I am jealous

As previously whinged about, I sadly shan't be attending the mighty Download this year but alas, it is my duty as an opinionated wannabe music journalist to cast my tuppence into the ring. Obviously the headliners are all bleedin' marvellous but lets not forget the smorgasbord of quality outfits also sharing the woodwork. Ergo, these are the 5 bands that I reckon are going to destroy the stage this weekend.

Machine Head
Obvious, really. Stalwarts of Donnington Park and fresh off the back of an arena tour supporting the epic Unto the Locust, Machine Head will be looking to convince crowds and festival bosses alike that they are ready for the much-coveted main stage headline slot.

Skindred
I may not be the worlds biggest Skindred fan but Christ alive they can play a live show. Benji Webb refuses to age and has more energy than almost any other metal frontman. Come rain or shine, the Newport Helicopters will no doubt come out in force during Warning.

Cancer Bats
Developing a reputation as one of the most exciting live bands of the moment is no mean feat and there's no doubt in my mind that the Canadian hardcore mob will show that they deserve their main stage billing.

Europe
90% of the crowd will go to hear the Final Countdown and will walk away dumbfounded that such an astounding rock band is known for such a shit song. Rumoured to be dropping Countdown from their live sets, they'll definitely play it at Download but On Broken Wings, Rock the Night and Ready or Not will silence all detractors and set the place off.

Sebastian Bach
Last year's Kicking and Screaming was a surprising inclusion in the Metal Harmony Top 10 of the Year and showed that the former Skid Row frontman still has the chops to deliver proper heavy metal anthems. As he only has a 30-min set I hope he focuses on new material, although 18 and Life wouldn't go amiss.
I'd also like to see Emmure to establish if they are as abysmal live as they are on record.

It's good to see the Devildriver boys back on the main stage but I have mixed feelings about their late morning, 30-min set. Four places below Lamb of God is a bit harsh but sharing a stage with Megadeth, Soundgarden and Black Sabbath does make main stage Sunday a bit of premium metal real estate.

The weather looks fucking dreadful but to be honest, who cares? That's why god invented excessive drinking.

If you're going, or are already there, have a dirty great belter, you lucky bastards.

M
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Getting a motor running

This year, Bro Dude and I are taking part in a charity car rally which sees us driving a very cheap, very crap car to Barcelona and back. The charity in question is the Martha Trust, an organisation that does sterling work with individuals suffering from profound learning and physical disabilities.

The rules stipulate that the car can't cost more than £200, so we bought ourselves a beautiful 26-year-old Nissan Micra, resplendent in mint green. Our chariot for this 1,700-mile round trip has no tape deck, let alone a CD player. Which leads us on the a phenomenally important question; what albums should we take? With this in mind and taking into consideration the variance in mine and Bro Dude's musical taste, I have compiled  today's 5 Albums Wot You Should Take on a Massive Long Charity Drive in a Shit Car:

Fat Wreck Chords - Survival of the Fattest
Big lazy to put a compilation album in I know but for pure enjoyment this is almost certainly my personal favourite of all time. High Standard's legendary cover of California Dreamin', daft supergroup Me First and the Gimme Gimmes version of Country Roads, Lagwagon, NOFX; what an absolute SoCal skatepunktastic belter.

Machine Head - The Blackening
I'll have to work on Bro Dude a bit with this one but the idea of belting through France with Halo cranked up through whatever sound system we can get organised? Fucking yes. The only downside is that as an album, it has massive potential to cause road rage.

N.W.A - Straight Outta Compton
I don't profess to be a hip hop expert but Straight Outta Compton is a bloody marvellous piece of work. Aside from the fact that all the tracks are classics, the image of two 30-something Englishmen driving a rickety old Nissan whilst rapping along with Fuck Tha Police is rather amusing.

Metallica - S&M
Let's face it; its going to impossible to keep the conversation flowing non-stop for the duration of the rally so an epic album with tonnes of depth will be essential. With this monumental album the long, boring motorways will be eaten up in no time, and the frankly perfect Fuel will cause a heavy right foot to push our war machine well up to a mind boggling 62mph.

The Prodigy - Experience
We're 300 miles in, the car is rattling, its impossible to get above 60mph, the testosterone levels created by two men in a small metal box is causing tensions to rise; Out of Space comes on and all becomes right with the world. Pure dancealong perfection guaranteed to keep spirits up.

If you want to keep abreast of our progress with the motor, see our stupid sponsorship stunts and generally be a good egg, your 'likes' would be appreciated here. To find out more about the rally and the Martha Trust, go here.

