A plea

I feel somewhat deflated this year. Knowing full well that I won't be attending any festivals is a bit of a shitbag, and this will be the first time in five years I've not done a shit in a hot plastic cupboard after a day drinking weak lager.

I'm not too worried though; the Download lineup is rubbish at present anyway.*

*Please sense the fucking irony.

But emo grumblings aside, 'tis still the season to enjoy righteous tunage. There's been some absolute winners landing at Metal Harmony HQ over the past few weeks, notably the latest Allegaeon album, Formshifter,  which is as superb as melodic death metal gets. Most recently though, there's the latest self-titled release from deathcore giants Whitechapel, which will be getting a proper picking apart on the pages of MetalasFuck.net in the next few days, and is bloody marvellous.

However, if there is one thing the Metal Harmony headphones have been lacking it's a new, proper good punk outfit. Many weeks have elapsed since Executioners came to my attention, but now I'm after something along the lines of Rise Against, Strung Out, Lagwagon; I feel like this kind of music simply doesn't exist anymore.

Ergo, consider today a plea: I NEED SKATE PUNK. It simply ain't summer without skate punk. If you can't listen to NOFX whilst drinking a million beers at a barbecue then summer might as well fuck off. My request is simply that if any of you lot know of a band that might have slipped under my radar, drop me a line.

Hook a brother up, people.

M
\m/

It's not just metal

*Warning: the first couple of paragraphs are not about metal*

I've said it before but I'll say it again; metal has some fucking odd genres, usually made up by over- imaginative PRs and journalists. However, whilst engaging in conversation with some of my non-metal colleagues I was introduced to a couple of real beauties in their world; 'aquacrunk' and 'purple'. Purple? That's just silly. Being a fan of a broad spectrum of music though I dutifully scoured the International Webosphere for example of these genres and what I discovered was, well, uninspiring and a bit shit.

However, my time was rewarded whilst researching 'donk'. Donk is essentially an onomatopoeic word used to describe music made by teenagers in tracksuits in the North of England, who then rap over it in regional accents. This is without a doubt the funniest thing I've heard since a bloke in my office suggested Kings Of Leon were metal; take a look for yourselves (stick with it, it just gets better and better)

Moving away from donk, let's get back to proper music. I've got an interview with Singapore grinders Wormrot in a couple of weeks for Metal as Fuck courtesy of our friends at Earache so if there is anything you'd particularly like to know, post it on here and I'll see what I can do. Bearing in mind they're described as 'abusive grindcore', questions about their favourite way to spend a Sunday and which celebrities they have crushes on won't make the cut. I'm also planning to force myself upon Trigger The Bloodshed (in an interview sense, not a genitals-to-anus sense) later this month so any questions for those boys too, let a brother know.

On a serious note, I'm sure both of my regular readers will join me in wishing Bret Michaels a speedy recovery. The Poison front man has had a real run of it - after smashing his face in on the set at the Tony Awards, then needing emergency surgery on his appendix, he is now recovering in hospital after suffering a massive brain hemorrhage. All reports suggest his condition is improving. All the best, you formerly massive haired, devilishly handsome son of a gun.

So with the sun shining and the weekend merely a working day away, I bid you adieu.

Have a good one
M
\m/

Local mental

I had a pang of pride this week as I witnessed some local talent destroying the stage as support for Malefice. Local boys Gokken opened proceedings and whilst the singer's voice was nothing extraordinary, they were musically tight and a decent start to proceedings. Incidentally, 'gokken' is the Japanese word for 'gulp' and is essentially porn in which women (or men) drink large quantities of semen. Found that out through Google. At work.

Gokken were followed by Avarice Rising. This local six-piece have two lead singers which although not particularly rare, one of these guys really blew me away. Chris stands about 5ft 6inches with terrible salon hair, a plaid shirt and white flesh tunnels. This mellow-voiced fellow opened his mouth the unleash one of the most brutal live vocals I've heard. From horrific screams to full on death grunts, the guy was amazing. Once off stage, I asked him where the fuck the voice came from, to which he just cocked his head to one side, smiled sweetly and said "I've just got demons inside me", before walking off. An intriguing dude.

