit, there was no hint of anything nasty outside the circle. A fucking top show by fucking top bands. Good work; carry on.

So the floodgates have opened. Tomorrow is Malefice, Behemoth, Suicide Silence, Trigger the Bloodshed and the mighty godlike DevilDriver. The one problem is that due to my hardcore mental pit monkey slam gnarliness, I've fucked my back up big time. Sleep for the last two nights has been aided by beer and Diazepam, which go together like razor blades and aspirin, so happy days. But once Dez and the boys get going, I'm not sure there's going to be anything that'll fix me afterwards.

I'm off to do some calisthenics. Either that or my next post will probably from my wheelchair.

Political Metal

This week I had the honour and privilege of listening to the new album from Bakteria, eloquently entitled Defecate! Suffocate! Mutilate! Masturbate! And sure enough, songs such as Hospital Fuck Fest and Shit On My Pubes have to rank alongside early Bob Dylan in terms of social relevance and sheer resonance with a generation experiencing it's first major economic downturn.

Metal and politics have a huge amount in common, although there's probably more cunts in politics. I say "probably" because metal's got Axl Rose and Aaron Lewis from Stain'd. But there are clearly parallels to be made. Exhibit 1: Tony Blair came into power in 1997 as an absolute revelation, a complete about-turn for UK politics. Young, ambitious, and full of guts. A decade on, most people think he's a bit of an over-rated tool. Slipknot's debut in 1999 was a blend of then-current nu-metal and downright savage brutality. They were pissed off folk from the arse end of nowhere and spoke to a new generation of metallers. A decade on, they've still got their fans but as far as the metal elitists are concerned...wait for it...all hope is gone.

But the comparisons are everywhere.

Tony Benn - grizzled, old, been there from day one, always stuck to his guns, absolute legend. Iron Maiden, anyone?

David Cameron - young, says all the right things to try to appeal to floating voters young and old but in essence, there's a significant lack of innovation and has nothing of any real depth about him whatsoever - Bring Me The Horizon, come on down.

The entire Liberal Democrat party - always been in the background, the policies are theoretically sound but let's face it; they're never going to run the country - Saxon, please step forward.

Which leaves us with the Political Download Festival; Labour on main stage, Conservatives on the second, Lib Dems in the tent and the Greens, Natural Law and other bizarre people who would shit twice and die if they were ever given any form of responsibility on the unsigned stage.

I think our global overlords would benefit from some time in the pit. Chuck the G20 leaders into a circle whilst DevilDriver are playing Clouds Over California, or face them off in a wall of death during Lamb of God's Redneck and I swear on my silky smooth scrotum they'd all be best mates at the bar afterwards. I reckon Obama, clearly the most gregarious of the collective, would be the first man to chug a Jaeger and surf his way to the front. Clearly Burlusconi would be the one inserting things into strippers whilst sniffing cocaine of the buttcheeks of a mother & daughter groupie combo.

So here's my suggestion; rise up kids, take back control. Let's put Bruce Dickinson in as Prime Minister, Rob Halford as Chancellor of the Exchequer and Brian Johnson as Home Secretary.

We have the power. Vote "yes" to metal.

Ah, memories...

You know what sucks? Not being a teenager anymore. Me and Si-KO were talking at work the other day about the simpler, happier times. I know this is Metal Harmony but allow me this brief digression into the world of 90's punkness...

During my spotty, bumfluffed years there was a massive group of us who used to hang around our country market town with our skateboards, smoking roll-up cigarettes and generally looking immensely badass. I'd like to point out early doors that, despite having a skateboard, I was without exception the shittest skater ever to grace the earth. I think I successfully jumped, or "ollied" (fuck I'm a loser) a kerb on one occasion in about two years. I also fell off once after hitting a leaf. Yes, a leaf.