Adieu
M
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Ranting against morons

Are people being serious? Are people actually bitching and moaning about the Download 2012 lineup? Are people fucking retarded?

I'm sure you've heard all this before so please feel free to change the channel but I'm tired, hungry, and subsequently a grumpy bastard.

Download is one of the biggest music festivals in the UK - I think I might be right in saying it's second only to Glastonbury - which means that bands have to appeal to a large audience or they won't sell tickets. And if they don't sell tickets, the festival can't go ahead. Music is a business, hence the phrase 'music business', and businesses have to make money or they close. Money pays for bands too, by the way. Believe it or not, musicians don't just do it for the love, hence AC/DC's multi-million pound headline set at Download 2010.

Like it or not, having Anaal Nathrakh headlining the opening night won't get 80,000 people dipping into their pockets for £150. And if you have any working brain cells you will be aware that regardless of how mainstream you think they are, most people outside of the metal community don't actually know who Lamb of God or Trivium are.

'I thought Download was supposed to be a rock festival?' quips some six-fingered mong on Facebook. He has a point, as Devildriver, Machine Head, Black Sabbath, Anthrax and Devin Townsend are all pop acts. Soundgarden definitely aren't a rock act either.

Yes, Chase and Status are playing, and they're currently enjoying massive airplay on Radio 1 and other mainstream platforms but fuck me, give them a chance to do their thing before start crying about it. How many people though Pendulum were a shit dance act before seeing them tear up Download every time they play?

Every single festival I've been to has included bands I like, hate, and am completely ambivalent towards. It's time to come to terms with the fact that not every festival lineup can be put together based on what you - yes you - listen to.

However, I for one am boycotting all music festivals until I get the following:

Headliners: Slipknot, Leatherface, The Police
Support: Helsingland Underground, Terror, Evergreen Terrace, Iron Maiden, Dr. Dre, Lagwgon, Gaslight Anthem, Carnifex, Motley Crue, Frank Sinatra, Cradle of Filth, Nirvana, Limp Bizkit and 90's boy band Point Break.

So there.

M
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The end of the year as we know it...

It's the Top 10 you've all been waiting for...

More of this type of silliness in 2012.

Merry Christmas,

M
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Something new...

The sound is well out of synch, apologies for that. but you get the general idea.

Being pissed off

I'm pissed off. My ultra super special fanboy edition of Metal Hammer with copy of Machine Head's Unto The Locust still hasn't turned up. I've tweeted, I've sent a strongly worded email - what more can a man do??

Which leads me on to today's blog about things piss me off about metal. And the world in general.

5. People who listen to metal
Well, people that only listen to metal. Great idea, listening to a single genre. Best ignore NWA, they didn't do anything for music. The Eagles? Load of hippy shit. In fact, anything that isn't played in drop D and covered in blood and dead Jesus is mainstream and bland. Wankers.

4. People who do impressions of metal
"I don't know how you can listen to all that 'RAA RAA RAA' music". Well, you be pleased to know I don't. In fact, I don't know anyone who does and more to the point I can't think of a single band or song that just goes 'RAA RAA RAA'. It's like saying "I don't know how you can listen to all that 'bitch bitch bitch' music" to a hip hop fan or 'I don't know how you can listen to all that 'sandals sandals sandals, music" to a Newton Faulkner fan. Fucking annoying.

3. Facebook
I'm all for bands promoting themselves but I'm not going to 'like' something just because you've asked me to. I shall listen, if I like it, then so be it. Also, The Bunny The Bear: I think If You Don't Have Anything Nice To Say... is a great album but if you post the video for Ocean Floor one more time I'm going to shit a badger. And Annotations Of An Autopsy - please, please, please stop. Just stop.

2. The definition of emo
What the fuck does 'emo' even mean anymore? I was always under the impression it stood for 'emotional hardcore' so had Alexisonfire in that category but then Panic At The Disco and My Chemical Romance came and they were seemingly the poster children of emo. Then I was at the Metal Hammer Golden Gods in 2007 and some bearded buffoon was stating how Killswitch Engage were emo, and now I'm being told Black Veil Brides are emo. As I understand now, you must have tight trousers and terrible hair to be emo. Which makes Poison and Whitesnake emo. For fuck's sake.

