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Friday, 27 August 2010

Emuters

Until today I've never noticed the similarities between commuters and emo kids - generic dark clothes, miserable faces, a general aura of grumpiness. Less fringe action mind. I don't object to being a cog in the ever-churning corporate machine but days like today, standing in a cramped train, cock-to-leg with numerous other besuited fellows, in a soaking wet coat and with the need for a cigarette meaning I'm about 17 minutes from mass homicide, I do sometimes wonder if it would be so bad if I chucked it all in went to live in a wood cabin in Alaska...

I'm being a bit emo myself now but fuck you, man. You like, don't understand my pain. Only Gerrard Way does... *hums The Black Parade*

Still, on the plus side The Big 4's performance from Sonisphere Bulgaria is coming out on DVD and BluRay in September. If The Red Wizard's review is anything to go by I shall most definitely be procurring this, buying a crate of beer and tuning my air guitar. Plus Slipknot's new DVD (sic)ness is released on September 28th and includes their crushing performance at Download 2009. I still get heartilly engorged thinking about Spit It Out during that performance.

Sad news about Adam 'Nergal' Darski this week though. You've probably heard by now that the Behemoth frontman has been diagnosed with leukemia and is in urgent need of a bone marrow transplant. On a rare Metal Harmony serious note, donating bone marrow is something we should all get involved with. The relative discomfort that the doner feels is negligible when you look at the good it can do. I'm going to get myself registered, go here if you want to do the same (UK only I'm afraid but information is easy to find).

Right, I'm off to get my hair cut like Justin Bieber.

Westside,
M
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Friday, 20 August 2010

Not a review of The Final Frontier

What a week, eh? How many reviews of The Final Frontier have you read? I think I'm on about ninety so far. I'll be honest homies; in my tiny mind, Iron Maiden are pretty much as good as old school heavy metal gets. However, after a couple of listens I'm still not getting a bonerus ginormus from this album. There's no doubting that songs like The Alchemist and Mother of Mercy are great songs but there's a lot of relatively uninspiring, long sections where not much happens. I do like it, I really do. I think my expectations were perhaps a little impossible to match though.

This being said, Maiden could come round my house, drink my last beer, piss on the sofa and take a shit without flushing and I'd still get the Live After Death album cover tattooed on my face.

Anyway, looks like I'm going to be missing out on an interview with/review of And Hell Follows With next week due to work commitments - yes, believe it or not writing album reviews and a weekly blog doesn't pay the bills - which is a shame. These lads have had a bit of a shoeing from the metal elite, as have every other deathcore band in existence but for me, Proprioception is a great big chunk of nasty metal noise that deserves a listen. Still, I'll get my deathcore fix from the Job For A Cowboy, Trigger The Bloodshed, Whitechapel and Annotations Of An Autopsy gig later this year. That, my friends, will be an awesome use of an evening.

And now for something completely different. My mate The Crook, when he's not either undergoing surgery or *allegedly* downloading copious amounts of music and films, is a master of sending me amazing videos he's found on the Webnet International. However, yesterday he surpassed all previous efforts with this. I'll leave you with what has to be the funniest thing I've seen in months..

Det Satan Club

Have a good weekend pickles

M
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Friday, 13 August 2010

In the belly of a Kentish town

Gallows? In my home town? Go on then. It's difficult to think of a band in recent years that made more of an impact than the Watford bruisers. When their debut Orchestra of Wolves was released, the music press hailed them as the new saviours of true British punk rock, and the train kept rolling with their follow up Grey Britain. Simple, stripped down, spitting punk from ugly tattooed blokes - it's a beautiful thing.

My local venue has been going on about their big announcement for some time now and I was half expecting it to be some shit, reformed Britpop band so getting the email about Gallows was most exciting. With them, Cancer Bats, Lower Than Atlantis and The Casino Brawl all coming to my manner before the end of this year, South East England is on it's way to a right good kicking. Me likey long time.

Can you all just take a moment to raise your horns for Behemoth frontman Adam 'Nergal' Darski, who is currently receiving medical treatment for serious illness. Get well soon, you bible ripping heathen - more information here.

And excitingly, Alter Bridge are back at the end of September with their third album, AB III and if it's anywhere near as good as Blackbird I will make a pants milkshake.

Since I've mentioned pants, I can't help thinking of 30 Seconds To Mars. The sub-standard emo arsedribble they've produced in the past is nothing compared to the thunderously fucking awful new song. I know I'm not exactly target market as despite what my laughable beardline suggets, I'm not a teenage girl, but I like to think I know music and Jared Leto's boys are fucking shite. That is all.

On the subject of my laughable beardline, I got ID'd in a supermarket yesterday buying £150-worth of beer and wine with my work colleagues. That wasn't embarrassing at all. I'm never again wearing an Atreyu t-shirt when I need to buy booze.

Have a good weekend chickens

M
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Friday, 6 August 2010

To Oz or not to Oz

I got a message from Shithouse the other day asking me if I wanted to go and see Guns N' Roses in October. If it were the original lineup I wouldn't be able to buy the tickets fast enough but as they are I find it difficult to get excited. Slash playing Paradise City and Sweet Child O' Mine with Myles Kennedy at Download 2010 was a beautiful thing, as not only does Kennedy hit every single note but witnessing one of the greatest guitarists in history playing some of the most anthemic riffs ever created was truly immense.

This being said, Kennedy's not the same kind of old school gritty frontman as Axl Rose who despite being pretty much a full on fucking lunatic, has to be one of the most distinctive lead singers in the history of rock and metal.

Thinking about it, maybe I do want to go...

This kind of flakey non-commitment is happening to me a lot at the moment. I've been toying with the idea of Ozzfest when it returns to London for one night only as Ozzy is one of the few remaining stalwarts of metal who I've not seen live. However, I have a fear that I'm going to be a tad disappointed. Maybe I'm being a bit negative but does Ozzy still have it? I'm actually asking that question because for me, I just don't know. The lineup is decent - Korn, Murderdolls, and the always excellent live Skindred - and it's only £40 so I can probably justify it to myself to head along. Perhaps.

I'm off up to Nottingham today for a stag do with the oft' mentioned Big Mearz and I'm wondering how we're going to cope with wearing relatively smart clothes so we can get into places. It's fair to say we're both scumbags and although I've not seen him for a few years I doubt he's ditched his Bad Religion t-shirt and general hairiness in exchange for some brown slacks and a red turtleneck.

Whilst I'm on the subject of clothes (which will happen very rarely on this blog) what the fucking fuck is going on with 'fashion'? Trying to find a shirt that didn't make me look like either an ugly woman or a homosexual lumberjack was nigh on impossible. And let me make this point loud and clear: CARDIGANS ARE WHAT GIRLS WEAR. And skinny jeans? If I wore skinny jeans I'd look like a Mr Whippy. What about normal jeans for the gentleman who enjoys perhaps a few too many beers, huh? Fucking fascists.

Anyway, enough of this. I've a bag to pack and a head to shave so must be off. Oh, and if you haven't played the new Iron Maiden game yet, get stuck in here.