The bare essentials to be in our righteous cartel were:

Spiky hair (my mum wouldn't let me dye it green)
Skateboard
Wallet on at least one chain
Some kind of bracelet
A 12.5g packet of Amber Leaf/Cutters Choice/whatever tobacco came with free papers
A 16th of solid cannabis resin, normally full of plastic

And then we get to the music. A million people will have a million opinions about what's classified as skate punk so please feel free to leave a bitching and whining comment but for us, it was all about NOFX, Lagwagon, Ten Foot Pole, No Use For A Name, Propagandhi, Strung Out, Millencolin, and some more old school stuff like The Misfits, Black Flag, and so on. For me, I've got to say that The Offspring's S.M.A.S.H has to be up there as Self-Esteem is one of my favourite tunes of all time

Me and Big Mearz used to spend all our hard borrowed cash on everything Fat Wreck Chords had to offer - he got some absolute shitters but most of the time, the music was exactly what we wanted; full of energy, always catchy, often retarded (please see Diesel Boy's Titty Twister) and absolutely fucking awesome. We even made the long arduous journey from the East Anglian countryside to London aged 14(ish) to catch a Lagwagon/N.U.F.A.N double-header which was one of the best gigs ever.

So what's the point of this post? Why the arse-suckling fuck should you give a rat's vulva about my youth? In a nutshell, you probably shouldn't. But listening to these songs for the first time in years reminded me of a fucking ace time in my life. Metal is clearly my passion, and nothing gets my bumps goosed quite like a bit of serious thrash and double-kick mayhem. However, if I listen to Lagwagon's Violins or Undeclinable Ambuscade's 7 Years I can help but get a wee skip to my step.

Now I'm gonna jump on my deck, go spend £10 on weed and sit in the park drinking cider.

All in favour, say "I".

Hello darkness, my old friend

Thank fuck October's nearly here. I love summer, I really do - drinking in the sunshine, barbeques, walking around in just your underwear - but due to the wealth of festivals, summer is a fucking terrible gig season. Much as I'd love to be at everything from Bloodstock to Wacken, my financially spasticated self has to select one, and only one, event to attend.

But lo, the long days have fucked off and the darkness prevails. And in a couple of weeks, it all kicks off with Throwdown and Chimaira, which will provide my mate Si-KO and I with a much needed outlet for controlled vio-lence. And then the flood gates open to a whole host of awesome nights out.

Exciting times.

Anyway, my clearly superior but bankrupting social calendar aside, good things are happening in the world of metal. I've got my hands on a copy of the new Austrian Death Machine album, Double Brutal, which no doubt the Red Wizard and I will be quoting and pissing ourselves about in the imminent future. I'd also like to formally recommend Hail Of Bullets to any of you lovely fuckers who dwell on the borders of metal and hardcore. Their latest outing, Warsaw Rising, is some pretty intense listening.

In addition, for lovers of the harder side of life, Molotov Solution's The Harbinger has vocals somewhere in between everyone's favourite animal-loving veggie Barney Greenway and German eye-linered anger merchant Andreas Dorner from Caliban. The album can be streamed free, link is on my "Cool Shit" list. Listening to this on my walk to work made me want to start a fight with a bus so be ready for a fucking war.

On to the old school. In rather predictable news, KISS are shortlisted for induction into the Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame...I assumed they'd already be there but I guess I'm thick as a fat bird's heel skin. The shortlist also includes the Red Hot Chili Peppers - I know Hot Chick's gonna shit fire when I say this but "what the fuck???". Good band, don't get me wrong, but on a par with KISS? Un-feckin-likely.

AC/DC fans be aware - their launching a new site (link in the usual spot) for some kind of announcement on September 29th. Any guesses? I'm fucked if I know. Maybe Brian Johnson's getting a hip replaced.

Oh, and for those of you who didn't know, my first column has gone live on MetalasFuck, so go and read it or so help me God I'll have you gang banged by Rammstein. I'm also moonlighting on BornInBlood.com, so there's also a link to my review of Fleshkraft's debut album First Harvest.

I must dash; have to GET TO THE CHOPPER! (get it?)

M
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I have a dicker

Today is a good day. Not only am I drinking horrendously strong Scottish ales early in the afternoon but it's been confirmed; I have tickets for Rammstein's Wembley gig in February 2010.

However, it's time for me to be honest with you, my little sex pests, as I don't actually own any of Rammstein's back catalogue. I know, I know, it's unacceptable. As a metaller, I should have an extensive arsenal of material by the Teutonic mentalisers but alas, 'tis not so. This being said, I am still a massive fan of the work I've heard, which amounts to a fair ol' number of songs over the years. But one of the things I like the most about Rammstein is their complete disregard for taste and decency.

In terms of music videos, Rammstein offer the most surreal celluloid experiences I've ever experienced.