1. Festival headliners
Here's a shocking statement; sometimes, just sometimes, festivals are put together with bands other than just your favourites. Sometimes, bands that you don't like play the festivals that you go to. The best thing to do in this crazy situation is DON'T GO AND SEE THEM! Stop bitching and whining and go to a different stage, you swamp-dwelling anus chimp. Or better still, go on to every forum you can find and tell everyone how shit the line-up is, and how they should totally have booked real metal like Kvvtlretvtrkkaak from Norway or British up and comers Painful Foreskin Hemorrhage. You twat.

This has been marginally cathartic but I'm still in a bad mood. I'm off to punch Mick Hucknall.

M
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Machine effin Head

If there's one album I really can't wait to hear this year it's Machine Head's Unto The Locust. Reviews thus far suggest it's going to surpass their 2007 masterpiece The Blackening which to be honest, is about as big a feat as can be achieved in metal. Having pleaded for a preview copy with the MetalasFuck boss, only to be told Roadrunner Records will only allow certain people from certain brands to listen to their big hitters for a certain period of time, I decided to order the awesometastic ultramega fanboy deluxe edition, which comes with a bonus track, a 130-odd page Metal Hammer Machine Head special, a bottle opener, a patch and a couple of posters. All vital parts of any album, in my opinion.

Machine Head are one of the few bands who are almost universally loved in the metal world. They've had a few stinkers over the years (the cover of The Police's Message in a Bottle is best left unmentioned) but aside from this they've produced some truly seminal metal tunes. I've often said that if someone who had never heard music asked me what metal was, I'd play them Black Sabbath's Iron Man and Slayer's Raining Blood. I'm confident that Machine Head's Take My Scars would also be a worthy inclusion.

Then of course, their live performances. Having first experienced Machine Fucking Head live at the Metal Hammer Golden Gods in 2007, and five or six times thereafter, they are true masters of their art. Robb Flynn is a phenomenal frontman and aside from his shredding and vocal prowess, the fact that he'll often get people up on stage, pass a bottle of Jagermeister into the crowd, and generally make the whole thing a proper fucking party make the whole live experience something to behold.

And the set lists?Always spot on. Since The Blackening, Aesthetics of Hate has been an integral part of Machine Head's live set - the tribute to Dimebag Darrell and "fuck you" to his critics is always emotional and played with such fury that it's no wonder I ended up bleeding from the face in my inaugural Machine Head pit.

So what will Unto The Locust do for Machine Head? Reviews so far have been universally excellent, lead song Locust is absolutely punishing; it seems as if the band who have repeatedly reached a career high are about to do it again.

Now, to patiently wait for the September 27th release date.

M
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The highs and lows

As a final high-5 to Download 2010, I though I'd do a good old fashioned best of/worst of. This is a combination of me being lazy and the fact that I'm sure you've already read several hundred reviews of the event (clearly the best of which was mine). So, on to the business in hand.

The Best:

5. Semi-naked people

I don't mean the promo girls walking around in their underwear; I mean the fat/bald/hairy/old Downloaders: people that really do not give a fuck and are just themselves all weekend. It's the least judgemental place on earth and a welcome relief from the ultra-critical world in which we spend 90% of our lives.

4. Five stages

An acoustic stage? What a great shout. There's no such thing as too much metal but sitting in the sun chinning a beer whilst a quality rock band strum their way through an unplugged set is a wonderful thing. Then wander to one of the tents for some smaller bands, past the main stage for some of the biggest names in music on your way to a different stage to catch a brutal death metal outfit, and they're all close enough to avoid "I really can't be arsed" syndrome.

3. Cold beer/great Guinness

Every single pint I got was chilled to perfection, whether it was at 10:30 or 23:00. Nothing in the world is less satisfying than a warm lager. And the Guinness Extra Cold was, um, extra cold, with the creamy, velvety head you only get on a lovely fresh pint. Mmm...

2. The variety

Napalm Death and HIM sharing the same stage? Zebrahead and Whitechapel treading the same boards? Dommin and Hellyeah plugging their instruments into the same amps? It can only be Download. The people who criticise the lineup are hilarious and although Machine Head and Suffocation playing every slot on every stage would indeed be very metal, the variety is what makes Download truly awesome.

1. The headliners

Okay, Sonisphere has Iron Maiden this year but let me just spell it out for you again:

AC/DC
Rage Against The Machine
Aerosmith

AC/DC was as close to perfection as a rock show could ever be, RATM brought a passion and political anger the likes of which I've never experienced and Aerosmith demonstrated potentially the greatest live vocal I have ever seen. Fair enough AC/DC bringing their own stage was a bit ostentatious and their £3m+ price tag is a bit on the renty side but you know what? That's fucking rock and roll baby.

