Doing a lot of good work for charidy

I'm not a sporty person. I play darts to a local pub level, I know my way around the pool table table and am reasonably adept at table tennis. It really goes no further than that. I am, however, a man who enjoys a challenge and a man who likes doing things for charity, so it's with a sense of overwhelming trepidation that I'm going to be running the London Marathon in April 2014.

A few years back I ran 6 miles for Sport Relief, which was bloody horrible as it was just twelve 0.5 mile shuttle runs along the Brighton sea front. Boring, cold and exhausting. And as I was running with my brother in law, I couldn't listen to any music. The only noise accompaniment was my James Gandolfini laboured breathing and the sound of an ill-advised full English I'd had two hours before the event slopping around in my stomach. 

I've been out on a few runs over the last couple of weeks - I'm not in any shape to leave training until the new year - and have been listening to different musical styles to see if I can get exactly the right balance of beats to help me take on 26+ miles through Central London. Here's what's happened so far:

1. HIM 

Theory: One of my all-time favourite bands would inspire me whilst I was pounding the Tarmac.

Fact: About three songs into Greatest Lovesongs Vol. 666 I had no energy whatsoever and instead, wanted to sit naked in a darkened room with a bottle of red wine.

Iron Maiden

Theory: there's nothing more motivating than Maiden. Even if I'm asleep, as soon as I hear the opening bars of Aces High I feel the need to charge bayonet aloft at the nearest German.

Fact: Despite classics such as The Trooper and 2 Minutes being perfect for a bit of a hill climb, the long, undulating nature of Ancient Mariner and Phantom are better suited to holding a pint in the air than any kind of distance running.

Terror

Theory: Energy, and plenty of it.

Fact: Perfect for sprinting, but sustained pace is impossible. As soon as Lowest of the Low comes on my legs start firing away, then it stops and I realise my heart is about to explode.

Limp Bizkit

Theory: I love them, and Wes Borland's bouncy as fuck riffs would mean it's easy to get into a rhythm.

Fact: I get out of breath running and rapping at the same time. I can't help myself.

Miscellaneous early 2000s trance

Theory: Monotonous beat constantly thumping in my ears will be a metronome for my feet.

Fact: Works bloody well. The music becomes a bit of background noise as opposed to something to listen to though, which means I do tend to focus on how much my legs hurt and/or the fact that I should have probably had a dump before going out for a run.

So it's still a work in progress. If I can get the balance right though, it'll be a piece of piss I'm sure. Next stop, something like Nicki Minaj as I'm sure this will make me try to run away from my ears.

The serious bit: I'm running for a charity called Child Bereavement UK, who do amazing work with families who have sadly lost their children, or children who have lost parents. If you can head over to my page and spare a couple of quid it would be spectacularly good of you and I would be eternally grateful.

Until next time,

M

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Terror in the home counties

There are a number of things I truly enjoy in this world; spending time with my family, a pint of hearty ale, and getting stuck in at a hardcore show. Therefore one was a little frustrated on Wednesday 31st of October, the night hardcore legend Terror came to my home town, to be afflicted with a bastard illness (technically a cold).

However, in true trooper style I wrapped up warm and headed down to the venue having pledged not to drink (which didn't go too well as I was three cans of continental lager down before getting through the doors).

The Forum in Tunbridge Wells has a habit of putting on incredibly strong hardcore line ups and this was no exception. I missed local stalwarts Pay No Respect but was there in time for Broken Teeth. Clearly these guys had fans in the crowd as the good old fashioned somersaults and flying kicks were aplenty. They were excellent, combining traditional rapid-fire hardcore with massive beatdowns and generally making a bloody big noise. Brutality Will Prevail followed and whilst no doubt a solid hardcore band, they didn't seem as exciting as Broken Teeth. Plus, by the time they came on, the crowd were fully charged and ready for Terror.

Having completely disguarded my no-beer rule and loaded up with Newcastle Brown, I wandered down to the front as Scott Vogel et al came on stage. From then on, it's all a bit of a blur. Terror did not stop. They fired through song after song, beckoned the crowd forward, got the circle pits started, encouraged excessive stage diving; there was one point in the evening that it seemed no one was actually on the floor at all, everyone seemed to be in the air.

Needless to say I lost my shit during Lowest of the Low and treated my ageing body with a complete lack of respect, resulting in serious bruising all over the place. One chap has his nose smashed in, which I wouldn't have been too happy with but seeing as my last Terror experience saw me with two black eyes and my wife crying as she thought I'd been beaten up, I got off pretty lightly this time round.

At the end of the show I managed to grab Mr. Vogel and thank him for a splendid evening, or words to that effect. We shook hands, he gave me a beer and told me they would be back.

I cannot bloody wait.

On a sad note, I can't ignore the tragic news that Mitch Lucker was killed in a motorcycle accident on November 1st. The 28-year old Suicide Silence frontman was a hugely talented vocalist, but he was also a father and a husband. It's impossible to know how his family must be feeling and my sincerest condolences go out to them.

M
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SoCal bound

I must apologise for my previous post which seemingly cursed both Cancer Bats and Europe's Download 2012 performances. Still, at least the Bats got a slot; the poor Europe camp fell victim to the laughable British weather and failed to get to the site in time to play their set. I would have been devastated. On the subject of Europe the latest album, Bag of Bones, landed at Metal Harmony HQ this week so I'm looking forward to dusting off the air guitar for that one.

Alongside Europe, this week has been all about Dr Acula. This band has, without any exception, the shittest name in music. I refuse to budge on this. Even the days of Half Man Half Biscuit and Prefab Sprout can't touch Dr Acula. It's just fucking terrible. However, despite my desire to hate this sextet the new album, Nation, is good fun. Its not particularly intelligent but there's something particularly compelling about its thunderously heavy guitar and massive breakdowns. Not one for the trve kvlt metal contingent, but then I ain't one of them. Full review on MetalasFuck.net shortly.