Item 1: Sonne
Till Lindemann et al are involved in some kind of Snow White-style episode, complete with pneumatic drills and dwarf spanking

Item 2: Mann Gegen Man
Our German friends get naked, put on some thigh high boots, oil themselves up and wrestle with muscly men. Potentially the least sexy thing I've seen in the entire world ever.

Their latest effort, Pussy, takes things to a whole new level though. Whilst it ain't particularly bizarre, it does involve some intense anal/vaginal/oral attention and climaxes in, well, 'climaxes'. I won't spoil it but if you're alone and feeling the need for self-abuse, I've put the link in my 'Cool Shit' list.

So a big shout out to my main man Sound Pete for getting the German grotmonsters tickets sorted; I'd have done it myself but I'm spending some time with my in-laws at present, which involves eating huge amounts of Scottish beef and drinking ale with an alcohol content similar to Oliver Reed's piss. Hence the reason this post is a bit all over the shop...

Unfortunately my bottle is empty so I need to replenish before I sober up for the first time in about 72 hours.

Auf wiedersehen fürs erste...

A day to remember. Or possibly not.

There's some fucking stupid "days" floating around but on September 10th, the bar was raised. Ozzy Osbourne Day? Don't get me wrong, the guy is a legend and has done great things for the world of metal - some believe he even started the fucking scene - but an actual day? And how does one celebrate this day? Sniff a line of ants? Attempt to murder family members? Speak like you've had a stroke or five?

But I started to wonder; who else should have a day, and what would it entail?

Brett Michaels Day - each man has 12 whorebags move in, he nails them all, then proclaims a winner, which doesn't work out. Repeat next year. I can see this being popular with 50% of the population.

Lars Ulrich Day - after spending the whole day being pretentious, compulsory sub-standard drumming for all.

Johan Hegg Day - compulsory growth of an enormous beard and drinking of much mead. Those unable to grow a beard (guilty) to have stick on facial hair subsidised by NHS.

The opportunities are endless so please feel free to add yours. Oh, I've already thought of Varg Vikerenes Day and Gary Glitter Day before anyone tries to be hilarious.

On the subject of Johan Hegg's beard, I reviewed The Crusher Reissue from Amon Amarth this week. If you're a fan of these Nordic deathmeisters, read my soon-to-be-published scribblings on MetalasFuck as this is an absolute must for the collection.

Alongside this, the debut outing from Wisconsin thrashsters Lazarus A.D. was some impressive shit. This'll be up soon, so read it if you're a fan of Megadeth and the Bay Area cartel as this is a real circle pit-inducing pounder. Megadeth were also kind enough to stream the whole of new album Endgame on MySpace. I've only heard one bad thing about this album and that was from some fat bespectacled goon in Canada. Apart from that, general consensus is it's the best thing since Rust In Pieces. I've not sat and dissected it yet so am keen to know what you lot think. I'm not really; just being polite.

And as expected, Teutonic homo-industrialists Rammstein are back. There's rumours of a headline slot at next year's festivals (and so the Sonisphere vs. Download row begins) but before hand they're playing a number of big ticket shows around the UK, including London Wembley Arena on February 4th. Tickets go on sale Friday September 18th at 9:00am so will be on eBay being sold by "Mr. No_Interest_In_Music_Cunt" at 9:15am.

So all in all, now's a good time to be into metal. The stupid hot summer is over and once again, darkness is sweeping across the land. The gig season is getting closer, which is exciting me to the point of vinegar strokes, as it seems like ages since I've had the shit beaten out of me by a group of sweaty men.

I'm off to listen to Outloud some more. Still not got the album yet? Fucking idiot.

M
\m/

A good time for the 80s

There's no doubt about it; the 80s are coming back. "What makes you say that, O writer of musical waffling?" you may ask. Well, for all you fans of the way of the Hair:

W.A.S.P's new album is out in October. Babylon is apparently a concept effort based on the biblical tale of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse...should be a bit of a giggle. Add to this the forthcoming tours from Europe (Camden, November 1st) and RATT (December 1st, Islington) and I'm concerned that I may not be able to move around London without becoming ensnared in a web of backcombed hair.

On a more contemporary note, leave your diaries clear in mid-February 2010. On 13th, the currently unbeatable Lamb of God will be brutalising Brixton with support from over-rated younglings Job For a Cowboy. A mere five days later on Feb 18th, the mighty Machine Head are joined by hardcore legends Hatebreed plus Bleeding Through and All Shall Perish for what's bound to be a shitfight of epic proportions at Brixton. I've got my tickets for both. Ha ha.