The Worst:

5. Friday beer queue

With AC/DC headlining the main stage, it seems the extra 30,000 tickets for Download this year were all day tickets for Friday. As regular readers may have gleaned from Metal Harmony, I love a beer and subsequently drink a lot of them. Therefore, standing in a fucking enormous queue for fucking ages was a complete pain in the arse on Friday.

4. The Sunday afternoon rain

Fair enough we had sublime weather on Friday and Saturday but the biblical rain on Sunday was a bit of a buzz kill, especially as it dramatically thinned the crowd and meant me and Hot Chick were stuck watching fucking T-34.

3. Missing virtually all of Whitechapel's set

My one shocker of the weekend; we'd managed to get shelter and started to dry off a bit, only to realise that Whitechapel were playing at the other side of the site. We got there only in time for one song, which was a right pain in my arsehole.

2. T-34

I may have mentioned it previously but why the fuck this shit covers band were gracing the same stage as Suicidal Tendencies baffles me. I'm generally a bit of a miserable twat at the best of times but coupled with the rain, this completely pissed me off no end.

1. The noodles

I've done it once; "I'm bored of burgers, I'm going to try the noodles". This was the only time in my hearty-eating life I've not finished a meal. The noodles at Download are fucking horrendous. They taste of dysentery, smell like a corpse's foreskin and look as appealing as a bareback bunk-up with Margaret Thatcher. And NO-ONE LIKES THEM. There are piles of the bastards all over the site that you always end up sitting in. I hate them. Ban the fuckers, I say.

So there we have it. It's all over for now but as Metallica once eloquently said, the memory remains. But in no time at all we'll be discussing how the first announcement is shit and isn't metal all over again.

Until next week, and for those about to rock, I salute you.

M

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The more things change...

...The more they stay the same. Apologies to those of you were expecting some kind of radically different Metal Harmony after my hiatus last week but did Michelangelo paint the Sistine Chapel overnight? Huh? Did he ballbags. So continue to watch this space. It'll be worth it. Probably.

I had a trawl through the plethora of bands that follow me on Twitter this week in desperate search for some quality relatively unknown metal and found my search as useful as fucking a corpse in the hope of starting a family. There is a real wealth of shit out there. Don't get me wrong; A Day To Remember are a decent pop-metal band, nothing wrong there, but there's no need for 68,000 new bands to sound exactly the fucking same as them. It's indescribably boring. I did stumble across Lead Farmer though and if you like truly garage death grind, check them out

I'm also well into the new album from Valkyrja this week, entitled Contaminated. It's pure black metal and deserves to be played at a granny-bothering volume if only for the insane kick drum. Full review on Metal as Fuck in the next few days so check it out, unless you're either a total pussy or a devout Christian.

Bullet For My Valentine also gave us a taster of new album Fever this week, with a free download of Begging For Mercy. All in all, not bad. Matt Tuck's voice is still a bit weedy and the drumming's hardly something you'd drop your trousers and play with your danglers over but despite me being one of the few that didn't hate Scream Aim Fire, this is a marked improvement.

Remember how I was bitching about not being able to go to Rammstein and having to sell my tickets to Machine Head? Here's the punchline; I won four tickets to the forthcoming Hammerfest 2 festival, which includes the likes of Napalm Death, Devildriver, and many more stalwarts of savagery...but I'm unable to go. Now listen up kids; the primary problem here is money so here's my thinking: you all send me £50 (or equivalent if you're reading this outside the UK) so I can go to numerous events, and I write super lovely reviews for you all to enjoy. Anyone? No? Ungrateful bastards.

Onto shit I shall be attending though, as Download 2010 pulled a real 12-incher out of the bag this week with Rage Against The Machine and Aerosmith (with whom organiser Andy Copping assures us Steven Tyler will perform), as well as other crowd pleasers in the shape of Lamb Of God...which reminds me! The Lamb Of God gig was excellent but I was so nailed I could do about as effective a review as Helen Keller could a 100m-sprint.

Anyway, Lamb Of God, Five Finger Death Punch (not sure why so many people hate this lot) and Stone Sour, which pleases Hot Chick no end. All this being said, in order to ensure not all of my posts are about Download and Sonisphere between now and the summer, future updates on these titanic festivals will be limited to:

Download - 5FDP, Aerosmith, Stone Sour

Sonisphere - no announcement

Download wins

See what I've done there? Informative and opinionated, cunning stunt that I am.

