Me having beef

I consider myself pretty open minded when it comes to respecting the musical opinions of others. I have even been known to change my own opinion based on balanced conversations with others, or in the case of Flobots, shit hot live performances.

However, there are certain things that I will pig-headedly refuse to accept or debate in any single way. They are the following, and are all based on direct quotes I've encountered over the years.

"Iron Maiden aren't the greatest heavy metal band of all time"

Yes they are. Of course they are. Saying they're not makes you an indescribable fool. There is quite simply no other band that has the global following of Maiden. There is no band that cares as much for their fans that they'll travel to the ends of the earth to melt faces of every colour and creed. A band that, despite the Bayley road bump, have been so consistent on record that it beggars belief. And most importantly, regardless of their combined age of 8,569, a band who are guaranteed to absolutely tear it up at every live show. They are better than Metallica, so there.

"Slipknot are just a bloody nu metal band"

Hush, you 12-fingered sister fucker. Slipknot are one of the best bands in the world and if you haven't seen or heard 'that' Download headline set then your opinion is completely invalid. There's no doubt that the debut album was a red hot piece of shrapnel from the nu metal explosion but there ain't a damn thing nu metal about Eeyore. And Iowa? Disasterpiece is nu metal is it? You are a buffoon and must immediately be castrated.

"Coal Chamber are a better band than Devildriver"

Not they're fucking not, you mug. Coal Chamber was a laughably bad nu metal ensemble resplendent in face paints, with what remains to this day some of the most poorly written songs in metal. Big Truck, for example. What the actual fuck is that meant to be about? Oh, a truck? A big one? Got it. Devildriver on the other hand have evolved into one of the most rock solid groovey thrashy metal bands in the world. Clouds Over California has the ability to tear a crowd to pieces and most recent albums Pray For Villains and Beast are absolute monsters from start to finish. If you think a shitty nu metal band is superior you are definitely not invited to my birthday party and can't have a go on my bike.

"Limp Bizkit are total shit"

Show me a man who hasn't sung along to Rollin' and I will show you a bastard liar. Chocolate Starfish... is one of my favourite albums of all time because it's so much fun. It's not imperative to constantly listen to serious, complicated musical soundscapes. Even someone who watches nothing but Fry & Laurie and Frasier will launch at a good old fashioned fart; Bizkit is this musical fart. Yes Fred Durst is portrayed as a bit of a bellend but I'd invite him to a barbecue at my parents' house over Dave Mustaine every day of the week.

So there you have it. Please feel free to agree with the above; any other feedback will not be tolerated.

M
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