A fun night out for all the family

February 19th finally came round, so I got my shit together and made the journey over to Kentish Town to take in the might Children Of Bodom. Whilst I was cacking myself with excitement about seeing another fine Finnish export, I was also well up for a bit of their support - the mighty death metal scene icons Cannibal Corpse. This was a hella smart move by Bodom; nothing says you mean business more than taking one of the most hardcore bands ever to walk the Earth on tour with you.

There was a fair mix of colours there but in all honesty I counted more Corpse than Bodom. And when they took they stage, they took the room. The pit went into some kind of rabid frenzy as crowd pleaser "I Cum Blood" came over the PA. George "Corpsegrinder" Fisher kindly dedicated "Fucked With A Knife" to all the ladies in the room, which was greeted with cheers (really girls??), and the barrage continued for the next hour, a violent assault of kick drum, down-tuned everything and arsehole-spasming vocals. Finishing with "Hammer Smashed Face" was an inevitability and I surprised my self by knowing the tune quite well. An impromptu "Stripped, Raped and Strangled" again threw the crowd into some kind of fucking batshit nasty hellhole mess, and off they went.

I'm not really a fan of Cannibal Corpse's music but I did buy one of their shirts. Not to be cool, as I am already fucking much cool, but because I dig what they stand for. A 13-year-old kid can walk into any HMV and buy a Corpse CD, then listen to songs such as the above. But he can't buy "Striptease", the toilet comedy featuring Demi Moore and her implausibly round tits. He can then walk down the street into Virgin, or Zavvi, whateverdafuck, and buy a Carcass album with a JFK autopsy photo on the front, but can't buy a Dylan Moran DVD. Cannibal Corpse exemplify how censorship is the most hypocritical bucket of leper shit known to man. Okay, the albums were banned, but hey ain't now. And does a kid watching "Harlem Nights" starring Richard Pryor really seem worse than listening to songs about brutal murder, rape, necrophilia and torture? Oh, actually....

Meanwhile, back at the Forum, Bodom had taken to the stage. I insisted they'd kick off with "Living Dead Beat" and boy, was I wrong. Mind you, it came in second so not too bad. I am still yet to make a single correct prediction about openers... but anyways, the crowd was insane. I was a bit poorly having spent the night before puking and shitting for a few hours but when I saw that pit start to swirl, I had to get involved. "Bodom After Midnight" caused mass hysteria and the singalong during "In Your Face" took things to a new height. Not familiar with the song? Imagine 2,000 sweaty fuckers screaming:

I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK MOTHER FUCKER
I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK MOTHER FUCKER
I DON'T GIVE A FLYING
I DON'T GIVE A FLYING
I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUUUUUUUUUCK!

Passion? You bet yo' ass, boi.

As I left the pit, I crashed very hard very quickly so we had to go. I don't know if they played "Are You Dead Yet?" but that was what I was after. Still, 'm sure I'll catch them at Download (pleasepleasepleaseplease)

In short, COB cut us all a new one. The most impressive aspect for me was the seemingly effortless skill of Janne Wirman on keyboards. The speed at which he plays not only compliments the ridiculous shreddery of Alexi Laiho, but at time it surpasses it. DragonForce's Vadim Pruzhanov comes close for showmanship but for raw, arthritis-inducing finger trickery, Janne has it for me. His girlfriend must be very.... no, I can't make this gag. Too shit, even by my standards.

DOWNLOAD UPDATE:
Killswitch, ZZ Top and Marilyn Manson?? Oh you know it baby. Bring that shit on!!

Is this love?

And so it continues. The rumour mill was churning a fair bit of stuff around, most of which was too good to be true. But lo, it did happen, and it was good. Def Leppard and Whitesnake for Download 2009. Un-feckshatting-believable!

It's not just the fact that these two titans of hair/power/whatevadafuck metal have recorded some of the greatest singalong rock tunes of all time (anyone not know the chorus to "Let's Get Rocked"?) but that they are playing on the same bill as modern legends such as the mighty 'Knot, other gargantuan often dead rock lords Motley Crue, and already what is proving to be a "who's who" of genre-defining bands.

Trivium are there too; last time I saw them I had my arm around Matt Heafy and was in a pit of about 5 ("I stand corrected", November 23rd 2008) so it'll be fucking tits to see them at the other end of the spectrum.

Rumours of Faith No More seem unfounded so far but Lamb Of God are looking good. To be honest, this festival is as if someone reached inside my head and took a photo of what posters for MADownload would look like. I'm running out of bands that I adore and HAVE to see:
Maiden? Done it mate.
Metallica? Less than a month.
Skynyrd? May 31st fella.
Leatherface? Yup.
HIM? Losing count geezer.
Lagwagon? One of the first ever.
Machine Fucking Head? Been fucking there.
Poison?.........Poison?..........

We're one band away from perfection..........

Hey diddle diddle....

...and so on and so forth, and I jumped over the fucking moon, as I think the nursery rhyme once said!

Download 2009 first announcement has pooh-poohed the Heaven & Hell, Slipknot and Limp Bizkit headline rumours - Slipknot was right, but try throwing the mighty Prodigy and the immortal Motley Crue into the mix too! Fuck yeah baby! Also announced are DevilDriver and DragonFroce - all about DevilDriver for me; I love those guys ("Thank you Coal Chamber", April 29th, 2008)

I'm now eagerly awaiting the rest of the announcements. I love this time of year - it's always fun watching the forums complain about the quality of bands but this year, they can eat a big fat MADdick because Download 2009 is going to RULE.

Fact.

Being slack

What can I say, it's been a drought as far as music goes over the last couple of months? I know, I know, I should have kept in touch. So sue me.

Anyway, happy new year and all that shit.

Got the tickets ot Download 2009 today but alas, there are still no confirmed bands. This being said, me and Hot Chick had such a fucking gnarly weekend last time, I can't miss it. Favourites to headline so far seem to be Nickelback and Slipknot, with a big fat TBC over Sunday's closer but who can tell? Aerosmith have been thrown out there too - a tad unlikely, methinks.

I'm back for 2009 now fuckers, so watch this space. My opinion on the Download line-up as it's unveiled surely can't be missed?