SoCal bound

I must apologise for my previous post which seemingly cursed both Cancer Bats and Europe's Download 2012 performances. Still, at least the Bats got a slot; the poor Europe camp fell victim to the laughable British weather and failed to get to the site in time to play their set. I would have been devastated. On the subject of Europe the latest album, Bag of Bones, landed at Metal Harmony HQ this week so I'm looking forward to dusting off the air guitar for that one.

Alongside Europe, this week has been all about Dr Acula. This band has, without any exception, the shittest name in music. I refuse to budge on this. Even the days of Half Man Half Biscuit and Prefab Sprout can't touch Dr Acula. It's just fucking terrible. However, despite my desire to hate this sextet the new album, Nation, is good fun. Its not particularly intelligent but there's something particularly compelling about its thunderously heavy guitar and massive breakdowns. Not one for the trve kvlt metal contingent, but then I ain't one of them. Full review on MetalasFuck.net shortly.

This coming weekend Metal Harmony will be jetting off to San Diego for a few days - sadly for day job purposes and not to bronze my rippling abs on the beach (by 'rippling abs' I obviously mean wobbling beer gut) - but nevertheless, being an area of the world that was integral in the whole pop/skate punk movement i'm hoping to sip a beer or two at a reasonable gnarly venue at some point. After all, that dead chap and his chubby friend did famously say that California, knows how to party.

If Californ-I-A fails to yield any good beer-related moments, the day after I return While She Sleeps, Feed The Rhino and Hang the Bastard are playing in my home town. Despite the fact that jetlag may be forcing my aging carcass to desire sleep, I shall be smashing beers and faces to their delightful collective hardcore stylings. Hang the Bastard have always been on point and on the back of a successful Download performance, plus being cited as one of the UK's most exciting live outfits, While She Sleeps will inevitably bring the fury to The Forum in Tunbridge Wells.

I should take this opportunity to congratulate The Forum for recently topping an NME poll for UK's  Best Small Venue. In the last couple of years they've hosted Malefice, Sick of it All, Terror, Trigger TheBloodshed, Bleed Fom Within, Cancer Bats and Trash Talk to name but a few. Not bad for a 250-capacity converted public toilet.

Right, I'm off for a sunbed and some Botox.
M
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The end of the year as we know it...

It's the Top 10 you've all been waiting for...

More of this type of silliness in 2012.

Merry Christmas,

M
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You need this stuff

2011 has been full of marvellous albums and everyone loves a list. Hence today's 5 Albums From 2011 Wot You Must Own Or You're Some Sort Of Arsehole list was born.

1. The Bunny The Bear - If You Don't Have Anything Nice To Say...

Mental. Amon Amarth had a child with Savage Garden, raised if for five years, then went onto The Maury Show only to find out that Combichrist or Between The Buried And Me might be the baby-daddy. That's what this album is.

2. Malefice - Awaken The Tides
The latest album from the increasingly excellent British metallers is absolute class. They've taken their sound to a new level with more blasting, harder vocals, and cat's arsehole-tight musicianship throughout. A must have.

3. Agnostic Front - My Life My Way
Hardcore lives. Consistently intense, plenty of singalongs and hundreds of opportunities to rip off your shirt and get stuck the fuck in. So to speak.

4. Joe Bonamassa - Dust Bowl
Smoother than a freshly-sanded pint of Guinness and cooler that a Penguin's ballbag, Bonamassa's solo work is about as good a summer album as you could ever listen to. Pretty much perfect rock and roll blues, it's better than whatever you're currently listening to.

5. Evile - Five Serpent's Teeth
You want thrash? I said do you want THRASH?! Then buy this. Then grow your hair, buy some denim, and play air guitar like you mean it. Evile's return was highly anticipated and rightly so.

If you haven't bought any music this year, start with this lot. If you like metal, that is. And to be honest, if you haven't bought any music this year why are you reading a music blog? What's wrong with you?

