Ranting against morons

Are people being serious? Are people actually bitching and moaning about the Download 2012 lineup? Are people fucking retarded?

I'm sure you've heard all this before so please feel free to change the channel but I'm tired, hungry, and subsequently a grumpy bastard.

Download is one of the biggest music festivals in the UK - I think I might be right in saying it's second only to Glastonbury - which means that bands have to appeal to a large audience or they won't sell tickets. And if they don't sell tickets, the festival can't go ahead. Music is a business, hence the phrase 'music business', and businesses have to make money or they close. Money pays for bands too, by the way. Believe it or not, musicians don't just do it for the love, hence AC/DC's multi-million pound headline set at Download 2010.

Like it or not, having Anaal Nathrakh headlining the opening night won't get 80,000 people dipping into their pockets for £150. And if you have any working brain cells you will be aware that regardless of how mainstream you think they are, most people outside of the metal community don't actually know who Lamb of God or Trivium are.

'I thought Download was supposed to be a rock festival?' quips some six-fingered mong on Facebook. He has a point, as Devildriver, Machine Head, Black Sabbath, Anthrax and Devin Townsend are all pop acts. Soundgarden definitely aren't a rock act either.

Yes, Chase and Status are playing, and they're currently enjoying massive airplay on Radio 1 and other mainstream platforms but fuck me, give them a chance to do their thing before start crying about it. How many people though Pendulum were a shit dance act before seeing them tear up Download every time they play?

Every single festival I've been to has included bands I like, hate, and am completely ambivalent towards. It's time to come to terms with the fact that not every festival lineup can be put together based on what you - yes you - listen to.

However, I for one am boycotting all music festivals until I get the following:

Headliners: Slipknot, Leatherface, The Police
Support: Helsingland Underground, Terror, Evergreen Terrace, Iron Maiden, Dr. Dre, Lagwgon, Gaslight Anthem, Carnifex, Motley Crue, Frank Sinatra, Cradle of Filth, Nirvana, Limp Bizkit and 90's boy band Point Break.

So there.

M
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Is this the end? Not a chance

**DISCLAIMER**
MADman had an exceptionally big night, with highlights including sleeping briefly on a bench on the banks of the Thames and getting home as Hot Chick was off to work. Therefore, if the following is total bullshit, he accepts no responsibility whatsoever. In addition, any criticism may make him cry

It has to be said that the lineup for Download 2009 was a fucking sterling effort by the organisers. Motley, Slipknot, Journey, Leppard, a reformed Faith No More; the list is extensive and I was pretty convinced that this was as good as it was ever going to get. But on Wednesday, December 9th, the goalposts weren't so much moved, more taken over to North Korea and discretely obliterated in a covert underground nuclear explosion. The rumour mill had been circulating the possibility of Iron Maiden headlining Sonisphere UK 2010 and sure enough, there they were. However, what wasn't expected was the additional information that Rammstein, Alice Cooper, Slayer, The Cult, Anthrax and Iggy and The Stooges would also be on the bill. Read that again. And again. Now pause, go make a cup of tea, think about how much that list fucking rules and continue reading.

I love the Download Festival. It's an epic weekend. But in 2010, it's going to have one hell of a fight against Sonisphere based on this initial announcement. Not all of us can afford tickets to both and if there's a decision to be made, it's going to have to be something arse-rapingly astonishing to pull people away from the Irons. Few bands have the same draw but some of the names in the hat have pretty widespread appeal that would bring some non-metal money through the door - Bon Jovi are a big rumour, as are Green Day. I'd love to see both but Slayer, Anthrax, Alice...Andy Copping and the Download team had better have something inexplicably phenomenal planned. Ozzy? Or Sabbath with the original lineup? Megadeth? How about Queen with the original lineup? That'd be impressive. Bit dull after a while though.

There are clearly a million bands that can make a festival as hot as your first dump the morning after twelve pints and a madras but it's the big guns that get the numbers. I'm not suggesting Download is going to pack it's bags and fuck off - this is the 30th year of Donnington-based metallness after all. But Sonisphere has come to the UK with a global pedigree. It's cheaper, plus they're currently giving away free tickets to Sonisphere Poland with every weekend ticket to the UK event. The crazy futher muckers.

So what's it gonna be, Download? What have you got for us?

Please God, NOT My Chemical Romance again.

M
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