I'm into the new Black Dahlia Murder album Deflorate at the mo. It's heavier than I'd normally go for day to day listening but I can't help but appreciate the uncompromising savagery. The album's out on September 15th and I would strongly recommend buying it, or stealing it, depending on how close to pikey scum you are. Necropolis is the fave for airplay but Christ Deformed and Death Panorama both gave me the sensation of having my head caved in by a stampede of epileptics. Trevor Strnad continues to impress with a violent yet controlled vocal and drummer Shannon Lucas is so good I could easily maintain a partial erection during most songs.

Also, whilst I've got your attention, listen to Hellpreacher, the new album from Birds of Prey. This mob has got members of Alabama Thunderpussy and Municipal Waste in their ranks and this album is an absolute beauty. I reviewed this, along with an absolute abortion of a shitfuck from Dysrythmia for MetalasFuck, so click on the link and have a read of the full breakdown. Or I swear to God I will beat you down like a crippled granny. Sorry, still listening to Black Dahlia Murder...

Laters.

Death, darkness and hair metal

What can I say? It's been a while but alas ye old thundercunt known as my day job has been keeping me busy.

So what's new? A highlight for me was getting a message from my stadium gig brother in arms Shithouse asking me what DevilDriver album he should buy. I'm glad my constant praise is not going unnoticed. I might drop Dez and the boys a line as they clearly fucking owe me.

I also bumped into Metal Hammer editor Alexander Milas outside London's finest metal drinkery The Crobar. Unfortunately I was spannered and ended up dribbling utter bollocks at him for 10 minutes. However, we exchanged emails the next day and seemingly he doesn't think I'm as much of a fucking waffling imbecile as I actually am, so we're good.

Now back to the music. I've never been. A big Job For A Cowboy fan, not because of the typical loathing these guys have received from the "they're not Death, therefore they're shit" brigade, but simply because I don't like them. Don't get me wrong, Jon Rice on the drums is frankly superhuman but Jonny Davy's vocals sound hideously immature. I've seen JFAC live twice and both times I've not even registered a semi. Still, my mate The Red Wizard was all over their new outing Runiation so I gave it some ear time as he knows his shit. And I still can't get excited about them. Yes, it's heavy as fuck. Yes, there's sheer insanity with the musicianship but for me, it's like the fifth wank of the day; hard work and unrewarding.

On the other hand, Goatwhore's Carving Out The Eyes Of God is a fucking pounder of an album that makes you want to eat porcelain and rip open old people. It's 40 minutes of sheer, unbridled heaviness which ain't for the weak and feeble. Listen to this album and try not to punch yourself in the face. It's a struggle.

In complete contrast, I cannot get enough of Outloud's debut album We'll Rock You To Hell And Back. It's so fucking good it's untrue. It's like the bastard child of Europe, Whitesnake, Motley and DragonForce. I reviewed it a while back for MetalasFuck and it's been in my ears ever since. To all you 80s hair/power metal fans, fucking buy this now or you are quite frankly retarded.

Keeping things black and poorly recorded, I'm enjoying Croatian depressives Infernal Tenebra's 2001 debut Beneath The Twilight. This ridiculously atmospheric prog-black metal outing sounds like it's been recorded on someone's mobile phone in a garden shed but there's no denying the lack of sunshine in these boy's lives. This ain't for mass consumption but if you want something a bit off piste, it's a worthy listen.

I'm also lucky enough to have just got a copy of Amon Amarth's The Crushor reissue, which includes loads of live shit in addition to the 2000 album, plus the full Ninjaspy album, so much more of that to come. And a date for your diary fuckers - February 18th, 2010; Machine Head playing a one-off at Brixton. Get tickets as soon as you can because this is going to be more brutal than a bare knuckle cage fight between Kerry King and Dakota Fanning.

Right, time to suck today's dick.

Kill you all later.

\M/

If you only read one post this year...

...Make it this one.

Rarely do I hear something that makes me stop in my tracks and go "fuck me unkindly with a kitchen utensil, what the devil is this?!". A few bands have achieved this effect - Leatherface, Lagwagon, HIM - and now Ninjaspy. "Who the balls are Ninjaspy?" I hear you murmur with vague interest. Well, let me tell you a story...

