Good work...

Very clever, Sonisphere; very clever indeed. Take a year off from the UK, deliver stunning events in mainland Europe and use profits to get the two biggest bands in metal to headline your return event in 2014. Impressive.

Rumours have been circulating that Sonisphere's return to the UK, which will take place at the Knebworth estate, would be headlined by Iron Maiden, Metallica and Black Sabbath. With 66.6% (the percentage of the beast...fnar...) of this proving to be accurate, the metal fraternity now waits with baited breath. A mate of mine close to the inside has suggested that The Prodigy will fill the last gap so it's going to be interesting to see what the organisers have in store.

Despite the obvious magnitude of these bookings, I wouldn't go so far as to say the Sonisphere headliners are 'better' than Download 2014; they're clearly looking at very different audiences. There will be tens of thousands of twenty-somethings who would much rather see Avenged Sevenfold than Maiden, and the monstrous crossover appeal of Linkin Park and Aerosmith demonstrate how Download has evolved from Monsters of Rock into an 'alternative' music festival.

Sonisphere on the other hand is aiming for the guaranteed pound. I think it's fair to say that die hard Maiden and Metallica fans are probably a bit older, have probably seen both bands several times and probably won't think twice about shelling out a couple of hundred notes to see them both on the same bill. Whilst they wouldn't mind A7X and Linkin Park, they'd be happy to watch them from the beer tent as opposed to being in the swell at the front in a piss-stained denim jacket. But maybe that's just me.

The undercard announcements are what's exciting me now. Download has banked While She Sleeps and Crossfaith, two bands who continue to grow in popularity and general feckin' awesomeness. They also have Status Quo, which whilst a lot of fun, is a bit of an odd one to be honest. They're the one band with the possible exception of Aerosmith who tick the box for the archetypal older rocker.

If Sonisphere can pull out other genre-defining bands (I'm thinking Sick Of It All, Napalm Death) and Download continues with the contemporary megastars and up-and-comers, then both festivals look set to be bastard brilliant. But to choose one to invest in would be impossible for me at this stage...

M

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Back for good

My absence for the last few weeks can be explained by one small thing, which weighed 8.3lbs and was born on February 20th. She's just about the most amazing thing I've ever seen and I am one over the moon motherfucker. I can't wait until she's a bit older and coming with me and her mum to Family Camping at Download.

Speaking of Download, it's going to be one hell of a festival this year not only due to the stellar line up, but also down to yesterday's confirmation from the organisers of Sonisphere that this year's Knebworth event is cancelled. In terms of festival news, this is a pretty effing big story.

The official statements from Sonisphere is as follows:

"It is with very heavy hearts and much regret that we announce the cancellation of Sonisphere Knebworth 2012.

Putting the festival together in what is proving to be a very challenging year was more difficult than we anticipated and we have spent the last few months fighting hard to keep Sonisphere in the calendar. Unfortunately circumstances have dictated that we would be unable to run the festival to a standard that both the artists and that Sonisphere’s audience would rightly expect.

We want to express our deepest regrets to the artists and to thank all the staff, suppliers and contractors who worked so hard with us to try and pull off what has proven to be an impossible task and we know how much they share in our disappointment.  We also want to send a huge thanks to the Sonisphere fans who stuck by us and we are so sorry that we can’t fulfil what we set out to do.

Ticket holders will automatically receive a full refund direct from their ticket agents.

Team Sonisphere."

Download Festival organiser Andy Copping has come out and said that he's 'not jumping for joy', which is thoroughly decent of him but let's be honest; if your biggest competitor dies on it's arse there will be an inevitable sense of relief. And despite the fact that Download is remaining a three day event, the bill will now expand to accommodate some of the bands from Sonisphere. This could mean one of the finest festival line ups in the history of the world.

What does this mean for Sonisphere in the coming years though? To be honest, I'd be surprised if it didn't come back in some way. Iron Maiden and Rammstein headlining in 2010, the Big 4 in 2011; they've proved they have the trouser junk to get the biggest names in metal. And let's not forget that the demise of this year's UK event hasn't had any impact on the Poland, Spain, Switzerland, Finland and France events that will still host Metallica, Faith No More, Machine Head, etc.

