It's not just metal

*Warning: the first couple of paragraphs are not about metal*

I've said it before but I'll say it again; metal has some fucking odd genres, usually made up by over- imaginative PRs and journalists. However, whilst engaging in conversation with some of my non-metal colleagues I was introduced to a couple of real beauties in their world; 'aquacrunk' and 'purple'. Purple? That's just silly. Being a fan of a broad spectrum of music though I dutifully scoured the International Webosphere for example of these genres and what I discovered was, well, uninspiring and a bit shit.

However, my time was rewarded whilst researching 'donk'. Donk is essentially an onomatopoeic word used to describe music made by teenagers in tracksuits in the North of England, who then rap over it in regional accents. This is without a doubt the funniest thing I've heard since a bloke in my office suggested Kings Of Leon were metal; take a look for yourselves (stick with it, it just gets better and better)

Moving away from donk, let's get back to proper music. I've got an interview with Singapore grinders Wormrot in a couple of weeks for Metal as Fuck courtesy of our friends at Earache so if there is anything you'd particularly like to know, post it on here and I'll see what I can do. Bearing in mind they're described as 'abusive grindcore', questions about their favourite way to spend a Sunday and which celebrities they have crushes on won't make the cut. I'm also planning to force myself upon Trigger The Bloodshed (in an interview sense, not a genitals-to-anus sense) later this month so any questions for those boys too, let a brother know.

On a serious note, I'm sure both of my regular readers will join me in wishing Bret Michaels a speedy recovery. The Poison front man has had a real run of it - after smashing his face in on the set at the Tony Awards, then needing emergency surgery on his appendix, he is now recovering in hospital after suffering a massive brain hemorrhage. All reports suggest his condition is improving. All the best, you formerly massive haired, devilishly handsome son of a gun.

So with the sun shining and the weekend merely a working day away, I bid you adieu.

Have a good one
M
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2010: A Metal Odyssey

Happy New fuckin' Decade folks. Who thought they'd live to see 2010, eh? Probably most of us but that's not particularly rock and roll. As the debate about what to call this decade rolls on, mainly amongst those with little or no sexual experience, I'm pleased to be back blogging about the shit that really matters; heavy metal, booze and using the word "cunt" in such a way that my mum isn't too disappointed.

2010 has already thrown some pretty epic shit our way - Sonisphere anyone? But some of the biggest news thus far has to be the reformation of grunge/post-grunge stalwarts Soundgarden which may just about prevent Chris Cornell forever being seen as a total cunt. Did you hear his last single? How in the name of Dave Mustaine's ginger pubes that shite came from the same man who did Black Hole Sun and Jesus Christ Pose is beyond comprehension. I'll wager a bag of shiny silver they end up treading the boards at Download 2010.

On a lesser scale, the reformation of Travis Barker and Tim Armstrong's The Transplants looks set to happen in 2010. Although Diamonds and Guns has been locked in an underground basement and continually raped by shampoo adverts for the past few years it's still one of the catchiest tunes I've ever come across; I'm interested to see what these boys come up with next.

But all this pales in comparison to the big release of the year. Ladies, gentlemen and confused transgender types; spring 2010 sees the release of Roses & Thorns, the autobiography of the one and only Poison frontman, Brett Michaels. Cannot fucking wait.

And now to Norwich. If you've never been to Norwich, you're missing out on, um, some stuff. Lots of churches and a pub for every day of the year if my memory serves me correctly. Norwich was also the birthplace of the greatest band that never was: Massive Towbar. Massive Towbar was a project conceived by me and Big Mearz, the most Norfolk man in history. Our aim was to combine our favourite styles of the time into one conceptual powerhouse of punk and metal, with inspiration ranging from Cradle of Filth to Pist.On to NOFX. Unfortunately, he played bass, I played drums, and we never actually played together once but alas, the legend of Massive Towbar remains strong. My (somewhat tenuous) point is, Norwich creates some fucking brutal musicians. I've been digging into the new Annotations Of An Autopsy album for MetalasFuck and II: The Reign Of Darkness is kicking off the new year in the most horribly brutal of ways. It is, without exception, one of the heaviest albums I've come across and the best thing is, it's from these hallowed shores, particularly from the oft-maligned East Anglian region.

The British death metal scene has been a bit lacklustre of late but we're starting to produce some serious noisemakers who are causing trouble all over the place. Trigger The Bloodshed and Malefice both produced albums that hit my 2009 top 10, and AOAA have impressed the UK's music press with their latest outing. It's good to see bands from towns and cities we all know and love taking brutality to a new level. Despite not being particularly patriotic, I do get a smile on my face and a pang of pride when people from overseas read my reviews, listen to the albums and go "fuck this is heavy!".

On a final note, am I the only person who still buys CDs? Am I the only one who likes reading sleevenotes and lyrics nowadays? Does a download version of Judas Priest's British Steel have the same impact as the razor blade-adorned 12-inch or CD?

Until next time,

M
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