One of my Canada-based metallic amigos, JLittle4, kindly sent me a link to the Ninjaspy MySpace with the suggestion that I would shit my pants upon hearing their stuff. With that kind of promise, who could resist a listen?

With song titles such as Hit By a Cement Mixer and Out of Tampons I wasn't entirely sure what to expect but anticipated something Anal Cunt-esque. Instead, I was greeted with something that sounds, um, it's like...okay, bear with me here:

36 Crazyfists are playing pool with the Voodoo Glow Skulls. In walks System of a Down and puts a huge stack of £1 coins on the table, then stands impatiently waiting for the game to finish. Dani Filth's been drinking for five hours, wanders through, knocks the coins over, and smashes a couple of drinks. 36 Crazyfists pocket the money, much to the chagrin of SOAD, who proceed to start swinging pool cues at all and sundry, including bar man Randy Blythe. A glass gets thrown into the jukebox which starts playing NOFX's Heavy Petting Zoo album. Amidst the chaos, someone hits record on an 8-track. The noise they capture is Ninjaspy.

This is the most unique music I've heard for a long time. The structure of the songs is so damn complicated that you never know where it's going next. Are you going to be in a circle pit, are you going to be skanking, are you going to be holding a lighter in the air? More often than not it will be all of the above. The vocals are somewhere between deranged and beautiful, the bass lines are hypnotic but wounding, it's all over the fucking shop and is ABSOLUTELY AWESOME.

Now enough of this reading nonsense and subject your ears to their MySpace. With an intro from Lamb Of God, Meshuggah, Gojira and Static-X you know this shit is worth a listen.

Mucus and Metal

The rumours are true. I, MADman, have jumped into the infected gang and got myself swine flu. I'm quarantined in my flat, I'm coughing and sneezing up an array of colourful, flavoursome treats and I've got as much energy as an obese paraplegic with a hangover. To give you an idea of how shit I feel, I can't even be bothered to look at Internet porn.

I know.

However, being stuck on the sofa does have it's benefits. I got to listen to the whole of DevilDriver's Pray For Villains completely uninterrupted, plus watch the bonus DVD that came with the special edition. By now I'm sure most of you that are fans will have heard the album but if not, it's by far their most accomplished work to date. The fact that it was written and recorded in four weeks is staggering, with each individual band member bringing something fucking punishing to the party in each song.

There's a real mixture of sounds and vibes on Pray For Villains, from the intensely Southern style of Back With a Vengeance and It's In The Cards to the atmospheric Amon Amarth guitar sounds on Forgiveness is a Six Gun. It's clear the Resurrection BLVD is going to be the main topic of conversation around this album though as it's the closest I can ever see DevilDriver getting to a ballad.

There isn't a single criticism I can make of this album. Those of you who know me know I'm a bit of a 'Driver fan but even so, I'm objective to the last. If this was shit, I'd [reluctantly] say so. A DVD highlight for me is John Boecklin laying down the drum tracks for Fate Stepped In and Teach Me To Whisper as he gets the most phenomenal sound from his double-kick and treats the skins like they truly are his bitch. The whole of the film continues to show just how nice a bunch of blokes DevilDriver are. Hearing this new album though, I can guarantee that when they play this shit live, the pits will be anything but nice.

Speaking of anything but nice, a mate of mine recently recommend I inflict The Axis Of Perdition upon my sensitive ears. This Northern troupe of industrial-black-ambient metallers create a sound somewhere in between Gregorian chant, violent dysentery and an English literature lecture. Their MySpace may only have three songs but these'll take you about half an hour to get through. It's the sort of music you'd have running through your dreams if you went to bed after eating a kilo of strong cheese. It's completely fucked up and well worth a listen. I would strongly recommend not being in a bad mood first though, or you may end up making an armchair out of your mother.

I've managed to get a few more videos from Download '09 up on my YouTube page, so feel free to have a peruse but I shall no doubt be updating Metal Harmony again soon, for I currently have little more to do apart from sit in a pool of my own mucus and watch American chat shows. Entertaining as a woman from Alabama who thinks one of 23 men might be her "baby daddy" is, I think music may be the only thing that stops me from going stir fuckin' crazy.

Moo.

A thousand apologies

I'm back; dry your tears. Apologies for my lack of updates of late but I've had a few bits to do for the guys at MetalasFuck.net which has meant my writing time has been limited.

"But MADman, no-one cares!" I hear you cry. Well that's just fucking charming.