As soon as Download announced the original Black Sabbath, plus Metallica playing The Black Album in full for the first time, Sonisphere had a mountain to climb. Queen with Adam Lambert was a good shout. I think Adam Lambert is an astounding singer and am sure it's be a good show but in terms of rock festivals, pitting an American Idol runner up against Ozzy Osbourne is like asking whether you'd like an ice cold beer on a summer's day or be kicked in the balls by a donkey.

So what can Sonisphere do in 2013? Original G&R line up? Led Zeppelin? The options are there but they'd better crack on sooner rather than later to avoid joining the Phoenix Festival as an also-ran in the history of UK music festivals.

M

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At this time of year...

And so it begins. The ball is well and truly rolling for Festival Season 2012 with yesterdays announcement that Metallica are one of the headliners for Download 2012. A decade after The Black Album and a decade since the inception of the Download festival, the thrash behemoth will be playing the album in it's entirety which to be honest, will be pretty epic.

But what other big names can we expect? Judging from Download booker Andy Copping's promise of another announcement today, plus the fact that Black Sabbath have a 'major announcement' today - you do the math, as they say. Machine Head is the other big rumour; if Download gets all three that's a huge lineup. Yes, Ozzy is a batshit crazy dodery old mentalist but it's Sabbath, for fuck's sake.

There's been whispers of the Red Hot Chili Peppers for Sonisphere which will cause some eyebrows to be raised. They're much bigger than last year's day two headliner Biffy Clyro but I'd have them pegged as more a Reading/Leeds top-biller.

The trollmill has already kicked into overdrive with the elbow pad-wearing pavement lickers proclaiming that Metallica are shit, Maiden should do it, and so on, which will continue for roughly the next 500 years. With this in mind, I've decided that every week I'm going to wander the Interweb to try and find the most ridiculous comment pertaining to the suitability/metal credentials of particular bands.

This week's Not Metulz Award for Bellendery comes from Facebook and is in a thread discussing Megadeth's new album Th1rt3en:

"megashit! more metal in a fucken cricket bat."

What a fucken idiot.

So keep your eyes peeled and send me a link via Twitter to any hilariously backwards comments.
Until next time gangsters.
M
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Sonisphere 2011; how it went down...

There are certain times in your life that you don't mind being called a bastard. I experienced one of these times last week when telling my mates that I'd won Rock Royalty tickets to this year's Sonisphere festival. The added bonus for me, which not everyone appreciated, was that the win included a meet and greet with Limp Bizkit.

Being as my homie Petrovski is a fan of the Bizkit, plus it was his birthday, he was the lucky recipient of ticket two. He couldn't get the day off work but after some strategic truth realignment we were on the road and aiming for as much of the Big 4 as possible.

Tent erected (stop sniggering at the back) we hit the main arena. Unfortunately, traffic fuckaboutery and confusing contraflow meant we'd missed Anthrax and Megadeth but as Slayer pounded their way through a blistering set and the beers flowed steadily down our gullets, it didn't seem to matter. Finishing with Raining Blood and Angel of Death, Slayer played a blinder. But then it was time for the main event and as soon as the Ecstasy of Gold started wafting over the PA the crowd were off.

There have been a few twinges around the music press about Metallica being a bit static and unengaged but clearly the people saying this need their genitals nailed to a moving train. The setlist was:

Hit the Lights

Master of Puppets

The Shortest Straw

Seek and Destroy

Sanitarium

Ride the Lightning

The Memory Remains

All Nightmare Long

Sad But True

The Call of Ktulu

One

For Whom the Bell Tolls

Blackened

Fade to Black

Enter Sandman

Pretty much as good as it gets? Oh no. Not yet. As with their recent Big 4 appearances, Metallica were then joined on stage by Slayer, Megadeth, Anthrax and members of Diamond Head for Am I Evil. Never has a moment been so metal. I assumed the world would implode. Once 60,000 people had finished going mental Metallica chucked Battery and Creeping Death at us and buggered off. Petrovski and I proceeded to drink a million beers, eat some crisps, and bivvy down for the night.

