A tribute to the fallen

I like to keep Metal Harmony a relatively light, jovial read but every now and again, serious stuff happens. Please note, I don't care if you've already read a million tribute-esque articles; this is going to be mine. And it's a very personal thing.

Earlier this year, Mike Alexander of UK thrashers Evile passed away. Evile are a phenomenal thrash outfit and are rightly praised for their quality tuneage. Mike's untimely death shocked metallers around the world. R.I.P.

Pete Steele, frontman and bassist of goth metal legends Type O Negative then passed away. I feel terrible about previously questioning the legitimacy of his death but now I know it's the real thing, I'm a sad mother fucker. When I first heard Wolf Moon about thirteen years ago, I was completely drawn in by Steele's haunting-yet-soothing vocals and the chugging riffs, and loved the epic nature of the lyrics. I only ever saw Type O live on one occasion, and although they fucking sucked, my admiration for the band will always remain.

Then, of course, Ronnie James Dio. Despite the mainstream press simply referring to Dio as "that bloke that invented the horns", the metal media has been swamped in touching tributes to a man who changed a million lives. For me, it's said best here.

And most recently, bassist and founder member of Slipknot, Paul Gray, sadly passed away. This one hit me hardest as Slipknot are one of the most important bands in my life. Yes, I'm nearly 30, but when I picked up their first album a decade ago my life changed. If you deny the impact of Slipknot on music, you are a dick and I'd thank you never to read anything I write ever again. The album took the radio-friendly nu-metal genre and abused it in an 18-legged gang bang. The theatre surrounding Slipknot's stage show (vomiting in their masks, throwing shit...actual shit..at each other on stage) may seem contrived now but back then, it was making headlines and upsetting parents all over the place. And didn't we love it?!

Slipknot, for me, define a whole generation of metallers and seeing them at Download 2009 headline the main stage was an emotional experience. Anyone who's jumped the fuck up during Spit It Out will appreciate the impact of doing it with umpteen thousand others at the UK's biggest rock and metal festival (my view of it all here). Plus the band were so fucking grateful to be where they were.

All I can say is that I'm happy Paul Gray got to see Slipknot reach the heights they deserve.

Metal has lost some icons but all those who are saying things like "oh, why couldn't it be [insert pop starlet here]" need to sort themselves out. Wishing death upon others is not cool. Death fucking sucks.

Here endeth a sombre moment. Now go and listen to metal very, very loudly, drink a beer, raise your horns and celebrate the lives of our fallen brethren.

M
\m/

Earache, stomach ache, general aches

Yesterday was a good day. I spent a couple of hours with Wormrot and it has to be said; what a thoroughly lovely bunch of blokes. The interview will be up on MetalsFuck in the next week or so, it's worth a read. Of course I would say that as I'm a shameless, self-promoting whore.

Supporting Wormrot were British death metallers Dyscarnate who were playing their first live performance as a three piece having recently lost a guitarist, plus launching their new album Enduring The Massacre. No pressure then. Vocalist/guitarist Tom Whitty, although a solid-looking bastard, was pretty quiet and mildly spoken pre-gig. I bought my copy of the album despite having no idea what to expect (support music folks) but if it's anything like the live performance, it's £10 well spent. Raw, harsh, pure fucking metal. Go to their MySpace and check it out.

So thanks to Earache for sorting yesterday out. Despite the fact I now have an absolute thundercunt of a hangover, it's was time well spent.

Time to spare a though for the late Pete Steele. The Type O Negative frontman died a month ago and I feel a bit of an arsehole for taking it with a pinch of salt. After all, It's not as if he hasn't died before, and calling the last album Dead Again (fair enough, that was a 2007 release) is a bit suspicious. All this aside, the guy way a legendary trailblazer of thoroughly miserable music and goths all over the world are more depressed than usual after his passing.

R.I.P Pete Steele (January 4, 1962 – April 14, 2010)

On a more positive note, I suggest you all go and listen to the new Arma Gathas album Dead To This World. Thrashing hardcore loveliness; I'm a big fan.

Now I need to go and eat something substantial lest last night's Guinness gets the better of my poor guts.