So recently, there's been a fair bit happening on my musical radar. Firstly, the frankly embarrassingly, um, embarrassing banning of Behemoth's "Ov Fire And Void" video from YouTube. For those of you who haven't seen it, go have a look. It's intense, there are some boobies but there's nothing hugely extraordinary there. It's an inflammatory subject matter but fucking hell kids, this is death metal. I've stuck a link to the video (plus my rant against censorship below the vid) in my Cool Shit list.

I've also had the pleasure of reviewing the new Outloud album, plus the "experience" of the new Vader album. Outloud are so fantastically 80s hair metal you can't help but love them. Vader are a bit shit. There you go; now you don't have to read the reviews.

So back on planet Metal Harmony, I'm a bit of a sad chappy. After getting accreditation for Bloodstock 2009, I've had to relinquish my pass due to sheer butt-fuckingly frustrating logistics. I'm there for next year's 10-year anniversary though so, uh, stay tuned for a year...

It's all a bit quiet on the gig front though. I'm hoping to get to Steel Panther, plus have DevilDriver and Throwdown in the space of one week booked up for October. I cannot talk about this further as I may reach climax and to be honest, now is not the time. But for those of you who value my opinion (of whom there must be at least two of you) dates for the diary are:

December 16th - Sylosis, Relentless Garage, Camden

January 30th (2010, idiots) - Hardcore Superstar, Relentless Garage, Camden

Both of these will be the nuts so I would recommend going unless you are an absolutely massive cunt.

That's me done for now as I need a shit.

Rain, brutality and art

I'm on the train, it's summer, it's pissing with rain, and my super special mega fan fuck off gnarly edition of DevilDriver's 'Pray for Villains' still hasn't turned up, despite the fucking thing being released over two weeks ago. I can only assume the American distributors are sending it to me by retarded bicycle courier.

So in theory, I should be in a bit of a shitty mood. Am I fuck. "But why ever not?" I hear none of you ask, let alone care. You see, the kind people at MetalAsFuck are currently seeking accreditation for the forthcoming Bloodstock festival, which would mean a press pass for this MADman, enabling me to chuck the ol' horns up to the likes of Amon Amarth, Carcass, Arch Enemy, Cradle Of Filth and...wait for it...Europe (fuck yeah!). So, fingers crossed. Are they crossed? Then I'll continue.

Also just around the corner, straight on for 200 yards and second turning on the left is London's Metalfest 3; a celebration of all things horrible taking place in Camden on August 8th. Headlined by Download-impressers Sylosis this 8-hour orgy of all that is savage looks pretty shit hot.

On a slightly less brutal note, and bringing a bit of culture to Metal Harmony, I command you lot to check out the art of Simon Mitchell. I've known this punk reprobate for about a decade and his love of the traditionally mohawked way has lead him to work on posters and album art for a number of bands, including Fat Wreck favourite The Dickies. If you're a fan of cartoons and being fucked up, check out the link in my list.

I've also just reviewed the new album by Cain's Offering for MetalAsFuck so have a read of that too.

More band shit and inexplicable waffling to come soon folks...

How hard is it to get a sandwich?

I know it's often hilariously touted as a "typically British pass time, a-ha, a-ha" but I fucking hate queuing. I also hate being hungry. Ergo, being hungry and in a queue makes me a little bit the wrong side of pissed off.

As I work in London's glorious den of drug-hazed sexual iniquity that is Soho, I'm surrounded by eateries from every corner of the globe. However, I tend to bring my own lunch in - please see my opening sentence. But today this wasn't possible so I had to venture out into the detritus-filled suit swamp that surrounds my office.

I am a simple man of simple means. A nice sandwich was all I required. Plus, I was hoping to find something that didn't require me to sell a kidney to afford.

Once I'd waded through the sea of flamboyant homosexuals and wannabe socialites to my destination, I saw the queue and though "oh deary me, that seems awfully long", or words to that effect, so continued my trek.

This happened 6 more times.

6 fucking times.

It's hot outside, I'm sweating, and now I'm eating a disgusting flaccid salad from a chain store super pharmacy I shall call "Shoes" to avoid any aggro. I have spent half of my lunch hour avoiding the over-sized handbags and oh-so-Bohemian flowing garments of a million wankers and am now in a terrible mood.

Listening to Type O Negative's "Dead Again" was a terrible decision too.

