A time for reflection

What a year it's been, eh? The metal festivals were epic, the gigs were astonishing, and the nutters at MetalasFuck, BorninBlood and Rock Radio decided to publish the bollocks that I write. I joined Twitter, drank alcohol to the point of vomiting several times, got punched in the face twice and slept on a bench once. I had the worst year in history at work but aside from that, 2009 has been alright to be honest.

But what kind of blog would this be if I didn't do a "Top stuff of 2009" list? All bored of reading them yet? Unlucky.

So here's my top ten for this year, and a brief explanation why as I'm sure you can't be fucked to read pages and pages of justifications:

10. Malefice - Dawn of Reprisal
The second album keeps up the momentum of their debut. Malefice proved to the metal world that the UK does it fucking hard and fucking heavy

9. Suicidal Angels - Sanctify The Darkness
Greek thrashers take organised religion and slap the shit out of it. Hardly ground breaking but hugely compelling and full of brutal honesty

8. Milking the Goatmachine - Back From The Goats
The most ridiculous thing I heard all year, this album takes grind to a new level of stupidity. It's great fun and painfully harsh on the ears. Perfect for making sweet love to your lady down by the fire...

7. The Black Dahlia Murder - Deflorate
Highly anticipated and rightly so, Trevor Strnad and the boys pulled an absolute blinder with this. Heavier than a constipated bi-polar elephant and the only music to listen to if you're off out for a scrap

6. Amon Amarth - The Crusher Reissue
The music may not be as polished as with later albums but this reissue gives newcomers to the Amon Amarth brand a chance to hear where it all started. Plus, the live CD of the entire album is a-fucking-stounding

5. Outloud - We'll Rock You To Hell And Back
Without doubt, the most fun album of 2009. 80's cock rock is done often and it ain't always done right but Outloud absolutely nailed it. Just the right amount of cheese makes this a worthy addition to the ol' collection

4. Trigger The Bloodshed - The Great Depression
New drummer, new vocalist, new boot up the arse of the critics. Based on The Great Depression, there is no doubt that TTB are spearheading the new wave of UK death metal. Expect a lot more from these boys in 2010

3. Austrian Death Machine - Double Brutal
Heavy as hell metal based on Arnie's films which is piss your pants funny from start to finish; it has a song called I Need You Clothes, Your Boots and Your Motorcycle, for Christ's sake. Buy it.

2. Lamb Of God - Wrath
LOG have been producing consistently exceptional music for years but Wrath raised the bar. With Randy Blythe's tonsil-rupturing vocals and some of the tightest musicianship in the metal world, this album ripped my balls off and shoved them down my throat. Absolutely fucking excellent.

1. DevilDriver - Pray For Villains
This won't be a surprise for those of you who know me. It was a tough call between Pray For Villains and Wrath but I had to go with the 'Driver. The Last Kind Words, the predecessor to Pray For Villains, is one of my albums of the decade and as such, was a tough act to follow. But Dez Fafara et al combined personal struggles, insane drumming, pounding grooves and catchy as fuck choruses to produce a savagely good piece of work. They got a lot more fans on the back of this album and after a killer performance at Download 2009 and their own headline tour, DevilDriver is a deserving winner for me.

"But MADman, you crazy cock face, what the fuck happened to Rammstein and Megadeth? Are you some sort of cunt?" Yes, yes I am. However, I've not included these guys in my list as although both are excellent, this is my personal opinion. So please dry your eyes, but feel free to give me some shit if you feel it necessary.

I also got to talking to Sa-da-Ko this year, who remain my unsigned band of choice for 2009. Hopefully we'll get an album from these guys in 2010 and I've plenty of faith that it'll make a loud, unpleasant, face-melting noise within the UK metal scene.

So that's me. I hope you lot have enjoyed reading Metal Harmony this year - if you come back in 2010, I'd gratefully appreciate it. And tell your mates. And send me money. And gifts.

Have a fucking brutal Christmas and New Year. Eat, drink, and listen to heavy metal.

M
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Brutality and goats

Metal is a funny old thing. To the general public, 'metal' is quite simply 'heavy metal'. Only those in the know or sad losers like me have even an inkling of sludge, grind, death, groove, thrash, black, goregrind, mathcore, pornogrind, folk, and so on and so forth. But this week even I was taken aback by goatgrind. I mean, there are some fucked up genres of music in this world but listening to Milking The Goatmachine's Back From The Goats really took things to a new level. They're not wholly serious, as you would imagine but the music is savagely heavy and I can see them developing quite a following amongst the underground mentallists of the metal scene. I reviewed the album for MetalasFuck so go there if you want to find out more.

At the other end of the metallic spectrum I've been given the opportunity to interview culture-transcending troupe the Brutal Ballet Company. Instead of pink tutus and lace, this collective of lasses from Australia perform traditional ballet dressed in PVC with white contacts and corpse paint, and rather than Tchaikovsky they move to the dulcet tones of Dethklok, performed by a live tribute band. Nice. I can't say too much more at this stage but it got me thinking, what other traditional dance styles could take a metal turn? Could the little bells and bits of wood be replaced by animal bones and weighty clubs for Viking Metal Morris Dancing? Could the flowing dresses and tight leather trousers be replaced by lacy basques and spiked chaps for Norwegian Death Salsa? The opportunities are truly endless.

In other news I've been completely overawed by ChthoniC this week, particularly the immensely dark and uncompromisingly heavy 49 Theurgy Chains. The Taiwanese quintet play some of the darkest, heaviest black metal I've heard for fucking ages so any fans of the genre should click on the link in my list and check them out. They combine the nastiness of the Scandinavian sound with the use of traditional Taiwanese instruments, which produces shit hot results. I think the name is meant to be pronounced like 'sonic' but I have no fucking idea. All I know are there are yet another example of insane noisemakers from the Far Eastern part of this lowly planet. Girly trio Gallhammer produce some horrendous heaviness, and Dir En Grey take the insanity of Rammstein and versatility of Slipknot or Nine Inch Nails to produce absolutely epic works. And let's not forget Fat Wreck Chord's finest Hi-Standard - their cover of California Dreamin' is still one of my favourite covers of all time. If you haven't heard it, you have an enormous hole in your life.

Now to create more brutal subgenres of metal. Keep your eyes peeled for banjogrind...

M
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