Bye monkeys

M
\m/

I'm not gay. Much.

I'm an enormous wimp. I'm absolutely terrified of the latest HIM album. I just can't listen to it.

HIM are one of my all-time favourite bands. I've seen them live shit loads of times, I spent about 6 months continuously listening to nothing other than Razorblade Romance and Love Metal, I'm convinced that I'll have The Sacrament played at my funeral and Hot Chick firmly believes I'm fully gay for Ville Valo. But all in the garden is rosy. I dutifully bought Venus Doom on release day in 2007 and was uninspired. It felt over-produced, weak, and didn't have any tunes with the raw passion of Razorblade Kiss or the seminal Buried Alive By Love.

So following on from this mild disappointment, I've been avoiding the latest album, Screamworks: Love In Theory & Practice since it's release as I don't want it to be the album that seals HIM's fate as a band passed their best. The couple of tracks I have heard are good but haven't erected me trouserly. However, as this week saw me celebrating the day of my birth, Bro Dude procured Screamworks... for me and insisted I give it a listen.

I haven't yet. I'm just too scared. After the recent abomination that was Throwdown's Deathless, I'm not sure my delicate psyche can take another blow.

Anyway, my mate Melvin has been preaching the gospel about US duo Cobalt for ages now. The band haven't been on my radar but he swears that Gin is one of the best black metal albums of 2009. It's a bold claim Melv (Behemoth's Evangelion might have a shot at that title) but I shall be digesting it with a critical ear imminently.

To finish on a tangent, well done to everyone in the UK who voted in the general election. It looks as if the bloody Tories are going to get in but nevertheless, if you went out and put your "x" in a box for any political party, good on you.

Right, I'm off to deposit last night's ale excess into David Cameron's pricey loafers.

Snogs,

M
\m/

It's not just metal

*Warning: the first couple of paragraphs are not about metal*

I've said it before but I'll say it again; metal has some fucking odd genres, usually made up by over- imaginative PRs and journalists. However, whilst engaging in conversation with some of my non-metal colleagues I was introduced to a couple of real beauties in their world; 'aquacrunk' and 'purple'. Purple? That's just silly. Being a fan of a broad spectrum of music though I dutifully scoured the International Webosphere for example of these genres and what I discovered was, well, uninspiring and a bit shit.

However, my time was rewarded whilst researching 'donk'. Donk is essentially an onomatopoeic word used to describe music made by teenagers in tracksuits in the North of England, who then rap over it in regional accents. This is without a doubt the funniest thing I've heard since a bloke in my office suggested Kings Of Leon were metal; take a look for yourselves (stick with it, it just gets better and better)

Moving away from donk, let's get back to proper music. I've got an interview with Singapore grinders Wormrot in a couple of weeks for Metal as Fuck courtesy of our friends at Earache so if there is anything you'd particularly like to know, post it on here and I'll see what I can do. Bearing in mind they're described as 'abusive grindcore', questions about their favourite way to spend a Sunday and which celebrities they have crushes on won't make the cut. I'm also planning to force myself upon Trigger The Bloodshed (in an interview sense, not a genitals-to-anus sense) later this month so any questions for those boys too, let a brother know.

On a serious note, I'm sure both of my regular readers will join me in wishing Bret Michaels a speedy recovery. The Poison front man has had a real run of it - after smashing his face in on the set at the Tony Awards, then needing emergency surgery on his appendix, he is now recovering in hospital after suffering a massive brain hemorrhage. All reports suggest his condition is improving. All the best, you formerly massive haired, devilishly handsome son of a gun.

So with the sun shining and the weekend merely a working day away, I bid you adieu.

Have a good one
M
\m/

My home town wins

Apologies for the lack of Metal Harmony last week but due to some massive hill hammering shit-filled smoke into the sky, me and Hot Chick got stuck in Italy.

I say 'stuck' but to be honest, six nights free accommodation including breakfast and dinner ain't exactly a struggle.