Love you
M
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Friday, 30 July 2010

I've arrived!

I got told I sucked yesterday. Some young chap took exception to my slightly derogatory review of the new Fleshwrought album, Dementia/Dyslexia and wrote on MetalasFuck's Facebook page that I suck.

I have to be honest, the pang of pride I felt was extraordinary. I've written something that has genuinely pissed someone off. I'd have preferred a bit more embellishment as to exactly why I suck but it's always nice when people have emotive responses to stuff I write... I can only hope that one day I too reach the level of Ian Winwood

I have enormous amounts of beef at the moment though. Lagwagon and No Use For A Name are touring Europe and not coming to the sodding UK, which is frankly devastating. I haven't seen these boys live for over a decade and when I heard a tour was planned, I immediately messaged Big Mearz and dusted of my wallet chain in preparation. How can you tour Europe and not play the UK?? Bastards!

As you can see this has cut me deep...Still, with a Whitechapel with Annotations Of An Autopsy and Trigger The Bloodshed tour, plus Devildriver and 36 Crazyfists all planned for the arse end of this year there's plenty to look forward too. It's been a fair while (in MADman terms) until I've been to see anyone live due to everything that's been going on at home so I'm getting jittery. Unless I'm in the pit getting sweated on by a selection of robust gentlemen in the next few weeks I might turn peculiar.

On the subject of gigs, Sonisphere takes place this weekend so for all you lucky, lucky fuckers who are trucking to Knebworth, have a truly amazing time. It's going to be difficult not to with Alice Cooper, Rammstein, Slayer, Anthrax, and some mob called Iron Maiden? It's a spectacular lineup and if money were no object I'd be all over it like a fat kid on a Mars bar.

I'm off to buy tickets for Cancer Bats so with the sun shining and last night's Chinese pushing uncomfortably on my lower intestine, see youz lot later.

Peace,
M
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Friday, 23 July 2010

Little drummer boy

I might have mentioned it once or twice before but I love a bit of drumming. My old man bought me a set when I was 14, partly due to the fact that I was a fucking annoyance and it kept me out of the way, but mainly because I was growing up in Norfolk and he was keen to distract me from the temptations of incest and sheep buggery.

My mate and I then spent the next four years ruining the relaxed ambiance of our village, me on the skins, him on the out of tune guitar, with our fucking horrendous covers of Nirvana, Green Day, 3 Colours Red, Feeder, and other timely outfits. Me and Bro Dude also formed Spazmodik Kontraction, a Scandinavian-inspired deathgrind band that covered songs by then-popular girl band Hepburn.

But lo, off I went to university and since then, I've not had space for the kit. Until now...

Me and Hot Chick now live in a place with a slightly Fritzl-esque soundproof basement so preparations are in place for Operation Drum Resurrection. All I need is a crash cymbal stand and a double kick and I'll be touring with Dream Theater before you know it.

The kind people at Metal Blade have been on an album release mission of late which has resulted in some absolute quality finding its way onto my Non-Apple MP4 player. There are two that have really caused penile engorgement on my part; A New Era Of Corruption from Whitechapel and Blekinge from Istapp.

Whitechapel's latest album came out a few weeks ago and it's quite simply devastating (in a good way). This mob are absolute genre leaders in deathcore and the new outing cements this. Enormous riffs, crippling vocals and big name appearances (Chino Moreno, anyone?). It's a truly wonderful thing.

Speaking of which, Istapp are a new band on me but Blekinge is without doubt in my top ten albums of the year so far. Swedish black/folk/death/prog metal? Don't mind if I do. I'd recommend wandering over to their MySpace for a bit of a listen, particularly to I Väntan Den Absoluta Nollpunkten

Is it wrong that I'm looking at my clock, which is currently sitting at 07:35, and thinking about beers? I know I have a problem, that problem being I don't have enough money to drink as much as I'd like to. But the weekend shall undoubtedly be full of ale and merriment, punctuated by globules of extreme metal and arse-leakingly amusing stupidity so with all this in mind, I'll leave you lot to it.

High 5 mother fuckers

M
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Friday, 16 July 2010

Music; it's a funny old game

The past few weeks have undoubtedly been the hardest of my life so far but I don't want to dwell and just repeat last week's post. So, for the shit loads of messages me and Hot Chick got from people we know, people we don't, and a fantastic collective of folks on Twitter, I shall simply say thank you.

Music has been a massive remedy for me recently. It's also been the catalyst for disaster but more on that in a moment. I've always had a particularly emotive response to some songs - Leatherface's How Lonely always causes me to smile, Slipknot's Disasterpiece from the 9.0: Live album makes me want to run down a street smashing windows, etc. But add personal grief and booze into the equation and as a badass ghetto homeboy like myself would say, shit gets crazy.

I went for a few drinks the other night, as one does, but started to feel a bit melancholy so though I'd do an early swerve and head home. My shuffle's formidable choice of tunage at this point was Dance Hall Crashers' Lockjaw album. Those who know the band will be aware that this is not metal at all; it's simply the most upbeat, positive 'ska' sung by a couple of chicks and I love it. So with Pick Up Lines chirping away in my ears, things were bearable as the booze hammered it's way through my blood system. Then it all went a bit wrong as my shuffling landed on Dyscarnate's Enduring the Massacre. Angry music makes angry man. I should have probably skipped immediately but I love this album and in a way, wanted to be angry. So after six tracks and with blood pressure at an all time high, I made the executive decision to shuffle on and landed on Ugly Kid Joe's Cats in the Cradle, and promptly spent the rest of the evening (including a rather awkward leg of a train journey home) crying.

Isn't that fucking amazing though? Isn't the fact that music does this to people extraordinary? Beer had loosened up my emotions but even walking along stone cold sober, certain songs will cause me to well up, certain songs will cause me to smile and certain songs will cause me to punch the crap out of a moving vehicle.

Some bearded fellow once wrote a few plays and in one, he said "if music be the food of love, play on". I couldn't agree more son, but it's not just the food of love - it's the food of pain, happiness, sorrow, joy, and just about every other emotion.

With that in mind, my beautiful freaks, away with thine and listen to some fucking tunes.

Laters
M
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Wednesday, 7 July 2010

Our pain

Me and Hot Chick have been together for many years now, married for half of them, and it's fair to say our life together has been perfect in every way. A few months ago it was made even more perfect when we found out that there was going to be an addition to our family.

With our little one on the way, we've been spending the last few months preparing. The crib is sorted, the Download Dog stuffed toy was ready and thanks to one of our best friends, the kid's AC/DC T-shirt is ironed and ready. Hot Chick's even compiled the songs she wanted played at the hospital come the big day despite the fact it's a few months off. She likes to plan, does my other half.

Last week we went to the doctors for our first glimpse of the kiddy which, as I'm sure many of you can testify, is a pretty exciting time. As we were called in, my heart was hammering away like Derek Roddy's kick drums and I had the constant, overwhelming desire to take a shit.