Saturday morning brought with it a stunning hangover, an expensive sausage and egg baguette and a rather pleasant shit in the Rock Royalty cans. With the weather threatening rain, we headed down to the Apollo stage for Sylosis, who's energy for 11:00 was extraordinary and a significant crowd got involved. Beers in hand we wandered across to the opposite Saturn stage for Richard Cheese and Lounge Against the Machine. Having spent the last few years recording lounge music versions of modern pop and metal songs, Mr. Cheese has built up a bit of a cult following and as such, the numbers witnessing his versions of Limp Bizkit's Nookie, Disturbed's The Sickness, Black Eyed Pea's Boom Boom Pow and Weezer's Buddy Holly were huge. It was nonstop laughs and a thoroughly excellent addition to the lineup.

Architects followed with a blistering set that lead nicely into Gallows. The day after Sonisphere, Gallows frontman Frank Carter revealed he would be leaving the band, which came as a huge shock considering the passion and balls out punk rock fury of his delivery on stage. Carter remains one of UK punk's most compelling front men and despite Gallows continuing without him, it will be his new band Pure Love that will get my attentions.

It's not a heavy metal festival without Max Cavalera appearing in some guise. Cavalera Conspiracy brought a refreshing simple slab of chugging metal to the site with Refuse/Resist and Inflikted involving major crowd singalongs. He may look like a stinking cider tramp but Cavalera knows how to work a crowd, particularly with the inevitable inclusion of Sepultura's anthem Roots. My only criticism was that Igor Cavalera's snare sounded like someone hitting a bucket with a tennis racket but you can't have everything I suppose.

With the onset of a) pissing rain and b) Kids in Glass Houses it was time to meander back to Rock Royalty for an expensive beer, some shelter and another sausage baguette. The VIP area was a pretty opulent area for a festival. It even had, in some instances, seats. After another marvellously clean bog experience, we headed back to the tent for more provisions. In true male preparatory style we'd packed 15 cans of beer, 24 bags of crisps, 12 sausage rolls and a bag of dry roasted peanuts (important roughage).

Despite the brutal downpour which started to assault the tent, I waterproofed myself up and headed out into the elements as there was no way on Satan's green Earth that I was missing Bad Religion. The funniest thing about these punk legends is the fact that they are old. It's difficult to imagine that the balding, polo shirt-wearing blokes on stage were the force behind Voice of God is Government and We're Only Gonna Die but by the time they'd pulled out 21st Century Digital Boy and Fuck Armageddon...This is Hell their credentials could never be denied. Bad Religion are one of the bands that I started listening too in my yoof with the rest of the Fat Wreck/Epitaph bands so to finally see them in the flesh was a pretty immense experience.

After another tent/beer/sausage-based product intake the sun found it's way through and with the promise of Paradise Lost and The Sisters of Mercy on the way, we headed down to the Jagermeister stage for Rival Sons. A somewhat erroneous addition to the traditionally brutal Earache Records roster, this quartet sound like a modern day Led Zeppelin, with frontman Jay Buchanan commanding the stage as I would imagine Robert Plant did back in the day. Their blues-tinged rock and roll was absolutely spot on and is vying for a top five slot in terms of performances for the festival.

Saturday started to go a bit wrong after that. As we descended upon the Bohemia stage, which is in a tent, we came across belligerent security guards and metal barriers. Seemingly Gojira had caused such a surge in the crowd that barriers were put in place and in their infinite wisdom, the crowd control staff decided that the tent shouldn't be more than half full for the rest of the night. As a result, we stood in the drizzle for about twenty minutes listening to Paradise Lost before fucking it off completely and heading back to the tent. Saturday came to an inglorious end. In hindsight we should have headed to the Bedroom Jam stage for Watain but the buzzkill of Paradise Lost coupled with the turgid monotony of Weezer and Biffy Clyro headlining the Apollo stage meant we were better off smashing a few cans at the tent and waiting for Sunday whilst discussing pertinent questions such as who would win in a fight between Bruno Brooks and Keith Chegwin.