With the promise of more musical excellence on the horizon, this is an exciting 12-month period. Either that or everything good has already come out and I've just fucked up my end of year Top Ten.

God speed

M

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My home town wins

Apologies for the lack of Metal Harmony last week but due to some massive hill hammering shit-filled smoke into the sky, me and Hot Chick got stuck in Italy.

I say 'stuck' but to be honest, six nights free accommodation including breakfast and dinner ain't exactly a struggle.

One of the thing I noticed about Italy though was the distinct lack of obvious metal/metallers. I wasn't expecting to see everyone walking around in Lacuna Coil t-shirts but still, with most towns and cities there'll be at least one small group of scumbags resplendent in metal colours. Instead, I counted two Misfits, one Exploited, one Immortal and one Dream Theater t-shirt in eight days. Extraordinary.

Sick Of It All were fucking devastating when I saw them a couple of weeks back, thanks for asking. Me, Si-KO and Danny Hurt Process filed in as the place was rammed with every type of punk and reprobate for a 100-mile radius. Despite the pit having a fair few gaps, stage diving was a necessity (although the bloke who Superman'd in from the stage, missed and landed on his neck may have wanted to reconsider). Songs like Built To Last, Step Down and the unbeatable Scratch The Surface blew me away. And best of all, they looked like they were having a fucking riot. Lou Koller's constant smile helped to create a truly epic atmosphere for these hardcore legends. The bruises and various amounts of blood spatter were well and truly worth it. Good work boys, good work.

It was great to see our little local venue finally delivering the crowd we knew it could. Hopefully this means we'll continue to get some big names down there. With Madball, Malefice and SOIA in the last few months, plus regular performances from the UK Subs and a late-May slot filled by Trigger The Bloodshed, it looks like happy days ahead.

Until next time you beautiful freaks

M

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Local mental

I had a pang of pride this week as I witnessed some local talent destroying the stage as support for Malefice. Local boys Gokken opened proceedings and whilst the singer's voice was nothing extraordinary, they were musically tight and a decent start to proceedings. Incidentally, 'gokken' is the Japanese word for 'gulp' and is essentially porn in which women (or men) drink large quantities of semen. Found that out through Google. At work.

Gokken were followed by Avarice Rising. This local six-piece have two lead singers which although not particularly rare, one of these guys really blew me away. Chris stands about 5ft 6inches with terrible salon hair, a plaid shirt and white flesh tunnels. This mellow-voiced fellow opened his mouth the unleash one of the most brutal live vocals I've heard. From horrific screams to full on death grunts, the guy was amazing. Once off stage, I asked him where the fuck the voice came from, to which he just cocked his head to one side, smiled sweetly and said "I've just got demons inside me", before walking off. An intriguing dude.

Final band Reasonable Doubt brought a nice slab of metallic hardcore to the table, particularly drummer James who was a complete animal. Fantastic double kick work and impressive blastbeats, all in all tight as fuck.

I was lucky enough to catch up with Dale Butler from Malefice before the Reading boys the stage. He was milling around, manning the merch stand and watching the support bands intently so we grabbed a few minutes to chat. The full interview and review will be on MetalasFuck in the next few days but the general gist was that Malefice take what they do incredibly seriously and when they take the stage, this is pretty bloody obvious.

In other nooz, Iron Maiden have confirmed their North American tour with Dream Theatre which quite simply has to come to the UK or I shall start crying and go on a rampage. I've never been an enormous Dream Theatre fan but having seen them at Download (either last year or 2008, can't remember to be honest) I can fully appreciate their progressive musings. I hear Maiden are good live too...

A major criticism I have this week is of BBC 6Music. Last week I was singing it's praises and encouraging it's survival; this sentiment remains but I also think it's important that they get a little slap. They compiled a survey to decide on the thirty best guitarists of the last thirty years. I know this kind of survey is always contentious and people will always bitch, but if your going to include Kirk Hammett, how in the name of my low-hanging left bollock can you omit Dave Mustaine? That's like Jerry Springer being ahead of Oprah Winfrey in a 'Best Rich Chubby Black Female American Talk Show Host' competition. And I must have missed something for Jack White to be there so if anyone could explain I would genuinely appreciate it.