My wife lay down on the table, we held hands and smiled, and the ultrasound was passed over her. The midwife then stoically informed us that she couldn't find a heartbeat. After a second midwife came in to confirm, we were told our baby had died.

Needless to say our hearts broke at that very instant. Nothing could prepare us for the indescribable pain and overwhelming sense of loss.

I remember when we found out about the pregnancy I cast a cursory eye to the sky and flippantly said "right God, here's your chance to make me believe - please make everything okay". So, if there is indeed a God, he's a total fucking arsehole. This experience is the final nail in the coffin of religion for me. No omnipotent deity would ever allow such pain to be bestowed upon good people. I've lead a good life; I give to charity, I love and respect my family, I've never committed a [serious] crime, I help old people cross the road, I help people carry heavy bags up stairs, and I will continue to do so but not with the vague notion that by doing good, goods thing will happen to me. That's all bullshit. Karma, religion, it can all fuck off with it's retarded nonsense.

Seeing my wife in a hospital bed in preparation for an operation to remove our dead child, crying, doubled over in pain, bleeding; nothing in my life will be worse than that. Nothing could compare to how useless and superfluous I felt. I always want to make things better, fix things, but this was one thing that I could do fuck all about.

Some smart fucker once said "time is a great healer". And they're right. It's been over a week since our missed miscarriage and subsequent operation and although we cry every day, things are getting better. We have amazing families, our friends are second to none but more importantly, we're in it together.

Sorry for the lack of metal this week but this has been incredibly cathartic.

Thanks for reading.

M
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Friday, 25 June 2010

Guest Blog - The Red Wizard and The Big 4

This week, The Red Wizard provides us with the first guest blog in Metal Harmony history. Our resident guitar aficionado and Mikael Akerfeldt lookalike was at one of the screenings of the Big 4 thrash extravaganza, the lucky bastard. Here's how it went down...

I have MADman to thank for getting to the screening of the Big 4's performance at Sonisphere, Bulgaria as if it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t have even known anything about it. So with 2 tickets booked for me and the missus we hit the pub for a swift pint before going to the cinema just in time to grab another cold one in the bar. We found our seats as the warm up began.

This consisted mainly of motormouth Lars, Scott Ian and Dave Mustaine talking about how great they are and how Lars created the universe. Lots of back slapping etc. Naturally Lars was the only one that looked comfortable, with Dave hunched forward with his hair over his eyes. Nothing particularly interesting.

So onto the show…

With Anthrax drawing the short straw it’s their job to open and they come out all guns blazing with a true thrash anthem in Caught in a Mosh. Once again Joey Belladonna is back in the band (for what is the third time now) but he’s in good form and boy does he prove it when they play Indians. Halfway through the song we hear the familiar intro to Heaven And Hell and the cinema and crowd at Sofia go crazy as Anthrax pay tribute to the recently departed Ronnie James Dio. Joey manages all the high notes effortlessly and it’s a joy to watch. After Anthrax we decided to smash another beer but whilst we were at the bar we were told Megadeth had already started. So much for it being live. There was obviously a delay so as to skip the changeover between bands. Beers smashed we rushed back into the cinema to hear Hanger 18 played with ferocity by Mustaine and crew. It was so cool to see 'Baby Dave' David Ellefson back on bass especially as this occasion was so huge. With a set picked mostly from Rust In Piece they got a fantastic response.

"Slayer! Slayer! Slayer!" You’ve heard it so many times before they step out on stage and when they do, they're still one of the most formidable looking bands ever. Opening number Hate Worldwide saw the Slayer fans crying out to cinema staff to turn it up as it did sound far too quiet for Slayer, so sensibly the volume was increased. I have to say their set was a bit lacklustre; sure they played great and had tremendous power but something seemed to be missing.

It was no surprise that Metallica would headline this little jaunt and when the sound of Ennio Morricone’s the Ecstasy of Gold seeps out of the p.a. the crowd starts to go crazy. I could tell you all about their set but all you need to know is this. …

Their first encore was Am I Evil and they were joined onstage by Anthrax, Dave Lombardo AND MEGADETH! Yes thrash fans, you heard that right. James Hetfield and Dave Mustaine, whose bitter rivalry is almost as famous as the two bands themselves, were stood side by side onstage. I never thought I would ever see the day when they would play on stage together again.

And so to close.

This was a unique chance to see the four biggest thrash metal bands perform onstage together. I was surprised to discover the cinema wasn’t full and the crowd inside it seemed pretty tame. They needed a little encouragement from this Red Wizard to start throwing horns clapping and cheering. The fact we couldn’t take beer into the cinema sucked and I also learnt Sofia, Bulgaria has the lamest circle pits in the universe. We hit the local metal pub for another beer and reflection. Seeing metal bands in the cinema is certainly cheaper and closer than travelling to gigs but it’s no substitute to actually being there sitting in a field smashing beers and feeling the full force of metal hitting you like a sledgehammer.

So with this epic cinematic experience behind him, our man in Scotland hands back the reins. I truly wish I could have seen this show but I already had tickets for Sex & The City 2 that day.

Until next week,

M

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Friday, 18 June 2010

The highs and lows

As a final high-5 to Download 2010, I though I'd do a good old fashioned best of/worst of. This is a combination of me being lazy and the fact that I'm sure you've already read several hundred reviews of the event (clearly the best of which was mine). So, on to the business in hand.

The Best:

5. Semi-naked people

I don't mean the promo girls walking around in their underwear; I mean the fat/bald/hairy/old Downloaders: people that really do not give a fuck and are just themselves all weekend. It's the least judgemental place on earth and a welcome relief from the ultra-critical world in which we spend 90% of our lives.

4. Five stages

An acoustic stage? What a great shout. There's no such thing as too much metal but sitting in the sun chinning a beer whilst a quality rock band strum their way through an unplugged set is a wonderful thing. Then wander to one of the tents for some smaller bands, past the main stage for some of the biggest names in music on your way to a different stage to catch a brutal death metal outfit, and they're all close enough to avoid "I really can't be arsed" syndrome.

3. Cold beer/great Guinness

Every single pint I got was chilled to perfection, whether it was at 10:30 or 23:00. Nothing in the world is less satisfying than a warm lager. And the Guinness Extra Cold was, um, extra cold, with the creamy, velvety head you only get on a lovely fresh pint. Mmm...

2. The variety

Napalm Death and HIM sharing the same stage? Zebrahead and Whitechapel treading the same boards? Dommin and Hellyeah plugging their instruments into the same amps? It can only be Download. The people who criticise the lineup are hilarious and although Machine Head and Suffocation playing every slot on every stage would indeed be very metal, the variety is what makes Download truly awesome.

1. The headliners

Okay, Sonisphere has Iron Maiden this year but let me just spell it out for you again:

AC/DC
Rage Against The Machine
Aerosmith

AC/DC was as close to perfection as a rock show could ever be, RATM brought a passion and political anger the likes of which I've never experienced and Aerosmith demonstrated potentially the greatest live vocal I have ever seen. Fair enough AC/DC bringing their own stage was a bit ostentatious and their £3m+ price tag is a bit on the renty side but you know what? That's fucking rock and roll baby.

