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Friday, 30 September 2011

Being pissed off

I'm pissed off. My ultra super special fanboy edition of Metal Hammer with copy of Machine Head's Unto The Locust still hasn't turned up. I've tweeted, I've sent a strongly worded email - what more can a man do??

Which leads me on to today's blog about things piss me off about metal. And the world in general.

5. People who listen to metal
Well, people that only listen to metal. Great idea, listening to a single genre. Best ignore NWA, they didn't do anything for music. The Eagles? Load of hippy shit. In fact, anything that isn't played in drop D and covered in blood and dead Jesus is mainstream and bland. Wankers.

4. People who do impressions of metal
"I don't know how you can listen to all that 'RAA RAA RAA' music". Well, you be pleased to know I don't. In fact, I don't know anyone who does and more to the point I can't think of a single band or song that just goes 'RAA RAA RAA'. It's like saying "I don't know how you can listen to all that 'bitch bitch bitch' music" to a hip hop fan or 'I don't know how you can listen to all that 'sandals sandals sandals, music" to a Newton Faulkner fan. Fucking annoying.

3. Facebook
I'm all for bands promoting themselves but I'm not going to 'like' something just because you've asked me to. I shall listen, if I like it, then so be it. Also, The Bunny The Bear: I think If You Don't Have Anything Nice To Say... is a great album but if you post the video for Ocean Floor one more time I'm going to shit a badger. And Annotations Of An Autopsy - please, please, please stop. Just stop.

2. The definition of emo
What the fuck does 'emo' even mean anymore? I was always under the impression it stood for 'emotional hardcore' so had Alexisonfire in that category but then Panic At The Disco and My Chemical Romance came and they were seemingly the poster children of emo. Then I was at the Metal Hammer Golden Gods in 2007 and some bearded buffoon was stating how Killswitch Engage were emo, and now I'm being told Black Veil Brides are emo. As I understand now, you must have tight trousers and terrible hair to be emo. Which makes Poison and Whitesnake emo. For fuck's sake.

1. Festival headliners
Here's a shocking statement; sometimes, just sometimes, festivals are put together with bands other than just your favourites. Sometimes, bands that you don't like play the festivals that you go to. The best thing to do in this crazy situation is DON'T GO AND SEE THEM! Stop bitching and whining and go to a different stage, you swamp-dwelling anus chimp. Or better still, go on to every forum you can find and tell everyone how shit the line-up is, and how they should totally have booked real metal like Kvvtlretvtrkkaak from Norway or British up and comers Painful Foreskin Hemorrhage. You twat.

This has been marginally cathartic but I'm still in a bad mood. I'm off to punch Mick Hucknall.



Dad At Home said...

Painful Foreskin Hemorrhage definitely fall into the over-hyped category. Their first EP 'Nuts in a Blender' left me flaccid.

Kudos on the NWA track. Classic...

MADman said...

Probably my favourite NWA number. Reminds me of my own childhood....

jon mears said...

It really annoys me when 18 year olds dress like 70s punks(tartan trouser, sex pistols t shirts etc) and look down their noses at you! Surely this is the most un punk rock thing possible! Could they possibly be conforming anymore if they tried!! sub human scum! .................. That raa raa thing is pretty annoying too!

Simon said...

MISSED THIS ONE - I AGREE WHAT IS EMO NOW-A-DAYS? To me it was always the hardcore bands like Dag Nasty etc i was also happy with Descendents being tagged to the term......then it started getting silly.....Dashboard Conf, Get Up Kids, PATD and a million others (now i dont hate all the bands) but i think the term has become toooooo spread - Emo now means anyone who sings a song about a girl/guy is a emo band!!!! Bring back the hardcore!

Tzellofouska said...

Great post... Couldn't agree more.