Plus, no Yngwie Malmsteen? Have a word!

Time to go. Check out the three local bands in my Cool Shit list, you won't be disappointed. Well, you might but that really is no concern of mine.

M
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Wormgrind?

After the abomination that was February's gig attendance, I'm hoping March is going to be less of a catastrophic failure. This month I'm lucky enough to have British metallers Malefice playing about a ten minute walk from my house, which is going to be pretty fucking special (providing the home town can deliver a better turnout than we did with Madball). These guys made it into my top ten of 2009 with their second album Dawn Of Reprisal and I've only seen them live once in the past, so one is particularly excited, innit.

Then it's the perpetually hated Trivium, with support coming from the excellent Chimaira and Whitechapel. So all in all, good things are on the horizon. Best not jinx it though...

The mighty Maiden have confirmed that their new album, without doubt the most anticipated release of 2010, will be called The Final Frontier. I can already foresee me, Shithouse and Bandy camping outside the local HMV on release day (which is as yet TBC) as I'm nowhere near an important enough music hack to get a preview copy. Although if anyone from their management is reading this, I will do anything to get my hands on it. Anything (cue horrendous and scarring image of me being sexy and seductive).

One of the most frustrating things about the last week is BBC director general Mark Thompson's proposed closure of BBC 6Music. For those of you who don't know, 6Music is a DAB radio station in the UK that delivers a genuine mix of music on a daily basis. They may not have a plethora of metal on their playlists but you can expect a healthy chunk of G'n'R, Maiden, Metallica, and the like. Plus, I got a massive rouge throbber this week when DJ Steve Lamacq span the Leatherface classic Do The Right Thing. That man deserves a fucking OBE as I didn't think anyone after the legendary John Peel would ever adorn the airwaves with the wonders of Sunderland's finest punk legends. So do me a favour; sign this petition as it may be the only way to prevent me having to listen to Lady Gaga and Girls Aloud all day in the office.

Album of the week for me has to be Wormrot's latest beauty Abuse. 23 songs,including eloquently titled So Fierce For Fuck!?, Shitlack and Fuck...I'm Drunk, this quality album is over and done with in about 20 minutes. I can honestly say that Wormrot are my favourite grindcore band from Singapore, without a doubt.

(Must digress briefly as I've got my non-Apple MP3 on shuffle at the mo and NOFX Don't Call Me White has just come one. What. A. Fucking. Tune.)

My festival update:

Sonisphere - Skunk Anansie, Funeral For A Friend, Apocalyptica, Fighstar, Apocalyptica, Gallows

Download - no announcement

Download wins, purely as I have never been less interested by announcement than Sonisphere's this week. A few good bands there but hardly enough to make you need a bit of locked-door private time.

And on that note, I bid you adieu. Oh, and check out the latest installment of my column on MetalasFuck; I know you've nothing better to do.

Have a fucking brutal weekend

M

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A time for reflection

What a year it's been, eh? The metal festivals were epic, the gigs were astonishing, and the nutters at MetalasFuck, BorninBlood and Rock Radio decided to publish the bollocks that I write. I joined Twitter, drank alcohol to the point of vomiting several times, got punched in the face twice and slept on a bench once. I had the worst year in history at work but aside from that, 2009 has been alright to be honest.

But what kind of blog would this be if I didn't do a "Top stuff of 2009" list? All bored of reading them yet? Unlucky.

So here's my top ten for this year, and a brief explanation why as I'm sure you can't be fucked to read pages and pages of justifications:

10. Malefice - Dawn of Reprisal
The second album keeps up the momentum of their debut. Malefice proved to the metal world that the UK does it fucking hard and fucking heavy

9. Suicidal Angels - Sanctify The Darkness
Greek thrashers take organised religion and slap the shit out of it. Hardly ground breaking but hugely compelling and full of brutal honesty

8. Milking the Goatmachine - Back From The Goats
The most ridiculous thing I heard all year, this album takes grind to a new level of stupidity. It's great fun and painfully harsh on the ears. Perfect for making sweet love to your lady down by the fire...