The Worst:

5. Friday beer queue

With AC/DC headlining the main stage, it seems the extra 30,000 tickets for Download this year were all day tickets for Friday. As regular readers may have gleaned from Metal Harmony, I love a beer and subsequently drink a lot of them. Therefore, standing in a fucking enormous queue for fucking ages was a complete pain in the arse on Friday.

4. The Sunday afternoon rain

Fair enough we had sublime weather on Friday and Saturday but the biblical rain on Sunday was a bit of a buzz kill, especially as it dramatically thinned the crowd and meant me and Hot Chick were stuck watching fucking T-34.

3. Missing virtually all of Whitechapel's set

My one shocker of the weekend; we'd managed to get shelter and started to dry off a bit, only to realise that Whitechapel were playing at the other side of the site. We got there only in time for one song, which was a right pain in my arsehole.

2. T-34

I may have mentioned it previously but why the fuck this shit covers band were gracing the same stage as Suicidal Tendencies baffles me. I'm generally a bit of a miserable twat at the best of times but coupled with the rain, this completely pissed me off no end.

1. The noodles

I've done it once; "I'm bored of burgers, I'm going to try the noodles". This was the only time in my hearty-eating life I've not finished a meal. The noodles at Download are fucking horrendous. They taste of dysentery, smell like a corpse's foreskin and look as appealing as a bareback bunk-up with Margaret Thatcher. And NO-ONE LIKES THEM. There are piles of the bastards all over the site that you always end up sitting in. I hate them. Ban the fuckers, I say.

So there we have it. It's all over for now but as Metallica once eloquently said, the memory remains. But in no time at all we'll be discussing how the first announcement is shit and isn't metal all over again.

Until next week, and for those about to rock, I salute you.

M

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Tuesday, 15 June 2010

Download 2010 special!

Friday, June 11th

It pissed down with rain, cars crashed into each other and there were endless traffic jams en route but with the help of AC/DC and Iron Maiden on the CD player of our rented Citroen, we got to Download 2010. Being as Hot Chick and I are far too old for this camping malarkey, we chucked our stuff in the B&B and made our way to the main arena.

You know you're going to Download when you're standing next to a 20-stone man dressed as Xena Warrior Princess and a teenager is sleeping in his own sick at 16:00. God I love this time of year.

AC/DC, in true rock star fashion, decided to bring their own stage this year and dump it next to the actual main stage:



So with hideously over-priced Tuborg in hand, we got ourselves to the Bedroom Jam stage to catch Imicus, who's post-grunge vs. metalcore stylings were thoroughly enjoyable. Their debut album Animal Factory is going to be worth a listen. As we wandered over to the main stage to see 36 Crazyfists ripping each and every Downloader a new arsehole (with the help of a surprise performance from a particularly dapper Howard Jones of Killswitch Engage), the sheer volume of metallers gave me immense satisfaction. Here's me and the wife in a field in Derbyshire, with 109,998 other music fans of all different shapes, sizes and hairstyles. This is the time of year we all get together, put the musical differences aside and simply smash beers for about a week. Oh happy days.

And in a matter of hours, we'll be watching AC/DC. I'm pretty sure my day is better than yours so far.

After much meandering around the multitude of stages on offer, we got engrossed by Jet Black on the acoustic stage. Whilst the banter had a bit of a Spinal Tapp feel to it, the music was solid and complimented the unexpected sunshine.

As one fellow decided to drink a Wellington boot full of beer, we decided to catch Killswitch Engage and to be honest, I remained impressed. Fair enough, their main stage slot might have seemed a bit high and my better half can't stand them but the crowd loved it an their excellent cover of the late great Dio's Holy Diver set the festival on fire.

Today was a metalcore fan's wet dream; As I Lay Dying followed Killswitch (on different stages) and those fond of the melodic beatdown were well catered for. Seeing this two stalwarts of the metalcore genre was a great thing.

And on the subject of great things, let's talk about Them Crooked Vultures. Their melodic rock strummings were the perfect soundtrack to an afternoon on the beers. However, as I'm a drummer and one of my first introductions to proper alternative music was Nirvana's Nevermind, seeing and hearing Dave Grohl on the drums was a truly extraordinary and humbling experience.

But everything today was dwarfed, shadowed and bitch slapped by AC/DC. From the new Runaway Train to the classic Thunderstruck, this set was virtual perfection. The crowd interaction was immense, the set list was flawless and the pensioner dressed as a schoolboy was everything we expected and more.



Tomorrow needs to be bloody amazing to beat this...

Saturday, June 12th

Day two started with a sizable cooked breakfast, three coffees and a pledge to drink slightly less beer than on Friday.

The lack of AC/DC meant that Saturday didn't feel quite as busy, so after a journey to the medical tent in search of some form of tablet to prevent my insides falling out (lots of beer + festival food = intestinal carnage) we wandered to the relatively empty main stage to catch Taking Dawn. In true opener fashion, there were several shouts asking us if we were ready, telling us to get up/wake up/etc. but to their credit, they did get a decent crowd in front of them for their contemporary thrashings. We made the mistake of leaving Taking Dawn to watch Rise to Remain on the second stage, who's generic brand of metalcore-by-numbers was as stimulating as a small plastic carrier bag.

Hellyeah came out onto the main stage in the increasingly-awesome sunshine and proceeded to deliver an absolute beauty of a set. Their sleazey, hicktastic rock was delivered with the subtlety of a rubber mallet to the the back of the skull. Former Mudvayne frontman Chad Gray is an amazing vocalist and with the legendary Vinnie Paul on drums, who's mention of his brother Dimebag Darrell was exceptionally moving, it's hard to imagine anything other than perfection. Plus, these boys have some of the best beards in metal. Fact. Greg Tribbett's is unbelievable:


Atreyu and Flyleaf did a bit of an ol' switcharoo on the main stage so Atreyu came on first. Although drummer/vocalist Brandon Saller has shaved his head and looks like Alexi Sayle, there's no denying that the boys from Orange County deserve their slot here despite Alex Varkatzas humbly acknowledging that they should have been on the second stage. There wasn't a lot of new material in the set though, with the lion's share of the stuff coming from Lead Sails Paper Anchor, an album that failed to set the world on fire. Still, with the likes of Doomsday, Bleeding Mascara and the ever-popular Ex's and Oh's this was a thoroughly enjoyable experience.

Flyleaf are late on stage - in fact, Flyleaf have been late every time we've seen them. Bassist Pat Seals immediately jumps down into the security section, barges through the crowd control and gets straight into the fans. A good bit of showmanship. But frontwoman Lacey Moseley again fails to be particularly engaging. Don't get me wrong, they're a tight band but a bit distant when they're playing. No real interaction and a touch on the boring side. Still, they pleasingly yet predictably ended with I'm So Sick so it's not all bad.

Our next stop was, shock horror, the acoustic tent...

