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Friday, 13 April 2012

Tears before bedtime

Friday 13th ranks alongside Halloween as a pretty metal day. Seemingly it's also an unlucky day but as I lost my wallet with all my cards, driving license, train ticket and a small amount of cash in on Thursday 12th I'm inclined to think this is all a lot of bollocks. Clearly losing a wallet is annoying, which brings me on to today's blog; List of Ways to Make a Metaller Cry: 1. Pretend you know about metal when you don't like metal Over the years, I'm sure everyone has had the questioning looks when people first find out you're into Deicide (band, not activity). However, I once received the response "I'm in to metal too; I went to Kings of Leon last year", which is just plain stupid. 2. Actually like metal if you're not a Metaller As a scene, metal is very protective of itself. The outpourings of rage when a non-metal band play festivals, the fury when American pop starlets throw the horns, the fact that to can buy a Guns n Roses T-shirt in Top Man, all combine to make us a pretty insular bunch. However, when talking to someone who dresses like a trendy London wanker, loves X Factor and can talk to you on a level about Anthrax, it's difficult not to bite the inner cheek somewhat. 3. Know literally fuck all about metal I don't mean not having an opinion on which Megadeth album is best, or whether Bon Scott or Brian Warner was a better AC/DC frontman. I mean not knowing who Metallica is, or who the lead singer of Black Sabbath is - both situations I have encountered in my life. Simply unacceptable and as the kids would say, *facepalm*. 4. Assume that being a Metaller is a phase As the ticker to my fourth decade on this earth approaches I'm almost certain I've gone through all my phases, which included terrible curtains/undercut hair, shellsuits (which did at one point become tucked into Doc Martens during a particularly complicated transition into a punk fan) and listening exclusively to HIM. I find it very unlikely that any Metaller over a certain age will wake up one day, bin the Machine Head back catalogue and replace it with Rhianna's latest codshit. 5. Liking anything other than metal if you are a Metaller The confusion on people's face if you display awareness of anything outside of the incarceration of Varg Vikernes is always amusing. In addition, having an encyclopaedic knowledge of mid-90s dance music or enjoying the debut solo single by N-Dubz hat wearing buffoon Dappy have caused my metal credentials to be questioned with furrowed brows by my metallic brethren. On a slightly more serious note, happy birthday to Mummy Metal Harmony, who hits the big 60 today. If it wasn't for her love of music and constant playing of Neil Young, Steely Dan, etc. there's a good chance you wouldn't be reading this blog today. So it's her fault, don't blame me. M \m/