Dawn broke, as did a great deal of wind thanks to a heroic intake of sausage rolls, and wellington boots were donned. Petrovski also made a sneaky dash to Asda for 24 cans of lager as we'd spent the national debt of Ethiopia on Tuborg over the last 36 hours and were feeling the festival pinch. So with cans in pockets and underpants we strolled into the main arena, unable to avoid the hellish aroma of a broken Rock Royalty toilet block but happy nonetheless. Opening the proceedings was Volbeat, who got a chunky crowd and despite covering Raining Blood with the wrong notes kicked the day off a storm.

Arch Enemy then took the stage and the bizarrely sexy Angela Gossow unleashed her epic lungs upon us (stop it). I've never seen Arch Enemy play a bad set. Michael Amott's guitar pedigree is unrivalled and their delivery is bordering on perfect every time. As I Will Live Again cascaded across the field and we were planning to head over to the Jagermeister stage for hardcore outfit Feed The Rhino I received a call from Steph van Spronsen of The Noise Cartel informing me that the meet and greet with Limp Bizkit would take place at 14:45. I won't lie, I did a bit of a shit. Stop pretending you don't sing along with Rollin' whenever it comes on. I had also told my pal The Red Wizard I would film Fred Durst telling him to fuck off (there's a long history of hatred there) but knew this would be unlikely to come to light.

So back to the tent for a few more cans and some revision on who the fuck the bassist was in Limp Bizkit and off we went a-wandering. Steph met us and walked us into the band area which couldn't have been more different from the place us proles were used to; clean, quiet, cheap beer, free tattoos, and Joel O'Keefe from Airbourne walking frantically in every direction with no obvious purpose. Durst's PR met us and explained he was tired and feeling unwell; at this point I was expecting him to live up to his "being a dick" hype. However, we wandered over, shook hands, and just had a bit of a chat (which apparently was filmed by Scuzz TV, so if you see Durst with a fat bloke in a white vest and an Agnostic Front baseball cap on telly do let me know). He told us how happy he was to be touring with Slipknot again, we spoke about the tragic loss of Paul Gray. He also kindly offered to buy me a blowjob as part of the prize win, which I declined as, although generous, I suspected Hot Chick wouldn't be too pleased. He then offered to fly her in by helicopter but alas, the logistics were just horrendous.

Here's a photo of us thugging out:

Having bumped into the hugely pleasant Mikael Akerfeldt and stood a bit startstruck as a sweaty Arch Enemy walked past, we were ushered back to the main arena, where a series of odd events resulted in my giving the manager of Exit Ten my stock of festival Immodium. But still, we'd met the Durst, we were buzzing (legally) so decided to enjoy a bit of Motorhead. The sad death of original Motorhead bassist Wurzel the day before was a shock to the crowd but it meant that Lemmy and the boys delivered a spot on, emotionally-charged set of songs that spanned 35-odd years.

More rain, more beers, and bin bags fashioned into dresses as the afternoon progressed and before long, Limp Bizkit took the stage and tore it up. The set was everything a fan would have wanted, i.e 90% Chocolate Starfish, plus Break Stuff. The only track from latest album Golden Cobra that they played was Douchebag, which features the eloquent chorus:

"Douchebag, I'mma fuck you up

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you up"

x4

A searing critique of cultural oppression, I'm sure you'll agree. But fuck it; it's Limp Bizkit. Unless you've stood with 30,000 people during My Generation, Take a Look Around, Rollin, and all the other songs you all know, you really can't say you hate them. To go all Durst on yo' ass, that shit is fuckin' infectious bro.

Bill Bailey followed Bizkit with his absolutely spot-on comedy. From Rammstein to The Wurzels, he was hugely entertaining. But we didn't come here for comedy; Sunday was all about Slipknot. Their first UK show since the death of Paul Gray was second to, if not on a par with the Big 4 in terms of anticipation. There were Slipknot shirts everywhere on people of all ages and despite the onset of the shitting rain, the crowd was immense.

