The month of pure awesome

My second Monday blog post in as many weeks. This is due to a monumentally hungover MADman on Friday, resulting in an emergence from bed early afternoon and a margarita pizza for 'breakfast'. You get the idea.

What a week it was though. Download 2010 officially confirmed AC/DC as headliners, plus Megadeth, Bullet For My Valentine, Deftones, Motorhead - okay, so it's not going as mind-boggling as the initial Sonisphere shout but it's something for us to get our teeth into. I dutifully purchased tickets for me and Hot Chick; cannot fucking wait.

February kicks off today and I've been looking forward to it in a massive way for a few key reasons:

Feb 4th - Rammstein

Feb 13th - Lamb of God (with Job For A Cowboy, August Burns Red, Between The Buried And Me)

Feb 18th - Machine Head (with Hatebreed, Bleeding Through, Man Must Die)

Fair enough I'm going to be broke well before the end of the month but to be honest, it's going to be worth it. I've never seen Rammstein live but find myself eagerly anticipating the pyro-tastic Teutonic oiled man fest. Perhaps that says a little something about me.

For any seriously metal metallers tucking into a bit of Metal Harmony, I've been absolutely blown away by the second album from Scandinavian octet Eluveitie over the last couple of weeks. I can only really describe them as blackened folk death metal and would strongly recommend listening to Everything Remains (As It Never Was) for a truly exceptional audio experience, combining traditional instrumental folk songs with brutal blasting arse-clenchingly heavy guitar. I won't go into too much detail but the review'll be going up on MetalasFuck in a few days...

Canadian's Aeternam have also impressed me with their debut album Disciples Of The Unseen. There's a thrash vibe with black-as-hell undertones, with the occasional melodic vocal and interlude you'd expect to be playing in a Turkish bazaar. If you're planning a virginal sacrifice in your basement, this is a good choice of album to play in the background.

Whilst I have you attention, go to Annotation Of An Autopsy's MySpace (in the list) as they're streaming the new album II: The Reign Of Darkness in it's entirety. Listen to it. It will make you cry.

As a final point, thanks to Sea Of Treachery for covering Paramore's Misery Business. The original is a guilty pleasure of mine but this version is fucking insane. As always, link in the list. Fuck I'm good to you.

Tune in next time to find out if I get forcefully fisted by burly Germans in arseless chaps at Rammstein.

M

\m/

Death, darkness and hair metal

What can I say? It's been a while but alas ye old thundercunt known as my day job has been keeping me busy.

So what's new? A highlight for me was getting a message from my stadium gig brother in arms Shithouse asking me what DevilDriver album he should buy. I'm glad my constant praise is not going unnoticed. I might drop Dez and the boys a line as they clearly fucking owe me.

I also bumped into Metal Hammer editor Alexander Milas outside London's finest metal drinkery The Crobar. Unfortunately I was spannered and ended up dribbling utter bollocks at him for 10 minutes. However, we exchanged emails the next day and seemingly he doesn't think I'm as much of a fucking waffling imbecile as I actually am, so we're good.

Now back to the music. I've never been. A big Job For A Cowboy fan, not because of the typical loathing these guys have received from the "they're not Death, therefore they're shit" brigade, but simply because I don't like them. Don't get me wrong, Jon Rice on the drums is frankly superhuman but Jonny Davy's vocals sound hideously immature. I've seen JFAC live twice and both times I've not even registered a semi. Still, my mate The Red Wizard was all over their new outing Runiation so I gave it some ear time as he knows his shit. And I still can't get excited about them. Yes, it's heavy as fuck. Yes, there's sheer insanity with the musicianship but for me, it's like the fifth wank of the day; hard work and unrewarding.

On the other hand, Goatwhore's Carving Out The Eyes Of God is a fucking pounder of an album that makes you want to eat porcelain and rip open old people. It's 40 minutes of sheer, unbridled heaviness which ain't for the weak and feeble. Listen to this album and try not to punch yourself in the face. It's a struggle.

In complete contrast, I cannot get enough of Outloud's debut album We'll Rock You To Hell And Back. It's so fucking good it's untrue. It's like the bastard child of Europe, Whitesnake, Motley and DragonForce. I reviewed it a while back for MetalasFuck and it's been in my ears ever since. To all you 80s hair/power metal fans, fucking buy this now or you are quite frankly retarded.

Keeping things black and poorly recorded, I'm enjoying Croatian depressives Infernal Tenebra's 2001 debut Beneath The Twilight. This ridiculously atmospheric prog-black metal outing sounds like it's been recorded on someone's mobile phone in a garden shed but there's no denying the lack of sunshine in these boy's lives. This ain't for mass consumption but if you want something a bit off piste, it's a worthy listen.

I'm also lucky enough to have just got a copy of Amon Amarth's The Crushor reissue, which includes loads of live shit in addition to the 2000 album, plus the full Ninjaspy album, so much more of that to come. And a date for your diary fuckers - February 18th, 2010; Machine Head playing a one-off at Brixton. Get tickets as soon as you can because this is going to be more brutal than a bare knuckle cage fight between Kerry King and Dakota Fanning.

Right, time to suck today's dick.

Kill you all later.

\M/

Disgusting balls

Being a connoisseur of all things music (ha!) I tend to listen to my Creative on random select at all times."What, no iPod?" I hear you gently mutter in a barely interested way. Alas no. The Creative is not only a far superior tool for file conversion but it also has a built in radio, allowing for Ken Bruce's Popmaster on the move, plus a 'record' function, should you wish to record any tunage. Can you get that on an iPod? Can you bollocks. Which yet again, is an example of why I'm better than you.

Meanwhile, back at the den of iniquity, I was wandering along through Trafalgar Square and on came "Fire Engine" by Revolting Cocks. In case you're not aware of these chaps, imagine a psychobilly playing a synth whilst beating up a goth and you're there. This particular song makes you want to tree dance whilst performing an electric boogaloo, if you're that way inclined. I shall be investing in more of their work, stay tuned for further cock-based chat.

I also dipped into the Metal Blade 25th Anniversary sampler that Metal Hammer kindly provided some months back and found myself going straight for Cannibal Corpse's "Death Walking Terror". Since my last Corpse experience ("A fun night out for all the family", Tuesday Feb 24th), and I mean that in a purely non-necrophiliac sense, I've been increasingly intrigued. To be fair to this song though, it fucking sucks. Yes, George can growl like a bear with piles but in essence, the song is rapingly boring.

I also found myself confused by Job For A Cowboy's "Embedded". These guys have been criticised for being fake, not paying their dues, etc. but in my opinion, they're heavier than your mum coming to your first born's funeral and telling you that you were a mistaken adoption. But what do I know?

Oh well, off to work. Bye for now asscheeks.