In other news, some mob known as "Irons Maident" or something have virtually completed their new album. Can't think of anyone who cares, to be honest...

Kisses and bum sex,

M

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It all started so well...

February has managed to transform from being an epically good month gig-wise to being a bit of a shitter. Events have conspired against me and the devil has once again shat in my coffee. Firstly, I was unable to attend last night's Rammstein madness, and due to a combination of poor timing and imminent bankruptcy, I've had to flog my tickets to Machine Head. So only Lamb Of God remains ahead this month but I'm expecting nothing less than crippling metal perfection there, plus Between The Buried and Me is a new live band for me and they're promising to be insane.

Also slightly disappointing is the fact that despite crowd surfing my fat carcass continually across the heads of many poor bastards and generally wreaking havoc I still failed to get into DevilDriver's Another Night In London video. This being said it's a great bit of celluloid and if you were at the HMV Forum gigs in London in October, it brings back some pleasantly warming memories.

Anyway, enough of this grizzling. There are people in the world much less fortunate than I with their gig attendance, including folks who have actually paid to see Hollywood Undead.

2010 also marks the return of the most important band in my life; Leatherface. As you may recall from Not A Day Goes By (July 3rd 2009), I fucking love this lot so new album The Stormy Petrel, released on February 22nd through Big Ugly Fish, is a boner-inducing prospect. Look out for my review in the coming weeks.

So with no Rammstein to report, I feel a bit naked in terms of content today. However, there are lots of exciting things on the horizon - new sexy Metal Harmony site, new brutal metal reviews for MetalasFuck, new unsigned Canadian carnage, so watch this space as I'm going to be after photos, demos and general shit from all you lot in the not too distant future.

Metal Harmony is on the rise mother fuckers.

M

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The month of pure awesome

My second Monday blog post in as many weeks. This is due to a monumentally hungover MADman on Friday, resulting in an emergence from bed early afternoon and a margarita pizza for 'breakfast'. You get the idea.

What a week it was though. Download 2010 officially confirmed AC/DC as headliners, plus Megadeth, Bullet For My Valentine, Deftones, Motorhead - okay, so it's not going as mind-boggling as the initial Sonisphere shout but it's something for us to get our teeth into. I dutifully purchased tickets for me and Hot Chick; cannot fucking wait.

February kicks off today and I've been looking forward to it in a massive way for a few key reasons:

Feb 4th - Rammstein

Feb 13th - Lamb of God (with Job For A Cowboy, August Burns Red, Between The Buried And Me)

Feb 18th - Machine Head (with Hatebreed, Bleeding Through, Man Must Die)

Fair enough I'm going to be broke well before the end of the month but to be honest, it's going to be worth it. I've never seen Rammstein live but find myself eagerly anticipating the pyro-tastic Teutonic oiled man fest. Perhaps that says a little something about me.

For any seriously metal metallers tucking into a bit of Metal Harmony, I've been absolutely blown away by the second album from Scandinavian octet Eluveitie over the last couple of weeks. I can only really describe them as blackened folk death metal and would strongly recommend listening to Everything Remains (As It Never Was) for a truly exceptional audio experience, combining traditional instrumental folk songs with brutal blasting arse-clenchingly heavy guitar. I won't go into too much detail but the review'll be going up on MetalasFuck in a few days...

Canadian's Aeternam have also impressed me with their debut album Disciples Of The Unseen. There's a thrash vibe with black-as-hell undertones, with the occasional melodic vocal and interlude you'd expect to be playing in a Turkish bazaar. If you're planning a virginal sacrifice in your basement, this is a good choice of album to play in the background.

Whilst I have you attention, go to Annotation Of An Autopsy's MySpace (in the list) as they're streaming the new album II: The Reign Of Darkness in it's entirety. Listen to it. It will make you cry.

As a final point, thanks to Sea Of Treachery for covering Paramore's Misery Business. The original is a guilty pleasure of mine but this version is fucking insane. As always, link in the list. Fuck I'm good to you.

Tune in next time to find out if I get forcefully fisted by burly Germans in arseless chaps at Rammstein.

M

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A good time for the 80s

There's no doubt about it; the 80s are coming back. "What makes you say that, O writer of musical waffling?" you may ask. Well, for all you fans of the way of the Hair:

W.A.S.P's new album is out in October. Babylon is apparently a concept effort based on the biblical tale of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse...should be a bit of a giggle. Add to this the forthcoming tours from Europe (Camden, November 1st) and RATT (December 1st, Islington) and I'm concerned that I may not be able to move around London without becoming ensnared in a web of backcombed hair.