Opening with the traditional 742617000027 and blasting straight into (sic), Slipknot weren't there to piss about. Drawing on over a decade of material, they fused new and old as my personal fave Disasterpiece led into Psychosocial before steaming through The Heretic Anthem and Duality. The lack of Paul Gray hasn't effected the sheer intensity of Slipknot's live performance and as Corey Taylor said, this was a celebration and not a commiseration. Earlier in the day there had been a two-minute silence across the whole site; all the fairground rides shut down and 60,000 people stood facing the stage in memory of the fallen Number 2. Taylor commended the crowd for their respect and tells us it was a truly wonderful thing to see.

There is of course one main reason why Slipknot are so brilliant live and as the main set draws to a close, we're told it's time to "SPIT! IT! OUT!". Most of the crowd know what happens next. Despite the mud, down we sit, and as the song kicks back in, up the fuck we jump. Wonderful stuff.

Coming back on with People = Shit and Surfacing, a giant "2" dominates the backdrop and Gray's boilersuit and mask are brought to the front of the stage. It all comes to an end and it's been a hugely emotional experience for the 'Knot but they couldn't have been on better form.

The music, and indeed the festival, had finished. As the rain continued to pour we headed back to the tent to evaluate the weekend we'd just experienced - the bands, the beers, the toilets, the food, the awesome fat ginger bloke in an army helmet - and there was only really one question on our minds; how the fuck are we going to win Rock Royalty tickets for Sonisphere 2012?

Emuters

Until today I've never noticed the similarities between commuters and emo kids - generic dark clothes, miserable faces, a general aura of grumpiness. Less fringe action mind. I don't object to being a cog in the ever-churning corporate machine but days like today, standing in a cramped train, cock-to-leg with numerous other besuited fellows, in a soaking wet coat and with the need for a cigarette meaning I'm about 17 minutes from mass homicide, I do sometimes wonder if it would be so bad if I chucked it all in went to live in a wood cabin in Alaska...

I'm being a bit emo myself now but fuck you, man. You like, don't understand my pain. Only Gerrard Way does... *hums The Black Parade*

Still, on the plus side The Big 4's performance from Sonisphere Bulgaria is coming out on DVD and BluRay in September. If The Red Wizard's review is anything to go by I shall most definitely be procurring this, buying a crate of beer and tuning my air guitar. Plus Slipknot's new DVD (sic)ness is released on September 28th and includes their crushing performance at Download 2009. I still get heartilly engorged thinking about Spit It Out during that performance.

Sad news about Adam 'Nergal' Darski this week though. You've probably heard by now that the Behemoth frontman has been diagnosed with leukemia and is in urgent need of a bone marrow transplant. On a rare Metal Harmony serious note, donating bone marrow is something we should all get involved with. The relative discomfort that the doner feels is negligible when you look at the good it can do. I'm going to get myself registered, go here if you want to do the same (UK only I'm afraid but information is easy to find).

Right, I'm off to get my hair cut like Justin Bieber.

Westside,
M
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I've arrived!

I got told I sucked yesterday. Some young chap took exception to my slightly derogatory review of the new Fleshwrought album, Dementia/Dyslexia and wrote on MetalasFuck's Facebook page that I suck.

I have to be honest, the pang of pride I felt was extraordinary. I've written something that has genuinely pissed someone off. I'd have preferred a bit more embellishment as to exactly why I suck but it's always nice when people have emotive responses to stuff I write... I can only hope that one day I too reach the level of Ian Winwood

I have enormous amounts of beef at the moment though. Lagwagon and No Use For A Name are touring Europe and not coming to the sodding UK, which is frankly devastating. I haven't seen these boys live for over a decade and when I heard a tour was planned, I immediately messaged Big Mearz and dusted of my wallet chain in preparation. How can you tour Europe and not play the UK?? Bastards!

As you can see this has cut me deep...Still, with a Whitechapel with Annotations Of An Autopsy and Trigger The Bloodshed tour, plus Devildriver and 36 Crazyfists all planned for the arse end of this year there's plenty to look forward too. It's been a fair while (in MADman terms) until I've been to see anyone live due to everything that's been going on at home so I'm getting jittery. Unless I'm in the pit getting sweated on by a selection of robust gentlemen in the next few weeks I might turn peculiar.

