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Friday, 10 May 2013

Why I hate girls

Obviously I don't hate girls; that would be ridiculous. I have no personal issue with the swathe of messy haired, piano-tinkling lasses who are currently populating the music world but I do have one major issue; stop covering metal songs. Just fucking stop it.

I've lost track of the amount of adverts that underpin the messaging with a soft, breathy version of a rock classic, and the biscuit was well and truly taken a week or so ago when While She Sleeps posted some unknown doing a piano cover of Seven Hills. The girl is clearly talented, no doubt about it, but that's one of my favourite songs from This Is The Six and the gang vocals should be shouted by a group of sweaty misfits, not whispered by a teenage blonde from Kennsington.

My emotive response to this current trend can be blamed on one thing: Jagged Little Pill. Alanis Morissette is single-handedly responsible for cock-blocking thousands, if not millions of teenagers in the 1990s. As I spent most of my teenage years in the arse end of East Anglia weekends were invariably spent at house parties and sleepovers, all of which presented a perfect opportunity for us chaps to drink Special Brew and attempt to indulge in carnal knowledge with our female peers. 

Sadly, every single party or social occasion would always be hampered by one enlightened girl placing Jagged Little Pill in the CD player and subsequently forming a circle with the rest of the girls to sing along to every single song. The crowning moment always came with the immortal line "and now you're thinking of me when you fuck her" in You Outta Know. At that moment, every single one of those girls hated every single one of us lads. Men were bastards, that was that.

So perhaps I don't actually hate the current piano-y movement. Perhaps I actually do hate female singers? And if that's the case, it's completely Alanis Morissette's fault.

That's fucking ironic for you.



Simon said...

dude i agree - i remember 100% when that happened :) it actually makes me cringe when i hear AM's voice (at the moment there is an advert that parodies her - and it makes a cold feeling come over me) Im proud to say ive never listened to the album by choice - house parties where always stalled with the AM and Tracy Chapman being played..........should have kept to the more upbeat stuff!!! Girls!

Dad At Home said...

Can't stand AM either. It's a strange kinda mentality, I've been in several pubs/clubs when 'Independent Women' by Destiny's Child has come on and all of a sudden the entire female contingent stop what they're doing and rise up as one to proclaim 'Fuck you, men'. It's pathetic and makes me want to barf. Can you think of a blokey equivalent of that type of song? i.e. all women are assholes. I can't. Can you imagine the outrage if somebody wrote one, bloody double standards...

In terms of the breathy piano cover song, for me it depends on the singer. Nerina Pallot's stripped down piano/vocals version of Joy Division's 'Love will tear us apart' is fucking amazing whereas Paloma Faith's cover of Inxs' 'Never tear us apart' makes me want to go outside and punch a kitten...