Since hearing their excellent debut album I've been looking forward to seeing Dommin live. But in true awesome Download style my expectations are met and exceeded with Dommin playing an acoustic set on Saturday and an electric one of Sunday's main stage.


The surprisingly chipper frontman Kristofer Dommin (I had a much more miserable gothic character in mind) sat on stage with the band's keyboard player Konstantine and proceeded to play a truly fantastic set. The electricity-less version of My Heart, Your Hands was (and this is a bit wet of me) beautiful.

From the chilled out, atmospheric warblings of Dommin we made our way to opinion-dividers Five Finger Death Punch, who are anything but melodic but always put on a quality live show. Ivan Moody's crowd interaction is first class but this performance took it to the next level. After explaining to to the security and crowd that they should be working together, he asked everybody to crowd surf to the front in an orderly fashion to shake his hand.

What followed was predictably total carnage, resulting in bodies all over the place and the plug getting pulled. Not before The Bleeding though, which finished off one of the most rock and roll performances of the day.

And then it happened. Lamb Of God, playing to their biggest ever crowd, came on and destroyed the stage, crowd, campsites, local woodland and my mum's house in Kent. Now You've Got Something to Die For, the Grammy-nominated Redneck, Laid To Rest; this was Pure Fucking Metal 101. Randy Blythe tried to get the world's biggest circle pit going and although I don't think it quite touched Devildriver's Download efforts, it was pretty close.

Blythe tells the crowd that whatever people say to us, we're all beautiful - clearly he's not seen the man in gold spandex hotpants - before closing the set with Black Label and leaving everyone speechless. What a show.

After being blown away by 5FDP and Lamb Of God, my expectations for the mighty Megadave...sorry, Megadeth...were high. As the thrash icons took the stage, led by Dave Mustaine's implausibly massive ginger hair, the crowd were clearly getting a bit excited. But as the set wore on, I was a bit underwhelmed. Yes, Headcrusher, Sweating Bullets and Symphony of Destruction are awesome songs and Mustaine's guitar work is pure genius but I didn't really 'feel' them today. Peace Sells was a slice of pure class though and it was a solid set but to be honest, nothing that made me climax.


Deftones then proceeded to kill the buzz in an epic way. They were just boring. I didn't get the point at all. Chino Moreno's voice was terrible and after about three songs, we had to leave. The main reason, apart from a sub-par performance from the nu-metal stalwarts is that HIM were on the second stage and as a total whore for this band, nothing was going to make me miss their set.

Hot Chick went off to Breed 77 and I stood at the back singing along with every HIM song like a horny teenage emo girl. Opening with Buried Alive By Love and love-metalling through the likes of Wings Of A Butterfly and Right Here In My Arms, Ville Valo and the boys were bang on tonight. Valo's voice was a bit crackly when they started but he soon warmed up and by the time the set finished with their cover of Sunday main stager Billy Idol's Rebel Yell, I was loving every minute of it.

I managed to see the end of Breed 77 which involved frontman Paul Isola saying that this festival isn't about AC/DC, it's about the musicians we've lost recently (perhaps a bit of venom directed towards AC/DC's rumoured £3m price tag for their headline slot?). He thanked us for not giving a fuck about the football (not strictly true) and proceeded to put on a brutal cover of The Cranberries' Zombie.

Then it was time for the main event. Rage Against The Machine, fresh off the back of their Finsbury Park free show to celebrate fucking up the X-Factor's constant Christmas number one slot, came out and went hard. Really hard. So hard in fact, that there were two crush injuries and the set had to be stopped and 100,000 people asked to take two steps backwards. I don't know what happened but hope no-one was seriously hurt.

Back onto the good stuff though. The crowd was like a big swelling sea of tattoos, odd hair and sweat as Bulls On Parade and Bombtrack punched us in the ear drums. But when that song, you know the one, came on the atmosphere was indescribable. Hearing tens of thousands of people screaming "FUCK YOU I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME!" was a true sight to behold. It rivalled last year's "jump the fuck up!" during Slipknot's Spit It Out.

So with one day left and experiencing what can only be described as the onset of rectal prolapse, on we go to day three...

Sunday, June 13th

The third and final day of Download 2010 opened with sunshine, beer and another bloody fantastic set by Dommin, including a version of Cutting Crew's I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight that got a good ol' sing song going in the weary and hungover crowd.



FM are a new band to me, although according to the Interwebosphere they're nearly as old as my good self. The set reminded me of Thunder's last year - sunshine, good old fashioned rock and roll and a helluva tight performance. We walked over to 3 Inches Of Blood on the second stage briefly but I just can't take singer Cam Pipes seriously. He sounds like the bastard child of Justin Hawkins and Zed from the Police Academy films. Back to FM it was.

The pure rocktastic main stage activity steamed on with Saxon coming out and playing the whole of their 1980 album Wheels Of Steel - as Biff Byford said, lots of anniversaries all round at Download this year. Cinderella followed and slowed the pace down a bit but again, with the sun beating down, they slotted into the day pretty well.

After applying another 30 litres of sun cream - actually, sun tan oil, which is the best would could find. It essentially bastes you so the sun can cook you without setting you on fire. And it stains the shit out of everything it comes into contact with. Anyway, Napalm Death. Pure British grind at it's absolute finest. Barney Greenway remains the consummate gentleman between bouts of brutality such as Suffer The Children and When All Is Said And Done. After addressing the crowd with "love and peace my friends", the Midlands mentallers chuck out Nazi Punks Fuck Off and leave.

There are certain moments over the course of a festival that you really have to be a part of; defining times that capture the whole spirit of the weekend, if you will. Seeing guitar icon Slash playing live is in itself, a wonderful thing, to be joined by Myles Kennedy is even better but to then play Sweet Child O' Mine and Paradise City is enough to make any metal, rock, and music fan in general soil themselves. This was a true 'where were you when...?' Download moment.

Then the rain started. When I say 'rain' I mean 'total complete pissing down like you've never seen' rain. After a long, arduous quest for waterproof clothing which I managed to procure from a hugely busy and subsequently happy stall, we enjoyed Billy Idol's unique brand of utter cheese and 80s classics. The loose-skinned wrinkle-meister was good fun but the atmosphere was marred by the onset of the most savage rain I've ever experienced.

But alas, the newly-opened heavens got too much. We needed to find shelter and as Whitechapel were on in the Pepsi Max stage tent we headed over just in time for them to finish with This Is Exile. No room at the inn for a couple of drowning folk though so off to to the Bedroom Jam stage tent. I wisely purchsed a couple of pints of Guinness to keep myself warm.

Whilst we may have been out of the rain in this tent, we were in some kind of despicable hell. Why? T-34. What a load of utter shit. Comedian Al Murray's band play sub-standard covers of karaoke classics like Whole Lotta Love. The most irritating thing I've seen in years. I've no idea if this was some kind of sick joke but why Andy Copping booked them is beyond me. Thankfully the pissing rain started to ease off a bit but not before a big chunk of the Download populace had left, leaving festival closers Aerosmith with only a fraction of the crowd that they should have had.

