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Monday, 25 January 2010

Here we go again...

Apologies for my unexplained hiatus over the last couple of Fridays; me and Hot Chick have been moving house so a lack of Internet connection has resulted in my unblogitute. I thought some of you may get all emo and start cutting if you had to wait until Friday so here's a nice Monday treat for you.

No we've got that business taken care of, onto the really important stuff: why I'm not going to Sonisphere 2010.

The lineup for this event is so good that I've filled my pants a good six or seven times. But we've been over that before. Download 2010 announces it's headliners today and AC/DC are looking like the bleedin' obvious big hitter but aside from that, look at the other key facts; Download 2010 marks the 30th anniversary of heavy metal on Donnington's hallowed grounds. The capacity has gone from 80,000 to a bafflingly huge 110,000. Tell me there isn't going to be some insanely epic names needed to shift those tickets? Think of all the bands that have played over the years - imagine a "best of Donnington" lineup. Yeah, you like that, don't you? You dirty sl....sorry, getting all excited.

Here's the rub; Download could easily shift the numbers if they got some of the poppier bands of late. The danger here is that if cuntyball fuckwarblers Metro Station or spasticated wankmonkeys Plain White Ts are there you may see news reports of an overweight skinhead committing mass murder with an over-priced Yorkshire pudding. But you take the rough with the smooth. The other lot with money to burn are the 30-40 year olds, so rumours of Van Halen and the imminent demise of The Scorpions suggests a possible repeat of Download 2009's epic 80s power rock lineup win. Plus, with Corey Taylor refusing to miss a year, Stone Sour are a pretty hot favourite for a bit of new album promotion which is a big hit with this mother fucker, then there's Soundgarden's reformation, and so on and so forth...

Isn't variety the spice of life? Download has and always will mix the brutal with the melodic, the hardcore with the mainstream, the good with the shit, and I for one am a big fan of absorbing many types of over music over the weekend.

But perhaps the most important reason of all is that Hot Chick (and I shall be slaughtered for broadcasting this) is also celebrating her 30th anniversary of being on this big ol' hunk of space rock this year. As such, what kind of gentlementaller would I be if I didn't let her pick the festival this year? After all, she gets dragged along to a lot of shows she wouldn't choose over the rest of the year so it's only fair, innit?

Don't get it twisted homies, I'd love to be at both Sonisphere and Download but that's gonna be crazy expensive and damn impossible G.

So to conclude this Monday broadcast, it looks like MADman will be at Download 2010. Provided I can nick enough bags off old women and steal the lunch money off of enough school kids to pay for the tickets.

Now it's Monday morning so stop reading this and do some fucking work. It's your fault the world's in a recession.


Friday, 8 January 2010

2010: A Metal Odyssey

Happy New fuckin' Decade folks. Who thought they'd live to see 2010, eh? Probably most of us but that's not particularly rock and roll. As the debate about what to call this decade rolls on, mainly amongst those with little or no sexual experience, I'm pleased to be back blogging about the shit that really matters; heavy metal, booze and using the word "cunt" in such a way that my mum isn't too disappointed.

2010 has already thrown some pretty epic shit our way - Sonisphere anyone? But some of the biggest news thus far has to be the reformation of grunge/post-grunge stalwarts Soundgarden which may just about prevent Chris Cornell forever being seen as a total cunt. Did you hear his last single? How in the name of Dave Mustaine's ginger pubes that shite came from the same man who did Black Hole Sun and Jesus Christ Pose is beyond comprehension. I'll wager a bag of shiny silver they end up treading the boards at Download 2010.

On a lesser scale, the reformation of Travis Barker and Tim Armstrong's The Transplants looks set to happen in 2010. Although Diamonds and Guns has been locked in an underground basement and continually raped by shampoo adverts for the past few years it's still one of the catchiest tunes I've ever come across; I'm interested to see what these boys come up with next.

But all this pales in comparison to the big release of the year. Ladies, gentlemen and confused transgender types; spring 2010 sees the release of Roses & Thorns, the autobiography of the one and only Poison frontman, Brett Michaels. Cannot fucking wait.

And now to Norwich. If you've never been to Norwich, you're missing out on, um, some stuff. Lots of churches and a pub for every day of the year if my memory serves me correctly. Norwich was also the birthplace of the greatest band that never was: Massive Towbar. Massive Towbar was a project conceived by me and Big Mearz, the most Norfolk man in history. Our aim was to combine our favourite styles of the time into one conceptual powerhouse of punk and metal, with inspiration ranging from Cradle of Filth to Pist.On to NOFX. Unfortunately, he played bass, I played drums, and we never actually played together once but alas, the legend of Massive Towbar remains strong. My (somewhat tenuous) point is, Norwich creates some fucking brutal musicians. I've been digging into the new Annotations Of An Autopsy album for MetalasFuck and II: The Reign Of Darkness is kicking off the new year in the most horribly brutal of ways. It is, without exception, one of the heaviest albums I've come across and the best thing is, it's from these hallowed shores, particularly from the oft-maligned East Anglian region.

The British death metal scene has been a bit lacklustre of late but we're starting to produce some serious noisemakers who are causing trouble all over the place. Trigger The Bloodshed and Malefice both produced albums that hit my 2009 top 10, and AOAA have impressed the UK's music press with their latest outing. It's good to see bands from towns and cities we all know and love taking brutality to a new level. Despite not being particularly patriotic, I do get a smile on my face and a pang of pride when people from overseas read my reviews, listen to the albums and go "fuck this is heavy!".

On a final note, am I the only person who still buys CDs? Am I the only one who likes reading sleevenotes and lyrics nowadays? Does a download version of Judas Priest's British Steel have the same impact as the razor blade-adorned 12-inch or CD?

Until next time,