One of the thing I noticed about Italy though was the distinct lack of obvious metal/metallers. I wasn't expecting to see everyone walking around in Lacuna Coil t-shirts but still, with most towns and cities there'll be at least one small group of scumbags resplendent in metal colours. Instead, I counted two Misfits, one Exploited, one Immortal and one Dream Theater t-shirt in eight days. Extraordinary.

Sick Of It All were fucking devastating when I saw them a couple of weeks back, thanks for asking. Me, Si-KO and Danny Hurt Process filed in as the place was rammed with every type of punk and reprobate for a 100-mile radius. Despite the pit having a fair few gaps, stage diving was a necessity (although the bloke who Superman'd in from the stage, missed and landed on his neck may have wanted to reconsider). Songs like Built To Last, Step Down and the unbeatable Scratch The Surface blew me away. And best of all, they looked like they were having a fucking riot. Lou Koller's constant smile helped to create a truly epic atmosphere for these hardcore legends. The bruises and various amounts of blood spatter were well and truly worth it. Good work boys, good work.

It was great to see our little local venue finally delivering the crowd we knew it could. Hopefully this means we'll continue to get some big names down there. With Madball, Malefice and SOIA in the last few months, plus regular performances from the UK Subs and a late-May slot filled by Trigger The Bloodshed, it looks like happy days ahead.

Until next time you beautiful freaks

M

\m/

You might hate me for this

I really don't get Steel Panther. Actually, let me rephrase; I got Steel Panther. I laughed at Death To All But Metal, I saw them live, it was humorous, we all smiled and guffawed, and a merry time was had by all. The bit I don't understand is why the fuck they're still here?

I'm not trying to be deliberately controversial as they are talented musicians but really? With the hilarious 80's schtick and comedy blowjob gags? Is no-one else bored of this yet? Am I some kind of freak? I'm genuinely bemused as to why these guys are still getting air time.

Unfortunately the Steel Panther situation has put me in a bit of a ranty mood so apologies. Or not. Actually, not. Fuck off.

The other band in the "should love but don't" pile this week is Airbourne. Before you start crying and scouring forums for a scathing insult, hear me out. Airbourne sound a bit like AC/DC, the way that Iron Maiden sound a bit like Iron Maiden. I've seen them live (granted, it was at a festival) and they were a great rock and roll band but I have issues. They've rocketed up the popularity rankings pretty quickly and I can't help but feel the metal community will turn on them. When Trivium came along, they experienced huge success in a relatively short period of time, so all the old school metal elite thought "actually, these cunts can fuck off, we don't like them any more as they got too big too quick and sound like Metallica".

I get the feeling Airbourne will soon get the same shit off of the same people; "hang on, they sound like AC/DC. I withdraw my support and shall blog furiously about how shit and unoriginal they are whilst sacrificing my first born to Manowar".

I may be wrong but I reckon Airbourne will be shot down soon in the not too distant future (pun intended).

Oh, festival update:
Download - no announcement
Sonisphere - amongst others, Sick Of It All, Europe, Therapy (playing Troublegum in full)

Sonisphere wins this week in a friggin' epic way. That Therapy set is almost enough to make my genitals vomit.

Let's end on a high - me and a few of the chaps are off to see Sick Of It All tomorrow and I'm about nine hours away from a week off work. That, my friends, is what's known in the business as a 'fucking result'.

Ta ta

M
\m/

One Million Beers

There are certain things at which metallers aren't very good; washing regularly, accepting that Slayer can't headline every festival every year, dancing to R&B, and so on. However, there are also things at which we excel, one of which is drinking.

Wine, Jaegermeister, vodka - all staples of the metal way. But king upon kings has to be beer. Drinking a good pint of beer whilst watching a live metal band is the emotional equivalent of a Christian giving Jesus a handjob; it's an intensely epic experience.

With this in mind, and fueled by some of this magical liquid, I was chatting to Biodagar and Goatlady (editor of MetalasFuck and uber-metal MaF contributer respectively) about who could drink the most, drink the hardest, and so on. Clearly being Australian, they're used to shit weak beer and little else. Those of you who are bored enough to read this blog regularly will know I'm always going on about having had a million beers and enjoy a solid pint of Guinness, farty English ales, etc. I thought we should make something of this. The mental Aussies agreed.

