It's not just metal

*Warning: the first couple of paragraphs are not about metal*

I've said it before but I'll say it again; metal has some fucking odd genres, usually made up by over- imaginative PRs and journalists. However, whilst engaging in conversation with some of my non-metal colleagues I was introduced to a couple of real beauties in their world; 'aquacrunk' and 'purple'. Purple? That's just silly. Being a fan of a broad spectrum of music though I dutifully scoured the International Webosphere for example of these genres and what I discovered was, well, uninspiring and a bit shit.

However, my time was rewarded whilst researching 'donk'. Donk is essentially an onomatopoeic word used to describe music made by teenagers in tracksuits in the North of England, who then rap over it in regional accents. This is without a doubt the funniest thing I've heard since a bloke in my office suggested Kings Of Leon were metal; take a look for yourselves (stick with it, it just gets better and better)

Moving away from donk, let's get back to proper music. I've got an interview with Singapore grinders Wormrot in a couple of weeks for Metal as Fuck courtesy of our friends at Earache so if there is anything you'd particularly like to know, post it on here and I'll see what I can do. Bearing in mind they're described as 'abusive grindcore', questions about their favourite way to spend a Sunday and which celebrities they have crushes on won't make the cut. I'm also planning to force myself upon Trigger The Bloodshed (in an interview sense, not a genitals-to-anus sense) later this month so any questions for those boys too, let a brother know.

On a serious note, I'm sure both of my regular readers will join me in wishing Bret Michaels a speedy recovery. The Poison front man has had a real run of it - after smashing his face in on the set at the Tony Awards, then needing emergency surgery on his appendix, he is now recovering in hospital after suffering a massive brain hemorrhage. All reports suggest his condition is improving. All the best, you formerly massive haired, devilishly handsome son of a gun.

So with the sun shining and the weekend merely a working day away, I bid you adieu.

Have a good one
M
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My home town wins

Apologies for the lack of Metal Harmony last week but due to some massive hill hammering shit-filled smoke into the sky, me and Hot Chick got stuck in Italy.

I say 'stuck' but to be honest, six nights free accommodation including breakfast and dinner ain't exactly a struggle.

One of the thing I noticed about Italy though was the distinct lack of obvious metal/metallers. I wasn't expecting to see everyone walking around in Lacuna Coil t-shirts but still, with most towns and cities there'll be at least one small group of scumbags resplendent in metal colours. Instead, I counted two Misfits, one Exploited, one Immortal and one Dream Theater t-shirt in eight days. Extraordinary.

Sick Of It All were fucking devastating when I saw them a couple of weeks back, thanks for asking. Me, Si-KO and Danny Hurt Process filed in as the place was rammed with every type of punk and reprobate for a 100-mile radius. Despite the pit having a fair few gaps, stage diving was a necessity (although the bloke who Superman'd in from the stage, missed and landed on his neck may have wanted to reconsider). Songs like Built To Last, Step Down and the unbeatable Scratch The Surface blew me away. And best of all, they looked like they were having a fucking riot. Lou Koller's constant smile helped to create a truly epic atmosphere for these hardcore legends. The bruises and various amounts of blood spatter were well and truly worth it. Good work boys, good work.

It was great to see our little local venue finally delivering the crowd we knew it could. Hopefully this means we'll continue to get some big names down there. With Madball, Malefice and SOIA in the last few months, plus regular performances from the UK Subs and a late-May slot filled by Trigger The Bloodshed, it looks like happy days ahead.

Until next time you beautiful freaks

M

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You might hate me for this

I really don't get Steel Panther. Actually, let me rephrase; I got Steel Panther. I laughed at Death To All But Metal, I saw them live, it was humorous, we all smiled and guffawed, and a merry time was had by all. The bit I don't understand is why the fuck they're still here?

I'm not trying to be deliberately controversial as they are talented musicians but really? With the hilarious 80's schtick and comedy blowjob gags? Is no-one else bored of this yet? Am I some kind of freak? I'm genuinely bemused as to why these guys are still getting air time.

Unfortunately the Steel Panther situation has put me in a bit of a ranty mood so apologies. Or not. Actually, not. Fuck off.

The other band in the "should love but don't" pile this week is Airbourne. Before you start crying and scouring forums for a scathing insult, hear me out. Airbourne sound a bit like AC/DC, the way that Iron Maiden sound a bit like Iron Maiden. I've seen them live (granted, it was at a festival) and they were a great rock and roll band but I have issues. They've rocketed up the popularity rankings pretty quickly and I can't help but feel the metal community will turn on them. When Trivium came along, they experienced huge success in a relatively short period of time, so all the old school metal elite thought "actually, these cunts can fuck off, we don't like them any more as they got too big too quick and sound like Metallica".

I get the feeling Airbourne will soon get the same shit off of the same people; "hang on, they sound like AC/DC. I withdraw my support and shall blog furiously about how shit and unoriginal they are whilst sacrificing my first born to Manowar".

I may be wrong but I reckon Airbourne will be shot down soon in the not too distant future (pun intended).

Oh, festival update:
Download - no announcement
Sonisphere - amongst others, Sick Of It All, Europe, Therapy (playing Troublegum in full)

Sonisphere wins this week in a friggin' epic way. That Therapy set is almost enough to make my genitals vomit.

Let's end on a high - me and a few of the chaps are off to see Sick Of It All tomorrow and I'm about nine hours away from a week off work. That, my friends, is what's known in the business as a 'fucking result'.

Ta ta

M
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One Million Beers

There are certain things at which metallers aren't very good; washing regularly, accepting that Slayer can't headline every festival every year, dancing to R&B, and so on. However, there are also things at which we excel, one of which is drinking.

Wine, Jaegermeister, vodka - all staples of the metal way. But king upon kings has to be beer. Drinking a good pint of beer whilst watching a live metal band is the emotional equivalent of a Christian giving Jesus a handjob; it's an intensely epic experience.

With this in mind, and fueled by some of this magical liquid, I was chatting to Biodagar and Goatlady (editor of MetalasFuck and uber-metal MaF contributer respectively) about who could drink the most, drink the hardest, and so on. Clearly being Australian, they're used to shit weak beer and little else. Those of you who are bored enough to read this blog regularly will know I'm always going on about having had a million beers and enjoy a solid pint of Guinness, farty English ales, etc. I thought we should make something of this. The mental Aussies agreed.

An lo, with Biodagar and Goatlady's technical wizardry, One Million Beers For Metal was born. If you're at a gig, party, festival, whatever, and you're smashing a beer, take a photo and send it to us. Our aim is simple - photos of one million beers being consumed in the name of metal. There's a Flickr group, the official website is here and we want you all to get involved. The UK obviously has the best beers so will no doubt have the most submissions so get stuck in.

Think you're metal, eh? Get your ugly mug on the site then.*

*Please note: drink responsibly as I don't want your parents contacting me and complaining that you drank yourself to death like a complete fucking pussy

Now go enjoy Easter. Celebrate the time that Jesus died, then got reborn in a chocolate egg which turned into a large bunny.

Much love

M
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