Final band Reasonable Doubt brought a nice slab of metallic hardcore to the table, particularly drummer James who was a complete animal. Fantastic double kick work and impressive blastbeats, all in all tight as fuck.

I was lucky enough to catch up with Dale Butler from Malefice before the Reading boys the stage. He was milling around, manning the merch stand and watching the support bands intently so we grabbed a few minutes to chat. The full interview and review will be on MetalasFuck in the next few days but the general gist was that Malefice take what they do incredibly seriously and when they take the stage, this is pretty bloody obvious.

In other nooz, Iron Maiden have confirmed their North American tour with Dream Theatre which quite simply has to come to the UK or I shall start crying and go on a rampage. I've never been an enormous Dream Theatre fan but having seen them at Download (either last year or 2008, can't remember to be honest) I can fully appreciate their progressive musings. I hear Maiden are good live too...

A major criticism I have this week is of BBC 6Music. Last week I was singing it's praises and encouraging it's survival; this sentiment remains but I also think it's important that they get a little slap. They compiled a survey to decide on the thirty best guitarists of the last thirty years. I know this kind of survey is always contentious and people will always bitch, but if your going to include Kirk Hammett, how in the name of my low-hanging left bollock can you omit Dave Mustaine? That's like Jerry Springer being ahead of Oprah Winfrey in a 'Best Rich Chubby Black Female American Talk Show Host' competition. And I must have missed something for Jack White to be there so if anyone could explain I would genuinely appreciate it.

Plus, no Yngwie Malmsteen? Have a word!

Time to go. Check out the three local bands in my Cool Shit list, you won't be disappointed. Well, you might but that really is no concern of mine.

M
\m/

Wormgrind?

After the abomination that was February's gig attendance, I'm hoping March is going to be less of a catastrophic failure. This month I'm lucky enough to have British metallers Malefice playing about a ten minute walk from my house, which is going to be pretty fucking special (providing the home town can deliver a better turnout than we did with Madball). These guys made it into my top ten of 2009 with their second album Dawn Of Reprisal and I've only seen them live once in the past, so one is particularly excited, innit.

Then it's the perpetually hated Trivium, with support coming from the excellent Chimaira and Whitechapel. So all in all, good things are on the horizon. Best not jinx it though...

The mighty Maiden have confirmed that their new album, without doubt the most anticipated release of 2010, will be called The Final Frontier. I can already foresee me, Shithouse and Bandy camping outside the local HMV on release day (which is as yet TBC) as I'm nowhere near an important enough music hack to get a preview copy. Although if anyone from their management is reading this, I will do anything to get my hands on it. Anything (cue horrendous and scarring image of me being sexy and seductive).

One of the most frustrating things about the last week is BBC director general Mark Thompson's proposed closure of BBC 6Music. For those of you who don't know, 6Music is a DAB radio station in the UK that delivers a genuine mix of music on a daily basis. They may not have a plethora of metal on their playlists but you can expect a healthy chunk of G'n'R, Maiden, Metallica, and the like. Plus, I got a massive rouge throbber this week when DJ Steve Lamacq span the Leatherface classic Do The Right Thing. That man deserves a fucking OBE as I didn't think anyone after the legendary John Peel would ever adorn the airwaves with the wonders of Sunderland's finest punk legends. So do me a favour; sign this petition as it may be the only way to prevent me having to listen to Lady Gaga and Girls Aloud all day in the office.

Album of the week for me has to be Wormrot's latest beauty Abuse. 23 songs,including eloquently titled So Fierce For Fuck!?, Shitlack and Fuck...I'm Drunk, this quality album is over and done with in about 20 minutes. I can honestly say that Wormrot are my favourite grindcore band from Singapore, without a doubt.

(Must digress briefly as I've got my non-Apple MP3 on shuffle at the mo and NOFX Don't Call Me White has just come one. What. A. Fucking. Tune.)

My festival update:

Sonisphere - Skunk Anansie, Funeral For A Friend, Apocalyptica, Fighstar, Apocalyptica, Gallows

Download - no announcement

Download wins, purely as I have never been less interested by announcement than Sonisphere's this week. A few good bands there but hardly enough to make you need a bit of locked-door private time.