An lo, with Biodagar and Goatlady's technical wizardry, One Million Beers For Metal was born. If you're at a gig, party, festival, whatever, and you're smashing a beer, take a photo and send it to us. Our aim is simple - photos of one million beers being consumed in the name of metal. There's a Flickr group, the official website is here and we want you all to get involved. The UK obviously has the best beers so will no doubt have the most submissions so get stuck in.

Think you're metal, eh? Get your ugly mug on the site then.*

*Please note: drink responsibly as I don't want your parents contacting me and complaining that you drank yourself to death like a complete fucking pussy

Now go enjoy Easter. Celebrate the time that Jesus died, then got reborn in a chocolate egg which turned into a large bunny.

Much love

M
\m/

Trivium are better than you

A good friend of mine once told me that seeing Whitechapel live would make me shit. Last week I had the opportunity to find out for myself and whilst I didn't physically manufacture any hard farts, I could feel a definite wobbling of the colon.

With Trivium headlining and Chimaira in the second slot, Whitechapel had the unenviable task of opening. I got ready in the only way I know how; by standing at the bar and pounding beers with Killerleah (this was her first metal show at a proper venue but her second Trivium experience) before Hot Chick turned up. The barmaid felt the need to tell me I was the oldest person they'd seen there. Cheers.

Whitechapel came out and immediately went so fucking hard it was unbelievable. After one song the room had started to fill and there was a mental circle pit, stuff was flying all over the shop; it's the first time I've seen an opening band get this kind of response. Lead singer Phil Bozeman isn't the biggest bloke in the world but the noise he makes is bloody horrific. Chimaira had to play an absolute blinder to follow them. Thankfully they did, and the inevitable but epic sing-a-long during Resurrection caused me to sustain a pretty handsome rock-on.

Being a Trivium fan, I've always thought their live shows are shit hot but let's be honest; there's no fucking way they can compete with Whitechapel and Chimaira in terms of heaviness. Incorrect, you penises! Matt Heafy, with his enormous face/hair combo, has stopped pussying out of the screaming vocals (although Corey Beaulieu does add a bit of extra meat when necessary) and has reinstated his position as a solid frontman.

I couldn't resist getting stuck in so stripped down to the ol' vest and got involved. The pit was packed; it was hard to get a circle going but we metallers are a dedicated bunch. I was also pretty impressed by the amount of younglings going over the top during Like Light To Flies with little or no regard for their beautiful hair. My second crowd surf was somewhat hindered when fucking Moses turned up and parted the crowd, leading me to fall and land on my elbows. That was an enjoyable feeling.

It was one of the best gigs I've been to in many moons. Three bands with very different sounds, all one top form, epically sweaty pit, crowd surfing, a million beers, partial nudity, almost having a little cry when I smashed my bones into the floor; what more do you want? Huh? Exactly.

I'm off to try and shake this hangover. Can't decide if I'm going to puke or shit myself. Whichever, should probably find a toilet.

Ciao slutbags

M

\m/

Local mental

I had a pang of pride this week as I witnessed some local talent destroying the stage as support for Malefice. Local boys Gokken opened proceedings and whilst the singer's voice was nothing extraordinary, they were musically tight and a decent start to proceedings. Incidentally, 'gokken' is the Japanese word for 'gulp' and is essentially porn in which women (or men) drink large quantities of semen. Found that out through Google. At work.

Gokken were followed by Avarice Rising. This local six-piece have two lead singers which although not particularly rare, one of these guys really blew me away. Chris stands about 5ft 6inches with terrible salon hair, a plaid shirt and white flesh tunnels. This mellow-voiced fellow opened his mouth the unleash one of the most brutal live vocals I've heard. From horrific screams to full on death grunts, the guy was amazing. Once off stage, I asked him where the fuck the voice came from, to which he just cocked his head to one side, smiled sweetly and said "I've just got demons inside me", before walking off. An intriguing dude.

Final band Reasonable Doubt brought a nice slab of metallic hardcore to the table, particularly drummer James who was a complete animal. Fantastic double kick work and impressive blastbeats, all in all tight as fuck.