I know this isn't a very metal post but fuck it, you've read it now.

Sound of progress

A mention from a friend, a Tweet on a social networking site - a couple of ways in which I'd heard about UK progressive metallers Stone Circle. As you may already know, I have a raging boner for unsigned UK metal bands so have given these guys a good listen.

The first song, "Eastern Skies" leads you to make the embarrassingly obvious Opeth comparison but cards on the ol' table, it pretty much sounds exactly like Opeth. In every way. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. But I'm not really a prog fan.

Did I not mention that? Oh dear.

This being said, "Crystal Burial" is a solid outing, despite opening as a virtual carbon copy of Coheed and Cambria's "Welcome Home". The introductory guitar harmony runs for the first minute or so but rather than Claudio Sanchez's slightly whingey babblings we're greeted with Joe Ashwin's "two pints of Coke in quick succession burp"-sounding growl. Mikael Akerfeldt would be proud. The Spanish guitar style break is impressive and as the song kicks in you can feel a crescendo building but for me, maybe a little bit of synth to add another level here. No? Fuck you then. I think Ashwin does a good job throughout "Crystal Burial" of keeping the listener engaged, and wade through the first few minutes of this song to find a frankly staggering moment of calm which is unexpected, and I fucking loved it.

"Plague" kicks off bizarrely sounding a bit like Alter Bridge's "White Knuckle" but with vocals you'd only get out of Myles Kennedy if you poured molten iron into his throat and threw him in a cement mixer. The blastbeats are a bit, um, well, unconvincing. Drummer Sam Hill clearly ain't Derek Roddy but to give him his dues, this ain't really death metal.

Then something irregular happens. "Parchment" shows an awesome synergy between Joe Ashwin and Tom Skelton but to be brutal, I don't get this song at all. It's a great indie singalong but I didn't come hear to wear thick glasses, put on a cardigan, go to Camden and generally be a cunt; I came here to rock and this song doesn't. It fits in like a 12" strap at playgroup. It's like ordering a pint of Guinness and getting an egg sandwich. It's just not right.

"Nosferatu" is safer ground for Stone Circle. The rhythm section get more of an outing here, with bass man James Pearce accompanied by a bit more enthusiasm on the kick drum during the slower sections. It smells a bit like Ashwin's throat's giving up though; the belly-deep anger of the first couple of tunes seem a tad tinny but as I always say with MySpace reviews, a lot of that shit's down to the fact this ain't done in Abbey Road.

"Purgatory" for me has the most solid opening of all the songs. Everyone meaty here; guitars are low, vocals are lower, bass is throbbing. But again, it just, well, goes on. There are so many layers it's difficult to really get in to the groove of the tune.

Maybe it's just me though? Maybe I don't get prog and am subsequently a bellend? I can cope with prog if it's a hot day, I've a beer in my hand, I'm sitting on the ground with Hot Chick, smoking a fag, chilling in general, and there's other shit going on. It's awesome music to have on in the background but it's not my scene in terms of standing in a room, eyes front, know what I mean?

I don't want this to come across negative as it really isn't. Stone Circle are fucking good at what they do. If you're a fan of the Opeth's and Dream Theatre's of this world you would be absolutely fucking retarded not to like this band. Click on the MySpace page; listen for yourself.

But with all prog I always feel a bit empty. Damn that fucking egg sandwich.

Not something for the train journey

There are some nice things in the world. A cold beer in the sunshine on a hot day, the smell of a fresh steak on a barbecue, the scream of Metro Station's fans as the lead singer is pushed under a train.

There are some things that aren't nice, like people with halitosis yawning, genocide, warm lager. And Sa-Da-kO

Not to be confused with commuter time-hemorrhage Sudoku, Sa-da-kO are a five-piece death/grind band from way up North. There's a distinctly oriental theme to these bruiser's blogs so I can make the educated assumption that the name is taken from the scary long-haired chick that crawls out of the TV at the end of The Ring. However, this is a big hit with MADman as I'm a huge fan of Japanese culture, so was intrigued to dig into their MySpace. And they are not nice.