Steven Tyler might be one of the oldest people in the world and look like a praying mantis covered in leather but Christ on a bike that man can sing. They've got a massive back catalogue of anthems and chose some true winners - I wasn't expecting Dream On so was thoroughly impressed. Dancing like a total twat to Walk This Way in a muddy field was a special experience and even the nauseatingly overblown I Don't Want To Miss A Thing got me holding a lighter aloft. There was a sense that they'd have preferred a few more thousand bodies in front of them but with the weather suggesting the onset of apocalypse, plus the fact that most metallers aren't like the grubby hippies at Glastonbury who enjoy bathing in mud, it was a solid turnout of tens of thousands.



And with that, Download 2010 came to an end and what can I say? It was yet again an insurmountably awesome experience. The music, the endless beers, the sunshine up until the final afternoon, the people; it's enough to make me emotional. Almost.

My round up and closing comments, plus videos of some of the highlights, to come this Friday so stay tuned...

Friday, 11 June 2010

Let's do this...

The day is upon us folks. In a matter of minutes I shall be joining the exodus of the great unwashed from civilised society to the hallowed grounds of Donnington Park. In case you weren't aware, a few music fans are having a wee get together up there to listen to some bands.

But before me and Hot Chick straddle the Harley and burn off into the sunset (and by that I mean trundle round the M25 in our rented Nissan) there are a couple of things that need to be mentioned.

Firstly, how fucking good is Iron Maiden's new song, El Dorado? Hmm?? I'll tell you how good. Fucking good. The first time I listened to it I thought to myself "it's good but is is MAIDEN good?". Bruce Dickinson's vocals sounded a bit clean (but that's more than likely down to the fact that I've listened to Live After Death about 16,829 times) but as soon as he hits his high notes and the undeniably Maiden triple axe attack gets into full flow it's apparent that you're still listening to the greatest heavy metal band of all time. Not bad considering their combined ages is comparable to that of the Great Sphinx, the Dead Sea Scrolls and Esther Rantzen.

We've also been treated to new material from Stone Sour's forthcoming third album, Audio Secrecy. Tracks The Bitter End and Mission Statement hint that Corey Taylor and the boys are going down a more melodic route, with much less growling and chugging riffs this time round. This being said, they'll grow their fanbase with this album if these tracks are anything to go by. The metally metallic metallers won't be won over in the slightest though. One criticism I have (which will make me unpopular with my better half) is what the fuck are they thinking with the titles? Audio Secrecy is a crap album title, The Bitter End has been done by Black Stone Cherry and Placebo off the top of my head, and I should imagine countless others too. And Mission Statement? It's almost like they couldn't be arsed. But that is a small, insignificant issue in the grand scheme of things. Cannot fucking wait to hear the new album and see them at Download 2010. Nightmarish clash with Aerosmith though...

Right, why am I still waffling? I've got 500 pints of Tuborg to drink. Oh, and in my typically shameless self-promoting way, log on to Download Festival Radio this weekend as Download FM has kindly asked me to write a blog for them. And if you're not already following me on Twitter, do so (click the logo at the top of the page). Be warned though; I will be drinking a lot so am liable to be talking bollocks. For a change.

Onwards to the metal!

'Taters
M
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Friday, 4 June 2010

'D' is for...well, lots of things

Am I the only person who plays air drum blast beats when walking past people using pneumatic drills?

Today's Metal Harmony is brought to you by the letter 'D'. The first 'D' is for Dommin. I can't get enough of Dommin's debut album Love is Gone at the moment. The mixture of church bells, synthesizers, quality riffs and Kristofer Dommin's haunting vocals creates the album you'd get if HIM's Love Metal got knocked up by Type O Negative's Bloody Kisses. I don't want to get too excited but Dommin has the potential to fill the 6'8" hole Pete Steele left in metal. Hopefully he won't do an eye-ruining Playgirl shoot though.

At the other end of the metal spectrum, my next 'D' is for Dyscarnate. I saw these boys supporting Wormrot and was impressed but fuck me with a lawnmower, Enduring The Massacre is a truly monstrous death metal album. Tom Whitty and Henry Bates's dual vocals are ear-shredding, and this lump of savagery is currently sitting in my top ten of the year. There's going to have to be some sphincter-quivering brilliance crossing my path for it not to remain there.

My final 'D' is for disappointment. Only in the crowd, mind. Trigger The Bloodshed graced my lowly home town last week and the best we could do was a crowd of about 20. Scottish newbies Bleed From Within brought the support and despite the typically scenetastic hair and full sleeve adorning vocalist Scott Kennedy, these lads could make some noise. Playing to no more than 10 people, they went hard and went fast, and did a fucking good job. I'm a big fan of their "Death To All But REAL Metal" t-shirt, and now have a BFW poster on my wall of a Scandinavian metaller with a flying V and corpse paint beheading a character who bears more than a passing resemblance to Steel Panther's Satchel. They're not massive fans of the comedy 80s hair metal clowns, it seems.

Trigger were typically excellent and Jonny Burgan is developing into a formidable frontman. He breaks his neck windmilling, clambers over the amps, shouts at the crowd, and generally acts as a true spokesman for the Trigger cartel. This gig was only a warm up for their headline tour but they still played with the ferocity and sheer savage metalness that I've come to expect. I spoke to Jonny after the gig about the turn out. He shrugged his shoulders and was diplomatic about the whole thing, proving that these boys aren't full of themselves; they know they have to play the shitty venues and shitty crowds to get their name out there and they're not scared to do just that. Thank fuck, or they wouldn't come to my neck of the woods.

And with the glorious sun burning my hungover eyes, I'm off to regret mixing Guinness and vodka yet again.

Adieu scumbags,

M
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Friday, 28 May 2010

A tribute to the fallen

I like to keep Metal Harmony a relatively light, jovial read but every now and again, serious stuff happens. Please note, I don't care if you've already read a million tribute-esque articles; this is going to be mine. And it's a very personal thing.

Earlier this year, Mike Alexander of UK thrashers Evile passed away. Evile are a phenomenal thrash outfit and are rightly praised for their quality tuneage. Mike's untimely death shocked metallers around the world. R.I.P.

Pete Steele, frontman and bassist of goth metal legends Type O Negative then passed away. I feel terrible about previously questioning the legitimacy of his death but now I know it's the real thing, I'm a sad mother fucker. When I first heard Wolf Moon about thirteen years ago, I was completely drawn in by Steele's haunting-yet-soothing vocals and the chugging riffs, and loved the epic nature of the lyrics. I only ever saw Type O live on one occasion, and although they fucking sucked, my admiration for the band will always remain.

Then, of course, Ronnie James Dio. Despite the mainstream press simply referring to Dio as "that bloke that invented the horns", the metal media has been swamped in touching tributes to a man who changed a million lives. For me, it's said best here.

