Olympics baby

Today is the day that the whole world, excluding most of London, has been waiting for; the official start of the London Olympics. With the population of the capital set to swell to almost 20 million and the weather ranging from fucking hot to fucking hot and raining, it's going to be a truly uncomfortable experience for us machine-dwelling corporate cogs. However, imminent catastrophic collapse of the transport infrastructure aside, it should be a pretty good party for a couple of weeks and the commemorate this historic occasions, Metal Harmony will run through what has happened in the inaugural Metal Olympricks event. Nu Metal Penis Marathon Early favourite Fred Durst put in a strong peperformance in the opening stages but a surprise distraction when a spectator shouted 'oi, cunty hat' allowed Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope to overtake and settle into a comfortable lead. However, the final miles in this weather meant that their clown paint sweated off and as the rules of the games clearly state that competitors must finish in full regalia, a Juggalo pitstop allowed Shifty Shellshock to overtake and cross the line into the arms of some shorties. 400m Sprint Out Of Own Arse Lars Ulrich found himself in trouble before the race even started having tied his trainers far too tight, and they subsequently sounded ridiculous when hitting the asphalt. Dave Mustaine, originally in the 400m, was disgruntled to be in the 200m and explained to journalists how the 400m was better when he was in the qualifying round. Odds on favourite Axl Rose failed to arrive. 100m Confusingly Overrated Sprint Steel Panther failed a drugs test as they didn't realise that doping was not funny and really had no place whatsoever in the current games. Linkin Park also faced disqualification for failing to wear relevant shoes, shorts, t-shirts, and bore literally no resemblance to an entrant in the race at all. It was then left to Muse to steal the gold after an overblown entrance that led to a middle of the road plod over the finish line. Congratulations to everyone who took part. Time to avoid some tourists. M \m/

Sort it out

Let's cut straight to the chase; free Randy Blythe. There seems to be more than one issue with the alleged manslaughter case against him and all we know so far is that despite putting up $200,000 bail, he's still being held in a Czech prison. It seems he could be there for some weeks yet whilst he's waiting for this case to come to trial.

I genuinely feel for the friends and family of Daniel, the lad who died after the alleged altercation in 2010, but how in the name of all that is metal can it be proved, or even suggested, that a fan at a gig died of injuries sustained from a fracas with Blythe? If he rushed the stage and was pushed out into the crowd, the injuries could have come from anywhere. I'm not an expert on the law of the land but if anyone has ever been to a Lamb of God gig they'll know that not sustaining injuries is virtually impossible anyway.

The saddest point of this story is that musicians over the years have fucked up in a monumental way, from the chicken-slaughtering rampages of Ozzy Osbourne to the tragic and irresponsible death of Hanoi Rocks bassist Razzle thanks to Vince Neil's drunken driving, but this allegation against Randy Blythe is ridiculous. There's now no way it could ever be proved that he was directly responsible for the death of the lad, who let's not forget, was a Lamb of God fan after all. The videos emerging all over the net have been widely discredited as a different incident and short of jumping in the DeLorean and steaming back to Praha '10, I don't see how a verdict of guilty could be credible in any way.

Fans of heavy metal in Prague will feel the sting of this too. The whole metal fraternity is behind Blythe, with many including Slash and GWAR going so far as to sign a White House petition on the matter. The knock-on of this is that metal fans in Prague may find themselves a little short of gigs if this isn't sorted soon. Let's get this insane situation rectified not only for the sake of one of the most important metal bands of the last decade, but for bloody human rights in general.