7. The Black Dahlia Murder - Deflorate
Highly anticipated and rightly so, Trevor Strnad and the boys pulled an absolute blinder with this. Heavier than a constipated bi-polar elephant and the only music to listen to if you're off out for a scrap

6. Amon Amarth - The Crusher Reissue
The music may not be as polished as with later albums but this reissue gives newcomers to the Amon Amarth brand a chance to hear where it all started. Plus, the live CD of the entire album is a-fucking-stounding

5. Outloud - We'll Rock You To Hell And Back
Without doubt, the most fun album of 2009. 80's cock rock is done often and it ain't always done right but Outloud absolutely nailed it. Just the right amount of cheese makes this a worthy addition to the ol' collection

4. Trigger The Bloodshed - The Great Depression
New drummer, new vocalist, new boot up the arse of the critics. Based on The Great Depression, there is no doubt that TTB are spearheading the new wave of UK death metal. Expect a lot more from these boys in 2010

3. Austrian Death Machine - Double Brutal
Heavy as hell metal based on Arnie's films which is piss your pants funny from start to finish; it has a song called I Need You Clothes, Your Boots and Your Motorcycle, for Christ's sake. Buy it.

2. Lamb Of God - Wrath
LOG have been producing consistently exceptional music for years but Wrath raised the bar. With Randy Blythe's tonsil-rupturing vocals and some of the tightest musicianship in the metal world, this album ripped my balls off and shoved them down my throat. Absolutely fucking excellent.

1. DevilDriver - Pray For Villains
This won't be a surprise for those of you who know me. It was a tough call between Pray For Villains and Wrath but I had to go with the 'Driver. The Last Kind Words, the predecessor to Pray For Villains, is one of my albums of the decade and as such, was a tough act to follow. But Dez Fafara et al combined personal struggles, insane drumming, pounding grooves and catchy as fuck choruses to produce a savagely good piece of work. They got a lot more fans on the back of this album and after a killer performance at Download 2009 and their own headline tour, DevilDriver is a deserving winner for me.

"But MADman, you crazy cock face, what the fuck happened to Rammstein and Megadeth? Are you some sort of cunt?" Yes, yes I am. However, I've not included these guys in my list as although both are excellent, this is my personal opinion. So please dry your eyes, but feel free to give me some shit if you feel it necessary.

I also got to talking to Sa-da-Ko this year, who remain my unsigned band of choice for 2009. Hopefully we'll get an album from these guys in 2010 and I've plenty of faith that it'll make a loud, unpleasant, face-melting noise within the UK metal scene.

So that's me. I hope you lot have enjoyed reading Metal Harmony this year - if you come back in 2010, I'd gratefully appreciate it. And tell your mates. And send me money. And gifts.

Have a fucking brutal Christmas and New Year. Eat, drink, and listen to heavy metal.

M
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He's his father's son

It's got to be hard following in the footsteps of a hugely successful metal parent. Fair enough, former fatty Jack Osbourne has done alright for himself and his barely-stomachable sister is rarely out of the tabloids but aside from them, there ain't millions to choose from.

With this in mind it was with a sense of trepidation that I listened to the new song The Slaughter from Incite. Fronted by the spawn of iconic vocalist Max Cavalera's own balls, Incite have the benefit and disadvantage of a phenomenal metal pedigree. Thankfully, Richie Cavalera manages to emulate his father effectively without being either a carbon copy or a spastic try-hard. This three-minute neckbreaker doesn't change the world musically or vocally but for a debut, it definitely confirms that Incite are one to watch.