I was lucky enough to catch up with Dale Butler from Malefice before the Reading boys the stage. He was milling around, manning the merch stand and watching the support bands intently so we grabbed a few minutes to chat. The full interview and review will be on MetalasFuck in the next few days but the general gist was that Malefice take what they do incredibly seriously and when they take the stage, this is pretty bloody obvious.

In other nooz, Iron Maiden have confirmed their North American tour with Dream Theatre which quite simply has to come to the UK or I shall start crying and go on a rampage. I've never been an enormous Dream Theatre fan but having seen them at Download (either last year or 2008, can't remember to be honest) I can fully appreciate their progressive musings. I hear Maiden are good live too...

A major criticism I have this week is of BBC 6Music. Last week I was singing it's praises and encouraging it's survival; this sentiment remains but I also think it's important that they get a little slap. They compiled a survey to decide on the thirty best guitarists of the last thirty years. I know this kind of survey is always contentious and people will always bitch, but if your going to include Kirk Hammett, how in the name of my low-hanging left bollock can you omit Dave Mustaine? That's like Jerry Springer being ahead of Oprah Winfrey in a 'Best Rich Chubby Black Female American Talk Show Host' competition. And I must have missed something for Jack White to be there so if anyone could explain I would genuinely appreciate it.

Plus, no Yngwie Malmsteen? Have a word!

Time to go. Check out the three local bands in my Cool Shit list, you won't be disappointed. Well, you might but that really is no concern of mine.

M
\m/

Wormgrind?

After the abomination that was February's gig attendance, I'm hoping March is going to be less of a catastrophic failure. This month I'm lucky enough to have British metallers Malefice playing about a ten minute walk from my house, which is going to be pretty fucking special (providing the home town can deliver a better turnout than we did with Madball). These guys made it into my top ten of 2009 with their second album Dawn Of Reprisal and I've only seen them live once in the past, so one is particularly excited, innit.

Then it's the perpetually hated Trivium, with support coming from the excellent Chimaira and Whitechapel. So all in all, good things are on the horizon. Best not jinx it though...

The mighty Maiden have confirmed that their new album, without doubt the most anticipated release of 2010, will be called The Final Frontier. I can already foresee me, Shithouse and Bandy camping outside the local HMV on release day (which is as yet TBC) as I'm nowhere near an important enough music hack to get a preview copy. Although if anyone from their management is reading this, I will do anything to get my hands on it. Anything (cue horrendous and scarring image of me being sexy and seductive).

One of the most frustrating things about the last week is BBC director general Mark Thompson's proposed closure of BBC 6Music. For those of you who don't know, 6Music is a DAB radio station in the UK that delivers a genuine mix of music on a daily basis. They may not have a plethora of metal on their playlists but you can expect a healthy chunk of G'n'R, Maiden, Metallica, and the like. Plus, I got a massive rouge throbber this week when DJ Steve Lamacq span the Leatherface classic Do The Right Thing. That man deserves a fucking OBE as I didn't think anyone after the legendary John Peel would ever adorn the airwaves with the wonders of Sunderland's finest punk legends. So do me a favour; sign this petition as it may be the only way to prevent me having to listen to Lady Gaga and Girls Aloud all day in the office.

Album of the week for me has to be Wormrot's latest beauty Abuse. 23 songs,including eloquently titled So Fierce For Fuck!?, Shitlack and Fuck...I'm Drunk, this quality album is over and done with in about 20 minutes. I can honestly say that Wormrot are my favourite grindcore band from Singapore, without a doubt.

(Must digress briefly as I've got my non-Apple MP3 on shuffle at the mo and NOFX Don't Call Me White has just come one. What. A. Fucking. Tune.)

My festival update:

Sonisphere - Skunk Anansie, Funeral For A Friend, Apocalyptica, Fighstar, Apocalyptica, Gallows

Download - no announcement

Download wins, purely as I have never been less interested by announcement than Sonisphere's this week. A few good bands there but hardly enough to make you need a bit of locked-door private time.

And on that note, I bid you adieu. Oh, and check out the latest installment of my column on MetalasFuck; I know you've nothing better to do.