This coming weekend Metal Harmony will be jetting off to San Diego for a few days - sadly for day job purposes and not to bronze my rippling abs on the beach (by 'rippling abs' I obviously mean wobbling beer gut) - but nevertheless, being an area of the world that was integral in the whole pop/skate punk movement i'm hoping to sip a beer or two at a reasonable gnarly venue at some point. After all, that dead chap and his chubby friend did famously say that California, knows how to party.

If Californ-I-A fails to yield any good beer-related moments, the day after I return While She Sleeps, Feed The Rhino and Hang the Bastard are playing in my home town. Despite the fact that jetlag may be forcing my aging carcass to desire sleep, I shall be smashing beers and faces to their delightful collective hardcore stylings. Hang the Bastard have always been on point and on the back of a successful Download performance, plus being cited as one of the UK's most exciting live outfits, While She Sleeps will inevitably bring the fury to The Forum in Tunbridge Wells.

I should take this opportunity to congratulate The Forum for recently topping an NME poll for UK's  Best Small Venue. In the last couple of years they've hosted Malefice, Sick of it All, Terror, Trigger TheBloodshed, Bleed Fom Within, Cancer Bats and Trash Talk to name but a few. Not bad for a 250-capacity converted public toilet.

Right, I'm off for a sunbed and some Botox.
M
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Set it off

I keep announcing my retirement from the pit at gigs but sure as there's a hole in my arse as soon as the next band comes to town, there I am at the front thrashing around like a total tit. Si-KO and I went to see Terror a couple of weekends back, supported by First Blood; I'd promised myself (and my other half) no pit action but alas, after First Blood warmed the crowd up with beauties such as Next Time I See You, You're Fucking Dead, I couldn't resist getting into the shit.

Terror frontman Scott Vogel is well known for his onstage banter and this gig was no exception. His constant encouragement kicked off a total fucking riot (including a bloke jumping off stage and hanging onto the aircon unit in the ceiling), which resulted in me taking a couple of windmills and a sizable foot to the face...try going into an office on a Monday morning, suited and booted, with eyes that look like Frank Bruno's bollocks. Not ideal but by the beard of Kerry King it was worth it. This gig was the definition of hardcore, pure and simple.

I bumped fists with the chaps from Pay No Respect at the Terror gig and the next weekend, there they were onstage supporting Lower Than Atlantis and Your Demise. There's something epic about seeing true legends of the genre and the new breed of hardcore in a single week. Pay No Respect are authentic and well deserving of the recollection they're starting to get outside the South East of England. Go to their MySpace when you've finished here or they'll stamp on your face.

LTA frontman Mike Duce, with his daft public school hair and padded Barbour jacket, looked completely out of place but when they got on stage all was forgiven. I'd heard nothing but good things about their live prowess and every bit of it is justified. They sounded like a speeded up, more pissed off version of 90s British alt-punks China Drum, and as me and Keef The Yeti stood at the bar pounding bottles of Newcastle Brown like we were about to enter a period of prohibition, LTA tore the venue a new one. Our ability to get served so quickly was primarily due to the fact that we we're clearly the oldest two people there, perhaps with exception of the chap in the Bruce Springsteen denim jacket.

Your Demise kept up the momentum but despite vocalist Ed McRae trying to fire the crowd up, the pit was never more than a bit of a swell. I was comparing it to Terror's crowd the previous week though, which is a bit harsh on a bunch of pubescent teenagers. But nevertheless, the stage got invaded, a couple of lads took their first foray into stage diving, and the theft of McRae's microphone marked the end of a fucking top quality gig.

So after seeing First Blood, Terror, Pay No Respect, Lower Than Atlantis and Your Demise in the space of a week I got hold of the new Agnostic Front album, My Life My Way, (awesomely mixed by Freddy Cricien of Madball) which hits the shelves in March. And it is Fuck. King. Awesome.

All in all, it's been a good couple of weeks for hardcore.

Bonjour,
M
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I've got a gooolden ticket

Well, not technically golden. Perhaps that should be "I've got a load of fucking ace tickets".

First and foremost, my main man Shithouse managed to procure us tickets to the forthcoming Iron Maiden tour which is just about the best news I've had in months. As regular readers of Metal Harmony will know, when me, the 'House and a couple of other gents attended Iron Maiden's Twickenham show in 2008, it was without exception the greatest musical outing of my life ("Maiden Heaven", July '08). It may be over eight months away but I'm already pooing myself with excitement.

January 2011 is dedicated to hardcore. Me and Si-KO are off to see Terror on January 22nd, and the following week Your Demise and Lower Than Atlantis are smashing the shit out of my home town, with tickets costing less than two pints of Guinness. Chances of MADman developing pit-related spinal injuries = 90%+.

So with these absolute blinders on the way, I was wondering what else 2011 could offer up to moisten my undergarments? An lo, a Children of Bodom and Amon Amarth double-header in April came along, with support from Ensiferum. Being as COB are releasing their new album Relentless Reckless Forever in March I cannot fucking wait for this show.

Cradle of Filth are also heading into the studio next week to record Midnight in the Labyrinth, an album of orchestral/acoustic/strings versions of their music. I like the sound of this but being as Dani Filth now insists on being referred to as Lord Filth, there's a chance it might be little more than pretentious wankfumblings.

So with all this awesomeness on the horizon, I leave you with news that next week will see the much anticipated unveiling of my Top Ten 2010. Well, that's the theory. I have a tendency to be drunk a lot at this time of year so you might just get a paragraph of pointless waffle instead.

Bye bye
M
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