On the subject of gigs, Sonisphere takes place this weekend so for all you lucky, lucky fuckers who are trucking to Knebworth, have a truly amazing time. It's going to be difficult not to with Alice Cooper, Rammstein, Slayer, Anthrax, and some mob called Iron Maiden? It's a spectacular lineup and if money were no object I'd be all over it like a fat kid on a Mars bar.

I'm off to buy tickets for Cancer Bats so with the sun shining and last night's Chinese pushing uncomfortably on my lower intestine, see youz lot later.

Peace,
M
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Guest Blog - The Red Wizard and The Big 4

This week, The Red Wizard provides us with the first guest blog in Metal Harmony history. Our resident guitar aficionado and Mikael Akerfeldt lookalike was at one of the screenings of the Big 4 thrash extravaganza, the lucky bastard. Here's how it went down...

I have MADman to thank for getting to the screening of the Big 4's performance at Sonisphere, Bulgaria as if it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t have even known anything about it. So with 2 tickets booked for me and the missus we hit the pub for a swift pint before going to the cinema just in time to grab another cold one in the bar. We found our seats as the warm up began.

This consisted mainly of motormouth Lars, Scott Ian and Dave Mustaine talking about how great they are and how Lars created the universe. Lots of back slapping etc. Naturally Lars was the only one that looked comfortable, with Dave hunched forward with his hair over his eyes. Nothing particularly interesting.

So onto the show…

With Anthrax drawing the short straw it’s their job to open and they come out all guns blazing with a true thrash anthem in Caught in a Mosh. Once again Joey Belladonna is back in the band (for what is the third time now) but he’s in good form and boy does he prove it when they play Indians. Halfway through the song we hear the familiar intro to Heaven And Hell and the cinema and crowd at Sofia go crazy as Anthrax pay tribute to the recently departed Ronnie James Dio. Joey manages all the high notes effortlessly and it’s a joy to watch. After Anthrax we decided to smash another beer but whilst we were at the bar we were told Megadeth had already started. So much for it being live. There was obviously a delay so as to skip the changeover between bands. Beers smashed we rushed back into the cinema to hear Hanger 18 played with ferocity by Mustaine and crew. It was so cool to see 'Baby Dave' David Ellefson back on bass especially as this occasion was so huge. With a set picked mostly from Rust In Piece they got a fantastic response.

"Slayer! Slayer! Slayer!" You’ve heard it so many times before they step out on stage and when they do, they're still one of the most formidable looking bands ever. Opening number Hate Worldwide saw the Slayer fans crying out to cinema staff to turn it up as it did sound far too quiet for Slayer, so sensibly the volume was increased. I have to say their set was a bit lacklustre; sure they played great and had tremendous power but something seemed to be missing.

It was no surprise that Metallica would headline this little jaunt and when the sound of Ennio Morricone’s the Ecstasy of Gold seeps out of the p.a. the crowd starts to go crazy. I could tell you all about their set but all you need to know is this. …

Their first encore was Am I Evil and they were joined onstage by Anthrax, Dave Lombardo AND MEGADETH! Yes thrash fans, you heard that right. James Hetfield and Dave Mustaine, whose bitter rivalry is almost as famous as the two bands themselves, were stood side by side onstage. I never thought I would ever see the day when they would play on stage together again.

And so to close.

This was a unique chance to see the four biggest thrash metal bands perform onstage together. I was surprised to discover the cinema wasn’t full and the crowd inside it seemed pretty tame. They needed a little encouragement from this Red Wizard to start throwing horns clapping and cheering. The fact we couldn’t take beer into the cinema sucked and I also learnt Sofia, Bulgaria has the lamest circle pits in the universe. We hit the local metal pub for another beer and reflection. Seeing metal bands in the cinema is certainly cheaper and closer than travelling to gigs but it’s no substitute to actually being there sitting in a field smashing beers and feeling the full force of metal hitting you like a sledgehammer.