After seeing Malefice support DevilDriver last week, I got my hands on their latest offering, Dawn of Reprisal, which is growing on me. Hatred Justified and As I Bleed sound somewhere between Lamb of God and Killswitch Engage - the melodic singing is definitely going to divide people. Not that metallers are opinionated...

In other news, Rammstein sold out Wembley, which is no mean feat. Can't fucking wait. On the subject of German obscurity, I've been tucking into some Teutonic punk in the shape of Kneipenterroristen. I have no idea what they're singing about, what the song titles are, but what I do know is they're a mix of Meteors-esque psychobilly and early Rancid and catchy as fuck. And a German punk version of Johnny Cash's Ring of Fire is always worth a listen. I'm pretty sure the album is all covers but can't find anything about this mob on the 'net so any info, holla at yo' MADman.

And whilst we're talking covers, AFI have decided, perhaps unwisely to cover David Bowie's Ziggy Stardust. The links in the list. In my humble opinion, it's pretty fucking feeble.

Off to see Juliette Lewis tonight - I bought tickets for Hot Chick as she's been dragged to a ton of brutality of late, so it's only right. I'm not filling my pants with excitement but I'm still keen to see what Ms. Lewis can come up with.

Laters masturbaters

M

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Another night in London

You may, or indeed may not, have noticed that of late, I've been updating Metal Harmony on a Friday. I think it's nice to give both of you readers something to look forward to so fear not; an end of week post will follow but I swear to Randy Blythe if I don't tell someone about Saturday's DevilDriver gig my testicles will implode.

A 17:00 (that's 5pm for the special needs kids) start is early as fuck for a metal show but not wanting to miss Malefice, me and Hot Chick arrived as the doors opened. Unfortunately, this coincided with tens of thousands of Arsenal fans leaving Highbury so the atmosphere was a touch tense. However, we got into the Relentless Garage (sounds like the worst club night in history) and straight to the bar for a welcome pint of Tuborg. Yes, it's shit lager but it tastes like Download so LET ME HAVE MY MEMORIES!

Hailing from the bleak wastelands of Berkshire, Malefice kicked off in front of a room that can't have been more than about 40% full, which was a shame as they were pretty fucking solid. Frontman Dale Butler's got a decent death/thrash style and they opened up the evening extremely well. They were by no means extraordinary and I was surprised to learn they've been around for six years but no matter; they still got some heads nodding.

After the roadies had finished clearing the stage for Trigger The Bloodshed, we realised the roadies were Trigger The Bloodshed. Dressed in matching sleeveless black numbers, this collective of young, fresh-faced laddies started by standing in a line with their backs to the crowd in a manner that suggested we were about to hear something more akin to the the Backstreet Boys than Cannibal Corpse. And then it kicked in and yes, they're pretty heavy but the fact that vocalist Jonny Burgan had no sound whatsoever made his wild facial contortions and demonic stares all look a bit laughable. But they shredded out a solid musical performance which got a rudimentary pit going. I bought Jonny a Jaeger after their set as he was sitting on their merch stand looking knackered, and he was a thoroughly nice chap.

And so cometh Suicide Silence. This mob are pretty popular at present and according to a mate of mine, would fucking own the show. The problem was, the sound still kept cocking up and despite the fact that Mitch Lucker sounds like somewhere between a cat giving birth and a gorilla raping a meat grinder when he sings, the atmosphere never quite reached the frenzy I was expecting. There were a few bods in their Suicide Silence t-shirts giving it plenty in the middle but I was still standing about 15 feet from the stage without my pint getting so much as nudged. I'll see them again before I pass judgement though, as No Time To Bleed was pretty fucking brutal.

