Trivium are better than you

A good friend of mine once told me that seeing Whitechapel live would make me shit. Last week I had the opportunity to find out for myself and whilst I didn't physically manufacture any hard farts, I could feel a definite wobbling of the colon.

With Trivium headlining and Chimaira in the second slot, Whitechapel had the unenviable task of opening. I got ready in the only way I know how; by standing at the bar and pounding beers with Killerleah (this was her first metal show at a proper venue but her second Trivium experience) before Hot Chick turned up. The barmaid felt the need to tell me I was the oldest person they'd seen there. Cheers.

Whitechapel came out and immediately went so fucking hard it was unbelievable. After one song the room had started to fill and there was a mental circle pit, stuff was flying all over the shop; it's the first time I've seen an opening band get this kind of response. Lead singer Phil Bozeman isn't the biggest bloke in the world but the noise he makes is bloody horrific. Chimaira had to play an absolute blinder to follow them. Thankfully they did, and the inevitable but epic sing-a-long during Resurrection caused me to sustain a pretty handsome rock-on.

Being a Trivium fan, I've always thought their live shows are shit hot but let's be honest; there's no fucking way they can compete with Whitechapel and Chimaira in terms of heaviness. Incorrect, you penises! Matt Heafy, with his enormous face/hair combo, has stopped pussying out of the screaming vocals (although Corey Beaulieu does add a bit of extra meat when necessary) and has reinstated his position as a solid frontman.

I couldn't resist getting stuck in so stripped down to the ol' vest and got involved. The pit was packed; it was hard to get a circle going but we metallers are a dedicated bunch. I was also pretty impressed by the amount of younglings going over the top during Like Light To Flies with little or no regard for their beautiful hair. My second crowd surf was somewhat hindered when fucking Moses turned up and parted the crowd, leading me to fall and land on my elbows. That was an enjoyable feeling.

It was one of the best gigs I've been to in many moons. Three bands with very different sounds, all one top form, epically sweaty pit, crowd surfing, a million beers, partial nudity, almost having a little cry when I smashed my bones into the floor; what more do you want? Huh? Exactly.

I'm off to try and shake this hangover. Can't decide if I'm going to puke or shit myself. Whichever, should probably find a toilet.

Ciao slutbags

M

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Local mental

I had a pang of pride this week as I witnessed some local talent destroying the stage as support for Malefice. Local boys Gokken opened proceedings and whilst the singer's voice was nothing extraordinary, they were musically tight and a decent start to proceedings. Incidentally, 'gokken' is the Japanese word for 'gulp' and is essentially porn in which women (or men) drink large quantities of semen. Found that out through Google. At work.

Gokken were followed by Avarice Rising. This local six-piece have two lead singers which although not particularly rare, one of these guys really blew me away. Chris stands about 5ft 6inches with terrible salon hair, a plaid shirt and white flesh tunnels. This mellow-voiced fellow opened his mouth the unleash one of the most brutal live vocals I've heard. From horrific screams to full on death grunts, the guy was amazing. Once off stage, I asked him where the fuck the voice came from, to which he just cocked his head to one side, smiled sweetly and said "I've just got demons inside me", before walking off. An intriguing dude.

Final band Reasonable Doubt brought a nice slab of metallic hardcore to the table, particularly drummer James who was a complete animal. Fantastic double kick work and impressive blastbeats, all in all tight as fuck.

I was lucky enough to catch up with Dale Butler from Malefice before the Reading boys the stage. He was milling around, manning the merch stand and watching the support bands intently so we grabbed a few minutes to chat. The full interview and review will be on MetalasFuck in the next few days but the general gist was that Malefice take what they do incredibly seriously and when they take the stage, this is pretty bloody obvious.

In other nooz, Iron Maiden have confirmed their North American tour with Dream Theatre which quite simply has to come to the UK or I shall start crying and go on a rampage. I've never been an enormous Dream Theatre fan but having seen them at Download (either last year or 2008, can't remember to be honest) I can fully appreciate their progressive musings. I hear Maiden are good live too...

A major criticism I have this week is of BBC 6Music. Last week I was singing it's praises and encouraging it's survival; this sentiment remains but I also think it's important that they get a little slap. They compiled a survey to decide on the thirty best guitarists of the last thirty years. I know this kind of survey is always contentious and people will always bitch, but if your going to include Kirk Hammett, how in the name of my low-hanging left bollock can you omit Dave Mustaine? That's like Jerry Springer being ahead of Oprah Winfrey in a 'Best Rich Chubby Black Female American Talk Show Host' competition. And I must have missed something for Jack White to be there so if anyone could explain I would genuinely appreciate it.

Plus, no Yngwie Malmsteen? Have a word!

Time to go. Check out the three local bands in my Cool Shit list, you won't be disappointed. Well, you might but that really is no concern of mine.

M
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Wormgrind?

After the abomination that was February's gig attendance, I'm hoping March is going to be less of a catastrophic failure. This month I'm lucky enough to have British metallers Malefice playing about a ten minute walk from my house, which is going to be pretty fucking special (providing the home town can deliver a better turnout than we did with Madball). These guys made it into my top ten of 2009 with their second album Dawn Of Reprisal and I've only seen them live once in the past, so one is particularly excited, innit.

Then it's the perpetually hated Trivium, with support coming from the excellent Chimaira and Whitechapel. So all in all, good things are on the horizon. Best not jinx it though...

The mighty Maiden have confirmed that their new album, without doubt the most anticipated release of 2010, will be called The Final Frontier. I can already foresee me, Shithouse and Bandy camping outside the local HMV on release day (which is as yet TBC) as I'm nowhere near an important enough music hack to get a preview copy. Although if anyone from their management is reading this, I will do anything to get my hands on it. Anything (cue horrendous and scarring image of me being sexy and seductive).

One of the most frustrating things about the last week is BBC director general Mark Thompson's proposed closure of BBC 6Music. For those of you who don't know, 6Music is a DAB radio station in the UK that delivers a genuine mix of music on a daily basis. They may not have a plethora of metal on their playlists but you can expect a healthy chunk of G'n'R, Maiden, Metallica, and the like. Plus, I got a massive rouge throbber this week when DJ Steve Lamacq span the Leatherface classic Do The Right Thing. That man deserves a fucking OBE as I didn't think anyone after the legendary John Peel would ever adorn the airwaves with the wonders of Sunderland's finest punk legends. So do me a favour; sign this petition as it may be the only way to prevent me having to listen to Lady Gaga and Girls Aloud all day in the office.

Album of the week for me has to be Wormrot's latest beauty Abuse. 23 songs,including eloquently titled So Fierce For Fuck!?, Shitlack and Fuck...I'm Drunk, this quality album is over and done with in about 20 minutes. I can honestly say that Wormrot are my favourite grindcore band from Singapore, without a doubt.

(Must digress briefly as I've got my non-Apple MP3 on shuffle at the mo and NOFX Don't Call Me White has just come one. What. A. Fucking. Tune.)

My festival update:

Sonisphere - Skunk Anansie, Funeral For A Friend, Apocalyptica, Fighstar, Apocalyptica, Gallows

Download - no announcement

Download wins, purely as I have never been less interested by announcement than Sonisphere's this week. A few good bands there but hardly enough to make you need a bit of locked-door private time.

And on that note, I bid you adieu. Oh, and check out the latest installment of my column on MetalasFuck; I know you've nothing better to do.

Have a fucking brutal weekend

M

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