Have a fucking brutal weekend

M

\m/

Deathcore wins

I've never been a massive fan of slapping a genre label on bands. In days of yore, calling a band like Iron Maiden 'heavy metal' or Rush 'prog rock' made sense but in the era of 'screamo crunk', how the fuck do you decide who's what? Take Throwdown, for example; initially a hardcore band, now much more MOR metal, so I assume that makes them post-hardcore conformo-metal, or something?

My reason for this bitch is that I recently got hold of the latest album from German outfit Anima and as I tucked into the standard overblown press release waffle, the 'deathcore' label jumped out and nutted me in the balls. Deathcore is one of the genres that gets a regular kicking left, right and centre so I automatically thought "oh great". Then I started thinking (which wasn't easy) I like Whitechapel, think the most recent Annotations Of An Autopsy album is excellent and as both bands have had the deathcore shit flung in their direction, I reached a conclusion: I like deathcore. Derogatory as the tag has been, it fucking works for me, alright??

Anima's Enter The Killzone is no different to anything you'd expect from this much-maligned genre. Down-tuned guitars, grunting vocals, massively predictable breaks, backdrops of horror, screams, and general pain, etc. And to be honest, I love it. Have a look at their MySpace as this album is so heavy it'll make your bowels collapse. Although I'm sure some of you will be too damn kvlt to admit it.

Whilst we're on the subject of deathcore, I suggest any Americans reading this get in touch with Annotations Of An Autopsy. The lads' Facebook page is currently asking if anyone with space can put them up on their American tour in return for a couple of tickets to a gig. Although the prospect of waking up with Steve 'Fuck Me That's Going To Ruin Your Vocal Chords' Reagan and the boys kipping in your living room is a touch intimidating, it's got to be worth doing to support these champions of British heaviness.

And on that note, I'm off. I like deathcore so fuck you.

M

\m/

The more things change...

...The more they stay the same. Apologies to those of you were expecting some kind of radically different Metal Harmony after my hiatus last week but did Michelangelo paint the Sistine Chapel overnight? Huh? Did he ballbags. So continue to watch this space. It'll be worth it. Probably.

I had a trawl through the plethora of bands that follow me on Twitter this week in desperate search for some quality relatively unknown metal and found my search as useful as fucking a corpse in the hope of starting a family. There is a real wealth of shit out there. Don't get me wrong; A Day To Remember are a decent pop-metal band, nothing wrong there, but there's no need for 68,000 new bands to sound exactly the fucking same as them. It's indescribably boring. I did stumble across Lead Farmer though and if you like truly garage death grind, check them out

I'm also well into the new album from Valkyrja this week, entitled Contaminated. It's pure black metal and deserves to be played at a granny-bothering volume if only for the insane kick drum. Full review on Metal as Fuck in the next few days so check it out, unless you're either a total pussy or a devout Christian.

Bullet For My Valentine also gave us a taster of new album Fever this week, with a free download of Begging For Mercy. All in all, not bad. Matt Tuck's voice is still a bit weedy and the drumming's hardly something you'd drop your trousers and play with your danglers over but despite me being one of the few that didn't hate Scream Aim Fire, this is a marked improvement.

Remember how I was bitching about not being able to go to Rammstein and having to sell my tickets to Machine Head? Here's the punchline; I won four tickets to the forthcoming Hammerfest 2 festival, which includes the likes of Napalm Death, Devildriver, and many more stalwarts of savagery...but I'm unable to go. Now listen up kids; the primary problem here is money so here's my thinking: you all send me £50 (or equivalent if you're reading this outside the UK) so I can go to numerous events, and I write super lovely reviews for you all to enjoy. Anyone? No? Ungrateful bastards.

Onto shit I shall be attending though, as Download 2010 pulled a real 12-incher out of the bag this week with Rage Against The Machine and Aerosmith (with whom organiser Andy Copping assures us Steven Tyler will perform), as well as other crowd pleasers in the shape of Lamb Of God...which reminds me! The Lamb Of God gig was excellent but I was so nailed I could do about as effective a review as Helen Keller could a 100m-sprint.