So with this epic cinematic experience behind him, our man in Scotland hands back the reins. I truly wish I could have seen this show but I already had tickets for Sex & The City 2 that day.

Until next week,

M

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Here we go again...

Apologies for my unexplained hiatus over the last couple of Fridays; me and Hot Chick have been moving house so a lack of Internet connection has resulted in my unblogitute. I thought some of you may get all emo and start cutting if you had to wait until Friday so here's a nice Monday treat for you.

No we've got that business taken care of, onto the really important stuff: why I'm not going to Sonisphere 2010.

The lineup for this event is so good that I've filled my pants a good six or seven times. But we've been over that before. Download 2010 announces it's headliners today and AC/DC are looking like the bleedin' obvious big hitter but aside from that, look at the other key facts; Download 2010 marks the 30th anniversary of heavy metal on Donnington's hallowed grounds. The capacity has gone from 80,000 to a bafflingly huge 110,000. Tell me there isn't going to be some insanely epic names needed to shift those tickets? Think of all the bands that have played over the years - imagine a "best of Donnington" lineup. Yeah, you like that, don't you? You dirty sl....sorry, getting all excited.

Here's the rub; Download could easily shift the numbers if they got some of the poppier bands of late. The danger here is that if cuntyball fuckwarblers Metro Station or spasticated wankmonkeys Plain White Ts are there you may see news reports of an overweight skinhead committing mass murder with an over-priced Yorkshire pudding. But you take the rough with the smooth. The other lot with money to burn are the 30-40 year olds, so rumours of Van Halen and the imminent demise of The Scorpions suggests a possible repeat of Download 2009's epic 80s power rock lineup win. Plus, with Corey Taylor refusing to miss a year, Stone Sour are a pretty hot favourite for a bit of new album promotion which is a big hit with this mother fucker, then there's Soundgarden's reformation, and so on and so forth...

Isn't variety the spice of life? Download has and always will mix the brutal with the melodic, the hardcore with the mainstream, the good with the shit, and I for one am a big fan of absorbing many types of over music over the weekend.

But perhaps the most important reason of all is that Hot Chick (and I shall be slaughtered for broadcasting this) is also celebrating her 30th anniversary of being on this big ol' hunk of space rock this year. As such, what kind of gentlementaller would I be if I didn't let her pick the festival this year? After all, she gets dragged along to a lot of shows she wouldn't choose over the rest of the year so it's only fair, innit?

Don't get it twisted homies, I'd love to be at both Sonisphere and Download but that's gonna be crazy expensive and damn impossible G.

So to conclude this Monday broadcast, it looks like MADman will be at Download 2010. Provided I can nick enough bags off old women and steal the lunch money off of enough school kids to pay for the tickets.

Now it's Monday morning so stop reading this and do some fucking work. It's your fault the world's in a recession.

M
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2010: A Metal Odyssey

Happy New fuckin' Decade folks. Who thought they'd live to see 2010, eh? Probably most of us but that's not particularly rock and roll. As the debate about what to call this decade rolls on, mainly amongst those with little or no sexual experience, I'm pleased to be back blogging about the shit that really matters; heavy metal, booze and using the word "cunt" in such a way that my mum isn't too disappointed.

2010 has already thrown some pretty epic shit our way - Sonisphere anyone? But some of the biggest news thus far has to be the reformation of grunge/post-grunge stalwarts Soundgarden which may just about prevent Chris Cornell forever being seen as a total cunt. Did you hear his last single? How in the name of Dave Mustaine's ginger pubes that shite came from the same man who did Black Hole Sun and Jesus Christ Pose is beyond comprehension. I'll wager a bag of shiny silver they end up treading the boards at Download 2010.

On a lesser scale, the reformation of Travis Barker and Tim Armstrong's The Transplants looks set to happen in 2010. Although Diamonds and Guns has been locked in an underground basement and continually raped by shampoo adverts for the past few years it's still one of the catchiest tunes I've ever come across; I'm interested to see what these boys come up with next.

But all this pales in comparison to the big release of the year. Ladies, gentlemen and confused transgender types; spring 2010 sees the release of Roses & Thorns, the autobiography of the one and only Poison frontman, Brett Michaels. Cannot fucking wait.