Demo tunes "rEd" and "Name Your God" open the set of eight songs in the kind of noise you'd expect if Lamb Of God walked up to Atreyu in a chainsaw factory and called their mum's a bunch of slags. The immediately harsh guitar slaps you round the chops and in my opinion, vocalist Jim Arnold absolutely shreds his throat to open the demo. In fact, it seemed a bit rude sitting down whilst listening to "Name Your God" and I felt I should try and get a wall of death going with Hot Chick. There's a vocal break that has Dimmu Borgir-like qualities and reminded me a great deal of the initial slow down in "The Serpentine Offering", only with less Nordic atmosphere.

The third tune "The Struggle" didn't felate me in the same way as the openers but, with similarities to Disturbed's "Sons Of Plunder" on the intro, it's still worthy of some ear time. My one possible criticism about the first four songs is that "Ju-on" could have gone into a mental halfbeat breakdown after the first couple of bars; this tune has the potential to create fucking carnage in the pit so I would have liked a to hear a bit of variation here.

"It Grows" shows a Black Dahlia Murder style to Jim's vocal and, if properly produced, should be on a demo. I can see legs, arms, bottles of piss and babies being chucked around a pit once this piece reaches full swing. "False Prophecy" gives us a traditional "bit from a horror film" intro, with a poor woman being terrorised by some sort of mean demon types, before we get toe-punted in the cock by Jim and the crew as the song kicks in. Interestingly, this number takes us back to the horror narrator midway through, giving an interesting depth to an otherwise pretty traditional thrash chugger.

The last couple of tunes lose the initial impact for me but overall, this is a fucking fantastic display of garage death metal. If Jim Arnold can hold on to his vocal chords before they rupture into some kind of pissing gore shower, I can see myself banging my head off of a stage in front of this bunch of reprobates in the not too distant future.

Check them out in my "Cool Shit" list.

A day of new stuff...

First and foremost, big thanks to Manda Ashby at In Skin, Tunbridge Wells, for a painless couple of hours resulting in the epically good bit of ink you can see at the bottom of this page. If you need any serious tatt work done, give MADman a shout and I'll put you in touch. A load of our crew have work from Manda and every piece is fucking ace.

Following on from a nice new bit of scarring, I dutifully adjourned to the public house for light ale and civilised conversation. One of these conversations was with SNM, our resident Namibian mentalist. When he's not challenging people to drink their body weight in Jaegermeister, SNM is a follower of the metal church and suggested I have a wee looky at African metal band K.O.B.U.S; as a wannabe scribe, it was my duty to do so.

K.O.B.U.S. sing entirely in Afrikaans so with the exception of "fuck", you can understand pretty much sod all in terms of lyrics. However, I've yet to meet anyone who can sing along word for word with George "Corpsegrinder" Fisher so this really isn't a problem. The first track I experienced was "Honger", which is a simple but effective three-minute chug that no doubt incites absolute bedlam when played to the fans. Then only problem I had with the song is the accompanying video. It looks like a couple of pretentious students have tried to remake The Shining, Phantom Of The Opera and The Prodigy's infamous "Smack My Bitch Up" video in their parent flat on a budget of £20. Quite frankly, laughably bad. But that's beside the point. "Honger" is a stamp-around-with-an-angry-face belter with real parallels to be drawn with Motorhead in terms of the vocal style, speed and the guitar tone. Combine this with a Max Cavalera-esque pitch to vocalist Francois Breytenbach Blom's rantings and you've got a serious metal moment.

"Tienerangs" (roughly translated as "Teenage Angst") is subtitled and as such, makes it a bit easier to understand. As you can probably gauge from the title, the tune is savage assault on all things whingey and emo, with numerous suggestions that the perpetrators of regular complaints should engage in intercourse with themselves. The song itself is faster than "Honger" but for me, it doesn't have the same impact. I can't help but think this sort of "fuck you" message has been done. And done. And done.

"Hoenderman" is a song about dreaming of chickens that drink our beer, apparently. Fuck knows....

K.O.B.U.S are a not brutal but they are fucking heavy. The harshness of the Afrikaans inflection in Francois Breytenbach Blom's vocals adds a rawness to the music which gives it that garage feel. You an imagine watching these guys destroy a room, then go to the bar for a beer with their fans. They're simple, angry, harsh, and want to kick your face in.

I know little of African metal but seemingly there are some bands making real moves to cross over from local heros to international names. K.O.B.U.S are only on my radar due to SNM's recommendations but based on this mob, I can see myself exploring this interesting genre further. If you like it heavy, give them a listen - the K.O.B.U.S MySpace link's in my Cool Shit list as per.

Until next time...