And most recently, bassist and founder member of Slipknot, Paul Gray, sadly passed away. This one hit me hardest as Slipknot are one of the most important bands in my life. Yes, I'm nearly 30, but when I picked up their first album a decade ago my life changed. If you deny the impact of Slipknot on music, you are a dick and I'd thank you never to read anything I write ever again. The album took the radio-friendly nu-metal genre and abused it in an 18-legged gang bang. The theatre surrounding Slipknot's stage show (vomiting in their masks, throwing shit...actual shit..at each other on stage) may seem contrived now but back then, it was making headlines and upsetting parents all over the place. And didn't we love it?!

Slipknot, for me, define a whole generation of metallers and seeing them at Download 2009 headline the main stage was an emotional experience. Anyone who's jumped the fuck up during Spit It Out will appreciate the impact of doing it with umpteen thousand others at the UK's biggest rock and metal festival (my view of it all here). Plus the band were so fucking grateful to be where they were.

All I can say is that I'm happy Paul Gray got to see Slipknot reach the heights they deserve.

Metal has lost some icons but all those who are saying things like "oh, why couldn't it be [insert pop starlet here]" need to sort themselves out. Wishing death upon others is not cool. Death fucking sucks.

Here endeth a sombre moment. Now go and listen to metal very, very loudly, drink a beer, raise your horns and celebrate the lives of our fallen brethren.

M
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Friday, 14 May 2010

Earache, stomach ache, general aches

Yesterday was a good day. I spent a couple of hours with Wormrot and it has to be said; what a thoroughly lovely bunch of blokes. The interview will be up on MetalsFuck in the next week or so, it's worth a read. Of course I would say that as I'm a shameless, self-promoting whore.

Supporting Wormrot were British death metallers Dyscarnate who were playing their first live performance as a three piece having recently lost a guitarist, plus launching their new album Enduring The Massacre. No pressure then. Vocalist/guitarist Tom Whitty, although a solid-looking bastard, was pretty quiet and mildly spoken pre-gig. I bought my copy of the album despite having no idea what to expect (support music folks) but if it's anything like the live performance, it's £10 well spent. Raw, harsh, pure fucking metal. Go to their MySpace and check it out.

So thanks to Earache for sorting yesterday out. Despite the fact I now have an absolute thundercunt of a hangover, it's was time well spent.

Time to spare a though for the late Pete Steele. The Type O Negative frontman died a month ago and I feel a bit of an arsehole for taking it with a pinch of salt. After all, It's not as if he hasn't died before, and calling the last album Dead Again (fair enough, that was a 2007 release) is a bit suspicious. All this aside, the guy way a legendary trailblazer of thoroughly miserable music and goths all over the world are more depressed than usual after his passing.

R.I.P Pete Steele (January 4, 1962 – April 14, 2010)

On a more positive note, I suggest you all go and listen to the new Arma Gathas album Dead To This World. Thrashing hardcore loveliness; I'm a big fan.

Now I need to go and eat something substantial lest last night's Guinness gets the better of my poor guts.

Bye monkeys

M
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Friday, 7 May 2010

I'm not gay. Much.

I'm an enormous wimp. I'm absolutely terrified of the latest HIM album. I just can't listen to it.

HIM are one of my all-time favourite bands. I've seen them live shit loads of times, I spent about 6 months continuously listening to nothing other than Razorblade Romance and Love Metal, I'm convinced that I'll have The Sacrament played at my funeral and Hot Chick firmly believes I'm fully gay for Ville Valo. But all in the garden is rosy. I dutifully bought Venus Doom on release day in 2007 and was uninspired. It felt over-produced, weak, and didn't have any tunes with the raw passion of Razorblade Kiss or the seminal Buried Alive By Love.

So following on from this mild disappointment, I've been avoiding the latest album, Screamworks: Love In Theory & Practice since it's release as I don't want it to be the album that seals HIM's fate as a band passed their best. The couple of tracks I have heard are good but haven't erected me trouserly. However, as this week saw me celebrating the day of my birth, Bro Dude procured Screamworks... for me and insisted I give it a listen.

I haven't yet. I'm just too scared. After the recent abomination that was Throwdown's Deathless, I'm not sure my delicate psyche can take another blow.

Anyway, my mate Melvin has been preaching the gospel about US duo Cobalt for ages now. The band haven't been on my radar but he swears that Gin is one of the best black metal albums of 2009. It's a bold claim Melv (Behemoth's Evangelion might have a shot at that title) but I shall be digesting it with a critical ear imminently.

To finish on a tangent, well done to everyone in the UK who voted in the general election. It looks as if the bloody Tories are going to get in but nevertheless, if you went out and put your "x" in a box for any political party, good on you.

Right, I'm off to deposit last night's ale excess into David Cameron's pricey loafers.

Snogs,

M
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Friday, 30 April 2010

It's not just metal

*Warning: the first couple of paragraphs are not about metal*

I've said it before but I'll say it again; metal has some fucking odd genres, usually made up by over- imaginative PRs and journalists. However, whilst engaging in conversation with some of my non-metal colleagues I was introduced to a couple of real beauties in their world; 'aquacrunk' and 'purple'. Purple? That's just silly. Being a fan of a broad spectrum of music though I dutifully scoured the International Webosphere for example of these genres and what I discovered was, well, uninspiring and a bit shit.

However, my time was rewarded whilst researching 'donk'. Donk is essentially an onomatopoeic word used to describe music made by teenagers in tracksuits in the North of England, who then rap over it in regional accents. This is without a doubt the funniest thing I've heard since a bloke in my office suggested Kings Of Leon were metal; take a look for yourselves (stick with it, it just gets better and better)

Moving away from donk, let's get back to proper music. I've got an interview with Singapore grinders Wormrot in a couple of weeks for Metal as Fuck courtesy of our friends at Earache so if there is anything you'd particularly like to know, post it on here and I'll see what I can do. Bearing in mind they're described as 'abusive grindcore', questions about their favourite way to spend a Sunday and which celebrities they have crushes on won't make the cut. I'm also planning to force myself upon Trigger The Bloodshed (in an interview sense, not a genitals-to-anus sense) later this month so any questions for those boys too, let a brother know.

On a serious note, I'm sure both of my regular readers will join me in wishing Bret Michaels a speedy recovery. The Poison front man has had a real run of it - after smashing his face in on the set at the Tony Awards, then needing emergency surgery on his appendix, he is now recovering in hospital after suffering a massive brain hemorrhage. All reports suggest his condition is improving. All the best, you formerly massive haired, devilishly handsome son of a gun.

So with the sun shining and the weekend merely a working day away, I bid you adieu.

Have a good one
M
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Friday, 23 April 2010

My home town wins

Apologies for the lack of Metal Harmony last week but due to some massive hill hammering shit-filled smoke into the sky, me and Hot Chick got stuck in Italy.

I say 'stuck' but to be honest, six nights free accommodation including breakfast and dinner ain't exactly a struggle.

One of the thing I noticed about Italy though was the distinct lack of obvious metal/metallers. I wasn't expecting to see everyone walking around in Lacuna Coil t-shirts but still, with most towns and cities there'll be at least one small group of scumbags resplendent in metal colours. Instead, I counted two Misfits, one Exploited, one Immortal and one Dream Theater t-shirt in eight days. Extraordinary.

