Sad face

There's not much to be said this week. Tonight, probably my favourite band of all time will be playing to tens of thousands of people at the world's greatest music festival. And I won't bastarding be there.

Having seen 'that' headline set at Download 2009 and the totally bloody marvellous top-billing performance at Sonisphere 2011 I probably shouldn't be as grumpy as I am about missing Slipknot on the main stage at Donnington tonight. However, as their performances are nothing short of fucking perfection, one is quite literally devastated.

Still, at least the rest of the Download 2013 line up isn't as good. There's only Maiden, Rammstein, Stone Sour, Gaslight Anthem, Cancer Bats, Amon Amarth, Dir En Grey, Chthonic, Hang the Bastard.... Truth be told it's one of, if not the best line ups that over ever seen.

A number of my pals are already on site and as a result, I now hate them. Today I shall mostly be feeling sorry for myself and listening to Eyeless in a dark room.

Now fuck off.

M

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I am jealous

As previously whinged about, I sadly shan't be attending the mighty Download this year but alas, it is my duty as an opinionated wannabe music journalist to cast my tuppence into the ring. Obviously the headliners are all bleedin' marvellous but lets not forget the smorgasbord of quality outfits also sharing the woodwork. Ergo, these are the 5 bands that I reckon are going to destroy the stage this weekend.

Machine Head
Obvious, really. Stalwarts of Donnington Park and fresh off the back of an arena tour supporting the epic Unto the Locust, Machine Head will be looking to convince crowds and festival bosses alike that they are ready for the much-coveted main stage headline slot.

Skindred
I may not be the worlds biggest Skindred fan but Christ alive they can play a live show. Benji Webb refuses to age and has more energy than almost any other metal frontman. Come rain or shine, the Newport Helicopters will no doubt come out in force during Warning.

Cancer Bats
Developing a reputation as one of the most exciting live bands of the moment is no mean feat and there's no doubt in my mind that the Canadian hardcore mob will show that they deserve their main stage billing.

Europe
90% of the crowd will go to hear the Final Countdown and will walk away dumbfounded that such an astounding rock band is known for such a shit song. Rumoured to be dropping Countdown from their live sets, they'll definitely play it at Download but On Broken Wings, Rock the Night and Ready or Not will silence all detractors and set the place off.

Sebastian Bach
Last year's Kicking and Screaming was a surprising inclusion in the Metal Harmony Top 10 of the Year and showed that the former Skid Row frontman still has the chops to deliver proper heavy metal anthems. As he only has a 30-min set I hope he focuses on new material, although 18 and Life wouldn't go amiss.
I'd also like to see Emmure to establish if they are as abysmal live as they are on record.

It's good to see the Devildriver boys back on the main stage but I have mixed feelings about their late morning, 30-min set. Four places below Lamb of God is a bit harsh but sharing a stage with Megadeth, Soundgarden and Black Sabbath does make main stage Sunday a bit of premium metal real estate.

The weather looks fucking dreadful but to be honest, who cares? That's why god invented excessive drinking.

If you're going, or are already there, have a dirty great belter, you lucky bastards.

M
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MADman's final thought

For my final blog of this decade I thought I'd look back at a couple of my musical highlights of the year and muse in a thought-provoking fashion about what the future holds. That's the theory, anyway...

There are a few musical happenings that deserve a mention, so in no particular order:

Sick Of It All come to the Home Counties

My home town is a middle class hotbed of wax jackets and children called Hermione. Imagine my surprise when Sick Of It All announced a gig at our shitty little local venue back in April. Me and Si-KO, my oft-mentioned Straight Edge homie, had a fucking riot that night as the hardcore legends absolutely devastated the 250-capacity venue. A true lesson in how to set it off.

Trash Talk bring the noise

Cancer Bats came to town with Trash Talk in tow; Trash Talk proceeded to destroy everything in their path. From circle pits on broken bottles to foot-to-face interaction, this was one of the most insane gigs I've ever been to. Lee Spielman is an astounding frontman and manages to mix amicable banter with straight-forward abuse during every song. What an experience.

This is me and Spielman in a rare moment of calm:

Please note: Spielman is tall; I'm not some kind of midget with terrible posture.

AC/DC at Download for the absolute win

I mean, come on; if you were there you'll understand. One of the gig highlights of my life, not just 2010. Despite having a combined age of about 500, AC/DC's energy was something to behold and the crowd lapped it up. If ever I feel stressed, I simply close my eyes and regress to AC/DC playing For Those About To Rock, and all in the world is good.

2011 is going to be an odd year for me and Hot Chick as we're not planning on going to any festivals...although Sonisphere has pulled an absolute blinder out of the bag by securing the Big 4 to headline their Friday night. The flip side of this is Biffy Clyro headlining Saturday, which to me is a bit on the random side. Don't get me wrong; Biffy have had a couple of good tunes but when I've seen them at festivals, they're shit. And bearing in mind the headliners either side of them at Sonisphere (Big 4 on the Friday, Slipknot on the Sunday) I can't see this being an easy gig for them.

Download has the return of System Of A Down on Friday and Linkin Park on Saturday. SOAD I'd be interested to see, Linkin Park I couldn't care less about. The word is that Bon Jovi will be closing the show on Sunday but it's all TBC.