By now I've had a few beers, said my cursory "hello" to Metal Hammer's Alexander Milas and have purchased my merch, so all is going well. Behemoth take to the stage after what has to be the lengthiest drum tech test I have ever seen - seriously, the dude just sat there and blasted on and off for about half an hour, whilst an atmospheric soundtrack of wind and general weather-type shit came over the PA. Once they'd taken to the stage though, it was worth the wait. They've been on the scene for about 20 years so the Polish mentalists know how to work a room of this size although vocalist Adam Darski's shout of "let me see your cunting horns!" did sound ridiculous. However, there's no denying that Darski's voice was the best so far and the synchronised windmills brought even more atmosphere to what was turning into a savagely evil set. Behemoth recently had their video to "Ov Fire and Void" banned by YouTube (it's still in my "Cool Shit" list though") but combine this with the sheer number of Behemoth shirts there on the night and a confirmed slot at Bloodstock's 10-year-anniversary festival next year and I can see a lot more from this mob in the coming months.

But enough of all this bollocks, onto the point of this post. One or two of you may know that I'm a bit of a DevilDriver fan. I had, however, promised Hot Chick that I'd refrain from the pit having fucked my back up royally during a Throwdown pit earlier in the week. So when Dez Fafara and the boys came out and opened with End of the Line, I dutifully handed Hot Chick my beer and went fucking ballistic. The pit went from a bit of a murmur to an absolute onslaught of fists, legs, teeth, knees, and I'm pretty sure I saw a couple of bollocks rolling across the floor. As a 14-stone skinhead, it was my duty to use the youngsters in the pit as a stepladder, enabling me to surf my way to the front for an awesome manly handshake with Dez - what a fucking moment. The pit didn't stop once as they ripped through numbers like Hold Back The Day, Pray for Villains and of course Clouds Over California. Another highlight from me was the fact that they played Nothing Wrong, the first song off of their eponymous debut album - considering they didn't hit the big time until the third album this was an awesome inclusion in the setlist.

The pace slowed for I've Been Sober but the intensity remained, and when Dez informed us that they were filming the video for Another Night In London that very night, and guaranteed it would never be played anywhere other than in London, the pit exploded like a Peter North facial. I managed to get my carcass up onto the crowd three times and when I came down on the second occasion, there were cameras rolling - I swear here and now, if I'm in that video, I'll cry like a gay watching Bambi.

Once the set had finished, I felt fulfilled. I felt that the whole of this year had been leading to this gig. Not only did a man with tattoos of 9mm handguns on his head compliment my tattoos, not only did I get a few beers in me, not only did I see five heavy-as-fuck bands for less than a score, not only did I crowd surf harder than I ever have before, and get kudos off of the lead singer of my favourite band for it, not only did I do a Jaeger with an upcoming death metal band...I could go on...

Needless to say that 2009 is dead now. Nothing can beat this. And 2010? Okay, Lamb of God, Hatebreed and Machine Head are all going to have a good crack at it but to top this gig is going to be a fucking chore.

I'll enjoy seeing bands try though.

I'm off to eat my dinner.

M
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Jesus hates hippies

Look at the facts:

Glastonbury festival - hippies everywhere, thunder and lightning every year

Download festival - nothing but glorious sunshine

Ergo, Jesus is a metaller.

So a couple of things to look forward to over the coming weeks. The new DevilDriver album, "Pray For Villains" comes out on July 13th, which is colon-cleansingly exciting for a uberfan such as this MADman. I of course pre-ordered my copy, which comes complete with autographed booklet ("whilst supplies last", apparently - they better fucking had do), four bonus tracks, behind-the-scenes DVD and alternate cover artwork. Shipped from the grand ol' US of A, this came to about 25 notes so not too shabby at all. Now I just have to sit and wait until it arrives, at which point I'll stick it on full volume in the office and form a brutal circle pit with my no doubt unwilling colleagues.

Whilst we're on the subject of DevilDriver (which happens a lot), how fuckin' chuffed am I that they're touring in October?? Again, straight in to purchase tickets for myself and Hot Chick. It's got a Filth Fest vibe about it - 5pm Saturday start, five bands on the line up. With support from Behemoth, Suicide Silence, Trigger the Bloodshed and Malefice I can see this being a frankly ridiculous affair and imagine I'll lose a couple of items of clothing and/or teeth.

Right, I need to focus my energies on annihilating this hangover so must leave you now...