And on that note, I bid you adieu. Oh, and check out the latest installment of my column on MetalasFuck; I know you've nothing better to do.

Have a fucking brutal weekend

M

\m/

Hello darkness, my old friend

Thank fuck October's nearly here. I love summer, I really do - drinking in the sunshine, barbeques, walking around in just your underwear - but due to the wealth of festivals, summer is a fucking terrible gig season. Much as I'd love to be at everything from Bloodstock to Wacken, my financially spasticated self has to select one, and only one, event to attend.

But lo, the long days have fucked off and the darkness prevails. And in a couple of weeks, it all kicks off with Throwdown and Chimaira, which will provide my mate Si-KO and I with a much needed outlet for controlled vio-lence. And then the flood gates open to a whole host of awesome nights out.

Exciting times.

Anyway, my clearly superior but bankrupting social calendar aside, good things are happening in the world of metal. I've got my hands on a copy of the new Austrian Death Machine album, Double Brutal, which no doubt the Red Wizard and I will be quoting and pissing ourselves about in the imminent future. I'd also like to formally recommend Hail Of Bullets to any of you lovely fuckers who dwell on the borders of metal and hardcore. Their latest outing, Warsaw Rising, is some pretty intense listening.

In addition, for lovers of the harder side of life, Molotov Solution's The Harbinger has vocals somewhere in between everyone's favourite animal-loving veggie Barney Greenway and German eye-linered anger merchant Andreas Dorner from Caliban. The album can be streamed free, link is on my "Cool Shit" list. Listening to this on my walk to work made me want to start a fight with a bus so be ready for a fucking war.

On to the old school. In rather predictable news, KISS are shortlisted for induction into the Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame...I assumed they'd already be there but I guess I'm thick as a fat bird's heel skin. The shortlist also includes the Red Hot Chili Peppers - I know Hot Chick's gonna shit fire when I say this but "what the fuck???". Good band, don't get me wrong, but on a par with KISS? Un-feckin-likely.

AC/DC fans be aware - their launching a new site (link in the usual spot) for some kind of announcement on September 29th. Any guesses? I'm fucked if I know. Maybe Brian Johnson's getting a hip replaced.

Oh, and for those of you who didn't know, my first column has gone live on MetalasFuck, so go and read it or so help me God I'll have you gang banged by Rammstein. I'm also moonlighting on BornInBlood.com, so there's also a link to my review of Fleshkraft's debut album First Harvest.

I must dash; have to GET TO THE CHOPPER! (get it?)

M
\m/

A good time for the 80s

There's no doubt about it; the 80s are coming back. "What makes you say that, O writer of musical waffling?" you may ask. Well, for all you fans of the way of the Hair:

W.A.S.P's new album is out in October. Babylon is apparently a concept effort based on the biblical tale of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse...should be a bit of a giggle. Add to this the forthcoming tours from Europe (Camden, November 1st) and RATT (December 1st, Islington) and I'm concerned that I may not be able to move around London without becoming ensnared in a web of backcombed hair.

On a more contemporary note, leave your diaries clear in mid-February 2010. On 13th, the currently unbeatable Lamb of God will be brutalising Brixton with support from over-rated younglings Job For a Cowboy. A mere five days later on Feb 18th, the mighty Machine Head are joined by hardcore legends Hatebreed plus Bleeding Through and All Shall Perish for what's bound to be a shitfight of epic proportions at Brixton. I've got my tickets for both. Ha ha.

I'm into the new Black Dahlia Murder album Deflorate at the mo. It's heavier than I'd normally go for day to day listening but I can't help but appreciate the uncompromising savagery. The album's out on September 15th and I would strongly recommend buying it, or stealing it, depending on how close to pikey scum you are. Necropolis is the fave for airplay but Christ Deformed and Death Panorama both gave me the sensation of having my head caved in by a stampede of epileptics. Trevor Strnad continues to impress with a violent yet controlled vocal and drummer Shannon Lucas is so good I could easily maintain a partial erection during most songs.

Also, whilst I've got your attention, listen to Hellpreacher, the new album from Birds of Prey. This mob has got members of Alabama Thunderpussy and Municipal Waste in their ranks and this album is an absolute beauty. I reviewed this, along with an absolute abortion of a shitfuck from Dysrythmia for MetalasFuck, so click on the link and have a read of the full breakdown. Or I swear to God I will beat you down like a crippled granny. Sorry, still listening to Black Dahlia Murder...