All this being said I've got Iron Maiden to look forward to in August 2011 so happy fucking days! On the subject of the mighty Irons, I recently became friends with the legendary Krusher Joule on a famous social networking platform. Krusher is the genius artist behind albums such as Ozzy's Bark At The Moon, Sabbath's ground-breaking Born Again and Maiden's Live After Death. I'm hoping to share a beer with him in the New Year at some point but as he's a complete nutter and is barred from most of the pubs in London, it may be a challenge...

I'm planning on some exciting shit for this blog in May, which will no doubt change the world of music journalism as we know it. Perhaps. But fear not; Metal Harmony will continue to deliver a few minutes of attempted comedy and basic musical waffling every Friday (or thereabouts) over the next 12-month.

Now run along, you crazy bastards; eat, drink and be merry during this festive time. May you all get hammered and vomit into a Santa hat.

Have a good one,

M

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Serious as cancer

Sometimes you have to accept you're living a lie. A few months back I declared my resignation from the pit primarily due to laughably long recovery times. However, last night I fell off the wagon in a big way as my town was absolutely destroyed by Vera Cruz, Trash Talk and Cancer Bats.

French mob Vera Cruz are a fairly nonthreatening cartel to look at, particularly diminutive frontman Flavien. They took the stage to a relatively full room and started a really quite splendid display of hardcore. The crowd was dead and fuelled by Newcastle Brown, I made the executive decision that a pit needed starting. I consider myself an ambassador for the local music scene and thought it imperative that our European friends got a decent response. So a couple of other lads got stuck in and before long we were getting a decent swell, and I felt a bit smug to be honest.

Vera Cruz left the stage, I pounded a beer and chatted to my fellow pit monkeys about the need for organised chaos at hardcore shows, then Trash Talk came on to Lagwagon's Stokin The Neighbours, which gratified me a great deal. Unlike Vera Cruz, these lads seemed a bit more likely to look you in the eye whilst pissing on your shoes. Bassist Spencer Pollard started vocal proceedings before front man Lee Spielman opened his mouth and, to coin an oft-used phrase, unleashed hell. They are pure, nasty hardcore, and the place went mental. Beers, spit, teeth, probably some piss, a couple of shoes, bodies, hair and expletives were being thrown all over the place. A personal highlight for me was my shout of "CIRCLE PIT!" that was greeted by "listen to the guy in the Morbid Angel top!" from the lead singer.

Spielman was a proper mental. He was in the pit, up on shoulders, kicked a heckler in the face and told a chap who insisted on being ultra cool and sitting on the stage drinking a beer that he was going to kill him (shortly after stealing his beer and downing it).

Despite an older gent warning us about the broken glass on the floor, which I think was my bottle of Brown, the pit was insane. By the end of Trash Talk's set I was cripplingly exhausted and went outside for a breather. Then a fellow patron who was talking to a bouncer points at me and says "he's fucking mental"; after an accolade like that I had no chance of staying still during Cancer Bats, did I?

One more quick pint and back in. My first time seeing the Canadians live and the rumours are true; they're sick. Liam Cormier said he recognised people from other gigs they've played in our town over the years which might have been fluff but fuck me, it worked. The entire floor was moving, people were flying all over the place, and by the time Cancer Bats played their excellent cover of the Beastie Boys classic Sabotage the air in the room had been replaced by a misty hue of sweat and Red Stripe.

It's the morning after and I really, really hurt. Banging my head on the stage during a particularly raucous moment wasn't ideal, I could have done without getting windmilled in the jaw and the Vans-shaped bruise on my back is a little on the sore side but what a fucking gig. Absolutely immense. Ten out of ten. Simple as that. However, I am definitely retired from the pit now.

Honest...

M
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In the belly of a Kentish town

Gallows? In my home town? Go on then. It's difficult to think of a band in recent years that made more of an impact than the Watford bruisers. When their debut Orchestra of Wolves was released, the music press hailed them as the new saviours of true British punk rock, and the train kept rolling with their follow up Grey Britain. Simple, stripped down, spitting punk from ugly tattooed blokes - it's a beautiful thing.

My local venue has been going on about their big announcement for some time now and I was half expecting it to be some shit, reformed Britpop band so getting the email about Gallows was most exciting. With them, Cancer Bats, Lower Than Atlantis and The Casino Brawl all coming to my manner before the end of this year, South East England is on it's way to a right good kicking. Me likey long time.

Can you all just take a moment to raise your horns for Behemoth frontman Adam 'Nergal' Darski, who is currently receiving medical treatment for serious illness. Get well soon, you bible ripping heathen - more information here.

And excitingly, Alter Bridge are back at the end of September with their third album, AB III and if it's anywhere near as good as Blackbird I will make a pants milkshake.

Since I've mentioned pants, I can't help thinking of 30 Seconds To Mars. The sub-standard emo arsedribble they've produced in the past is nothing compared to the thunderously fucking awful new song. I know I'm not exactly target market as despite what my laughable beardline suggets, I'm not a teenage girl, but I like to think I know music and Jared Leto's boys are fucking shite. That is all.

On the subject of my laughable beardline, I got ID'd in a supermarket yesterday buying £150-worth of beer and wine with my work colleagues. That wasn't embarrassing at all. I'm never again wearing an Atreyu t-shirt when I need to buy booze.

Have a good weekend chickens

M
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