On a more contemporary note, leave your diaries clear in mid-February 2010. On 13th, the currently unbeatable Lamb of God will be brutalising Brixton with support from over-rated younglings Job For a Cowboy. A mere five days later on Feb 18th, the mighty Machine Head are joined by hardcore legends Hatebreed plus Bleeding Through and All Shall Perish for what's bound to be a shitfight of epic proportions at Brixton. I've got my tickets for both. Ha ha.

I'm into the new Black Dahlia Murder album Deflorate at the mo. It's heavier than I'd normally go for day to day listening but I can't help but appreciate the uncompromising savagery. The album's out on September 15th and I would strongly recommend buying it, or stealing it, depending on how close to pikey scum you are. Necropolis is the fave for airplay but Christ Deformed and Death Panorama both gave me the sensation of having my head caved in by a stampede of epileptics. Trevor Strnad continues to impress with a violent yet controlled vocal and drummer Shannon Lucas is so good I could easily maintain a partial erection during most songs.

Also, whilst I've got your attention, listen to Hellpreacher, the new album from Birds of Prey. This mob has got members of Alabama Thunderpussy and Municipal Waste in their ranks and this album is an absolute beauty. I reviewed this, along with an absolute abortion of a shitfuck from Dysrythmia for MetalasFuck, so click on the link and have a read of the full breakdown. Or I swear to God I will beat you down like a crippled granny. Sorry, still listening to Black Dahlia Murder...

Laters.

Death, darkness and hair metal

What can I say? It's been a while but alas ye old thundercunt known as my day job has been keeping me busy.

So what's new? A highlight for me was getting a message from my stadium gig brother in arms Shithouse asking me what DevilDriver album he should buy. I'm glad my constant praise is not going unnoticed. I might drop Dez and the boys a line as they clearly fucking owe me.

I also bumped into Metal Hammer editor Alexander Milas outside London's finest metal drinkery The Crobar. Unfortunately I was spannered and ended up dribbling utter bollocks at him for 10 minutes. However, we exchanged emails the next day and seemingly he doesn't think I'm as much of a fucking waffling imbecile as I actually am, so we're good.

Now back to the music. I've never been. A big Job For A Cowboy fan, not because of the typical loathing these guys have received from the "they're not Death, therefore they're shit" brigade, but simply because I don't like them. Don't get me wrong, Jon Rice on the drums is frankly superhuman but Jonny Davy's vocals sound hideously immature. I've seen JFAC live twice and both times I've not even registered a semi. Still, my mate The Red Wizard was all over their new outing Runiation so I gave it some ear time as he knows his shit. And I still can't get excited about them. Yes, it's heavy as fuck. Yes, there's sheer insanity with the musicianship but for me, it's like the fifth wank of the day; hard work and unrewarding.

On the other hand, Goatwhore's Carving Out The Eyes Of God is a fucking pounder of an album that makes you want to eat porcelain and rip open old people. It's 40 minutes of sheer, unbridled heaviness which ain't for the weak and feeble. Listen to this album and try not to punch yourself in the face. It's a struggle.

In complete contrast, I cannot get enough of Outloud's debut album We'll Rock You To Hell And Back. It's so fucking good it's untrue. It's like the bastard child of Europe, Whitesnake, Motley and DragonForce. I reviewed it a while back for MetalasFuck and it's been in my ears ever since. To all you 80s hair/power metal fans, fucking buy this now or you are quite frankly retarded.

Keeping things black and poorly recorded, I'm enjoying Croatian depressives Infernal Tenebra's 2001 debut Beneath The Twilight. This ridiculously atmospheric prog-black metal outing sounds like it's been recorded on someone's mobile phone in a garden shed but there's no denying the lack of sunshine in these boy's lives. This ain't for mass consumption but if you want something a bit off piste, it's a worthy listen.

I'm also lucky enough to have just got a copy of Amon Amarth's The Crushor reissue, which includes loads of live shit in addition to the 2000 album, plus the full Ninjaspy album, so much more of that to come. And a date for your diary fuckers - February 18th, 2010; Machine Head playing a one-off at Brixton. Get tickets as soon as you can because this is going to be more brutal than a bare knuckle cage fight between Kerry King and Dakota Fanning.

Right, time to suck today's dick.

Kill you all later.

\M/