And now to Norwich. If you've never been to Norwich, you're missing out on, um, some stuff. Lots of churches and a pub for every day of the year if my memory serves me correctly. Norwich was also the birthplace of the greatest band that never was: Massive Towbar. Massive Towbar was a project conceived by me and Big Mearz, the most Norfolk man in history. Our aim was to combine our favourite styles of the time into one conceptual powerhouse of punk and metal, with inspiration ranging from Cradle of Filth to Pist.On to NOFX. Unfortunately, he played bass, I played drums, and we never actually played together once but alas, the legend of Massive Towbar remains strong. My (somewhat tenuous) point is, Norwich creates some fucking brutal musicians. I've been digging into the new Annotations Of An Autopsy album for MetalasFuck and II: The Reign Of Darkness is kicking off the new year in the most horribly brutal of ways. It is, without exception, one of the heaviest albums I've come across and the best thing is, it's from these hallowed shores, particularly from the oft-maligned East Anglian region.

The British death metal scene has been a bit lacklustre of late but we're starting to produce some serious noisemakers who are causing trouble all over the place. Trigger The Bloodshed and Malefice both produced albums that hit my 2009 top 10, and AOAA have impressed the UK's music press with their latest outing. It's good to see bands from towns and cities we all know and love taking brutality to a new level. Despite not being particularly patriotic, I do get a smile on my face and a pang of pride when people from overseas read my reviews, listen to the albums and go "fuck this is heavy!".

On a final note, am I the only person who still buys CDs? Am I the only one who likes reading sleevenotes and lyrics nowadays? Does a download version of Judas Priest's British Steel have the same impact as the razor blade-adorned 12-inch or CD?

Until next time,

M
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Is this the end? Not a chance

**DISCLAIMER**
MADman had an exceptionally big night, with highlights including sleeping briefly on a bench on the banks of the Thames and getting home as Hot Chick was off to work. Therefore, if the following is total bullshit, he accepts no responsibility whatsoever. In addition, any criticism may make him cry

It has to be said that the lineup for Download 2009 was a fucking sterling effort by the organisers. Motley, Slipknot, Journey, Leppard, a reformed Faith No More; the list is extensive and I was pretty convinced that this was as good as it was ever going to get. But on Wednesday, December 9th, the goalposts weren't so much moved, more taken over to North Korea and discretely obliterated in a covert underground nuclear explosion. The rumour mill had been circulating the possibility of Iron Maiden headlining Sonisphere UK 2010 and sure enough, there they were. However, what wasn't expected was the additional information that Rammstein, Alice Cooper, Slayer, The Cult, Anthrax and Iggy and The Stooges would also be on the bill. Read that again. And again. Now pause, go make a cup of tea, think about how much that list fucking rules and continue reading.

I love the Download Festival. It's an epic weekend. But in 2010, it's going to have one hell of a fight against Sonisphere based on this initial announcement. Not all of us can afford tickets to both and if there's a decision to be made, it's going to have to be something arse-rapingly astonishing to pull people away from the Irons. Few bands have the same draw but some of the names in the hat have pretty widespread appeal that would bring some non-metal money through the door - Bon Jovi are a big rumour, as are Green Day. I'd love to see both but Slayer, Anthrax, Alice...Andy Copping and the Download team had better have something inexplicably phenomenal planned. Ozzy? Or Sabbath with the original lineup? Megadeth? How about Queen with the original lineup? That'd be impressive. Bit dull after a while though.

There are clearly a million bands that can make a festival as hot as your first dump the morning after twelve pints and a madras but it's the big guns that get the numbers. I'm not suggesting Download is going to pack it's bags and fuck off - this is the 30th year of Donnington-based metallness after all. But Sonisphere has come to the UK with a global pedigree. It's cheaper, plus they're currently giving away free tickets to Sonisphere Poland with every weekend ticket to the UK event. The crazy futher muckers.

So what's it gonna be, Download? What have you got for us?

Please God, NOT My Chemical Romance again.

M
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