Sick Of It All were fucking devastating when I saw them a couple of weeks back, thanks for asking. Me, Si-KO and Danny Hurt Process filed in as the place was rammed with every type of punk and reprobate for a 100-mile radius. Despite the pit having a fair few gaps, stage diving was a necessity (although the bloke who Superman'd in from the stage, missed and landed on his neck may have wanted to reconsider). Songs like Built To Last, Step Down and the unbeatable Scratch The Surface blew me away. And best of all, they looked like they were having a fucking riot. Lou Koller's constant smile helped to create a truly epic atmosphere for these hardcore legends. The bruises and various amounts of blood spatter were well and truly worth it. Good work boys, good work.

It was great to see our little local venue finally delivering the crowd we knew it could. Hopefully this means we'll continue to get some big names down there. With Madball, Malefice and SOIA in the last few months, plus regular performances from the UK Subs and a late-May slot filled by Trigger The Bloodshed, it looks like happy days ahead.

Until next time you beautiful freaks

M

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Friday, 9 April 2010

You might hate me for this

I really don't get Steel Panther. Actually, let me rephrase; I got Steel Panther. I laughed at Death To All But Metal, I saw them live, it was humorous, we all smiled and guffawed, and a merry time was had by all. The bit I don't understand is why the fuck they're still here?

I'm not trying to be deliberately controversial as they are talented musicians but really? With the hilarious 80's schtick and comedy blowjob gags? Is no-one else bored of this yet? Am I some kind of freak? I'm genuinely bemused as to why these guys are still getting air time.

Unfortunately the Steel Panther situation has put me in a bit of a ranty mood so apologies. Or not. Actually, not. Fuck off.

The other band in the "should love but don't" pile this week is Airbourne. Before you start crying and scouring forums for a scathing insult, hear me out. Airbourne sound a bit like AC/DC, the way that Iron Maiden sound a bit like Iron Maiden. I've seen them live (granted, it was at a festival) and they were a great rock and roll band but I have issues. They've rocketed up the popularity rankings pretty quickly and I can't help but feel the metal community will turn on them. When Trivium came along, they experienced huge success in a relatively short period of time, so all the old school metal elite thought "actually, these cunts can fuck off, we don't like them any more as they got too big too quick and sound like Metallica".

I get the feeling Airbourne will soon get the same shit off of the same people; "hang on, they sound like AC/DC. I withdraw my support and shall blog furiously about how shit and unoriginal they are whilst sacrificing my first born to Manowar".

I may be wrong but I reckon Airbourne will be shot down soon in the not too distant future (pun intended).

Oh, festival update:
Download - no announcement
Sonisphere - amongst others, Sick Of It All, Europe, Therapy (playing Troublegum in full)

Sonisphere wins this week in a friggin' epic way. That Therapy set is almost enough to make my genitals vomit.

Let's end on a high - me and a few of the chaps are off to see Sick Of It All tomorrow and I'm about nine hours away from a week off work. That, my friends, is what's known in the business as a 'fucking result'.

Ta ta

M
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Friday, 2 April 2010

One Million Beers

There are certain things at which metallers aren't very good; washing regularly, accepting that Slayer can't headline every festival every year, dancing to R&B, and so on. However, there are also things at which we excel, one of which is drinking.

Wine, Jaegermeister, vodka - all staples of the metal way. But king upon kings has to be beer. Drinking a good pint of beer whilst watching a live metal band is the emotional equivalent of a Christian giving Jesus a handjob; it's an intensely epic experience.

With this in mind, and fueled by some of this magical liquid, I was chatting to Biodagar and Goatlady (editor of MetalasFuck and uber-metal MaF contributer respectively) about who could drink the most, drink the hardest, and so on. Clearly being Australian, they're used to shit weak beer and little else. Those of you who are bored enough to read this blog regularly will know I'm always going on about having had a million beers and enjoy a solid pint of Guinness, farty English ales, etc. I thought we should make something of this. The mental Aussies agreed.

An lo, with Biodagar and Goatlady's technical wizardry, One Million Beers For Metal was born. If you're at a gig, party, festival, whatever, and you're smashing a beer, take a photo and send it to us. Our aim is simple - photos of one million beers being consumed in the name of metal. There's a Flickr group, the official website is here and we want you all to get involved. The UK obviously has the best beers so will no doubt have the most submissions so get stuck in.

Think you're metal, eh? Get your ugly mug on the site then.*

*Please note: drink responsibly as I don't want your parents contacting me and complaining that you drank yourself to death like a complete fucking pussy

Now go enjoy Easter. Celebrate the time that Jesus died, then got reborn in a chocolate egg which turned into a large bunny.

Much love

M
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Friday, 26 March 2010

Trivium are better than you

A good friend of mine once told me that seeing Whitechapel live would make me shit. Last week I had the opportunity to find out for myself and whilst I didn't physically manufacture any hard farts, I could feel a definite wobbling of the colon.

With Trivium headlining and Chimaira in the second slot, Whitechapel had the unenviable task of opening. I got ready in the only way I know how; by standing at the bar and pounding beers with Killerleah (this was her first metal show at a proper venue but her second Trivium experience) before Hot Chick turned up. The barmaid felt the need to tell me I was the oldest person they'd seen there. Cheers.

Whitechapel came out and immediately went so fucking hard it was unbelievable. After one song the room had started to fill and there was a mental circle pit, stuff was flying all over the shop; it's the first time I've seen an opening band get this kind of response. Lead singer Phil Bozeman isn't the biggest bloke in the world but the noise he makes is bloody horrific. Chimaira had to play an absolute blinder to follow them. Thankfully they did, and the inevitable but epic sing-a-long during Resurrection caused me to sustain a pretty handsome rock-on.

Being a Trivium fan, I've always thought their live shows are shit hot but let's be honest; there's no fucking way they can compete with Whitechapel and Chimaira in terms of heaviness. Incorrect, you penises! Matt Heafy, with his enormous face/hair combo, has stopped pussying out of the screaming vocals (although Corey Beaulieu does add a bit of extra meat when necessary) and has reinstated his position as a solid frontman.

I couldn't resist getting stuck in so stripped down to the ol' vest and got involved. The pit was packed; it was hard to get a circle going but we metallers are a dedicated bunch. I was also pretty impressed by the amount of younglings going over the top during Like Light To Flies with little or no regard for their beautiful hair. My second crowd surf was somewhat hindered when fucking Moses turned up and parted the crowd, leading me to fall and land on my elbows. That was an enjoyable feeling.

It was one of the best gigs I've been to in many moons. Three bands with very different sounds, all one top form, epically sweaty pit, crowd surfing, a million beers, partial nudity, almost having a little cry when I smashed my bones into the floor; what more do you want? Huh? Exactly.

I'm off to try and shake this hangover. Can't decide if I'm going to puke or shit myself. Whichever, should probably find a toilet.

Ciao slutbags

M

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