Laters.

A thousand apologies

I'm back; dry your tears. Apologies for my lack of updates of late but I've had a few bits to do for the guys at MetalasFuck.net which has meant my writing time has been limited.

"But MADman, no-one cares!" I hear you cry. Well that's just fucking charming.

So recently, there's been a fair bit happening on my musical radar. Firstly, the frankly embarrassingly, um, embarrassing banning of Behemoth's "Ov Fire And Void" video from YouTube. For those of you who haven't seen it, go have a look. It's intense, there are some boobies but there's nothing hugely extraordinary there. It's an inflammatory subject matter but fucking hell kids, this is death metal. I've stuck a link to the video (plus my rant against censorship below the vid) in my Cool Shit list.

I've also had the pleasure of reviewing the new Outloud album, plus the "experience" of the new Vader album. Outloud are so fantastically 80s hair metal you can't help but love them. Vader are a bit shit. There you go; now you don't have to read the reviews.

So back on planet Metal Harmony, I'm a bit of a sad chappy. After getting accreditation for Bloodstock 2009, I've had to relinquish my pass due to sheer butt-fuckingly frustrating logistics. I'm there for next year's 10-year anniversary though so, uh, stay tuned for a year...

It's all a bit quiet on the gig front though. I'm hoping to get to Steel Panther, plus have DevilDriver and Throwdown in the space of one week booked up for October. I cannot talk about this further as I may reach climax and to be honest, now is not the time. But for those of you who value my opinion (of whom there must be at least two of you) dates for the diary are:

December 16th - Sylosis, Relentless Garage, Camden

January 30th (2010, idiots) - Hardcore Superstar, Relentless Garage, Camden

Both of these will be the nuts so I would recommend going unless you are an absolutely massive cunt.

That's me done for now as I need a shit.

Rain, brutality and art

I'm on the train, it's summer, it's pissing with rain, and my super special mega fan fuck off gnarly edition of DevilDriver's 'Pray for Villains' still hasn't turned up, despite the fucking thing being released over two weeks ago. I can only assume the American distributors are sending it to me by retarded bicycle courier.

So in theory, I should be in a bit of a shitty mood. Am I fuck. "But why ever not?" I hear none of you ask, let alone care. You see, the kind people at MetalAsFuck are currently seeking accreditation for the forthcoming Bloodstock festival, which would mean a press pass for this MADman, enabling me to chuck the ol' horns up to the likes of Amon Amarth, Carcass, Arch Enemy, Cradle Of Filth and...wait for it...Europe (fuck yeah!). So, fingers crossed. Are they crossed? Then I'll continue.

Also just around the corner, straight on for 200 yards and second turning on the left is London's Metalfest 3; a celebration of all things horrible taking place in Camden on August 8th. Headlined by Download-impressers Sylosis this 8-hour orgy of all that is savage looks pretty shit hot.

On a slightly less brutal note, and bringing a bit of culture to Metal Harmony, I command you lot to check out the art of Simon Mitchell. I've known this punk reprobate for about a decade and his love of the traditionally mohawked way has lead him to work on posters and album art for a number of bands, including Fat Wreck favourite The Dickies. If you're a fan of cartoons and being fucked up, check out the link in my list.

I've also just reviewed the new album by Cain's Offering for MetalAsFuck so have a read of that too.

More band shit and inexplicable waffling to come soon folks...

I am Metal As Fuck

But I am! Okay, so I might like HIM but fuck you.

Yes, I've been drinking. But hey, it happens.

Seemingly this MADman has something of value to add to the metallic world of metal metalness. Over the coming months, I'm gonna be contributing to MetalAsFuck.net, an Australian site dedicated to the most brutal of metal. So, this is a short post but if you there's any of you who want to get some airtime, shout at your MADman - let's show the antipodeans that we do it harder, faster and more often than anyone else in the world.

My first review is of the album Winter Hours by upcoming doom metallers Tombs - there's a link, as usual, in my "Cool Shit" list.

Keep in touch beautiful fuckers.

MADman