Anyway, Lamb Of God, Five Finger Death Punch (not sure why so many people hate this lot) and Stone Sour, which pleases Hot Chick no end. All this being said, in order to ensure not all of my posts are about Download and Sonisphere between now and the summer, future updates on these titanic festivals will be limited to:

Download - 5FDP, Aerosmith, Stone Sour

Sonisphere - no announcement

Download wins

See what I've done there? Informative and opinionated, cunning stunt that I am.

In other news, some mob known as "Irons Maident" or something have virtually completed their new album. Can't think of anyone who cares, to be honest...

Kisses and bum sex,

M

\m/

It all started so well...

February has managed to transform from being an epically good month gig-wise to being a bit of a shitter. Events have conspired against me and the devil has once again shat in my coffee. Firstly, I was unable to attend last night's Rammstein madness, and due to a combination of poor timing and imminent bankruptcy, I've had to flog my tickets to Machine Head. So only Lamb Of God remains ahead this month but I'm expecting nothing less than crippling metal perfection there, plus Between The Buried and Me is a new live band for me and they're promising to be insane.

Also slightly disappointing is the fact that despite crowd surfing my fat carcass continually across the heads of many poor bastards and generally wreaking havoc I still failed to get into DevilDriver's Another Night In London video. This being said it's a great bit of celluloid and if you were at the HMV Forum gigs in London in October, it brings back some pleasantly warming memories.

Anyway, enough of this grizzling. There are people in the world much less fortunate than I with their gig attendance, including folks who have actually paid to see Hollywood Undead.

2010 also marks the return of the most important band in my life; Leatherface. As you may recall from Not A Day Goes By (July 3rd 2009), I fucking love this lot so new album The Stormy Petrel, released on February 22nd through Big Ugly Fish, is a boner-inducing prospect. Look out for my review in the coming weeks.

So with no Rammstein to report, I feel a bit naked in terms of content today. However, there are lots of exciting things on the horizon - new sexy Metal Harmony site, new brutal metal reviews for MetalasFuck, new unsigned Canadian carnage, so watch this space as I'm going to be after photos, demos and general shit from all you lot in the not too distant future.

Metal Harmony is on the rise mother fuckers.

M

\m/

The month of pure awesome

My second Monday blog post in as many weeks. This is due to a monumentally hungover MADman on Friday, resulting in an emergence from bed early afternoon and a margarita pizza for 'breakfast'. You get the idea.

What a week it was though. Download 2010 officially confirmed AC/DC as headliners, plus Megadeth, Bullet For My Valentine, Deftones, Motorhead - okay, so it's not going as mind-boggling as the initial Sonisphere shout but it's something for us to get our teeth into. I dutifully purchased tickets for me and Hot Chick; cannot fucking wait.

February kicks off today and I've been looking forward to it in a massive way for a few key reasons:

Feb 4th - Rammstein

Feb 13th - Lamb of God (with Job For A Cowboy, August Burns Red, Between The Buried And Me)

Feb 18th - Machine Head (with Hatebreed, Bleeding Through, Man Must Die)

Fair enough I'm going to be broke well before the end of the month but to be honest, it's going to be worth it. I've never seen Rammstein live but find myself eagerly anticipating the pyro-tastic Teutonic oiled man fest. Perhaps that says a little something about me.

For any seriously metal metallers tucking into a bit of Metal Harmony, I've been absolutely blown away by the second album from Scandinavian octet Eluveitie over the last couple of weeks. I can only really describe them as blackened folk death metal and would strongly recommend listening to Everything Remains (As It Never Was) for a truly exceptional audio experience, combining traditional instrumental folk songs with brutal blasting arse-clenchingly heavy guitar. I won't go into too much detail but the review'll be going up on MetalasFuck in a few days...

Canadian's Aeternam have also impressed me with their debut album Disciples Of The Unseen. There's a thrash vibe with black-as-hell undertones, with the occasional melodic vocal and interlude you'd expect to be playing in a Turkish bazaar. If you're planning a virginal sacrifice in your basement, this is a good choice of album to play in the background.

Whilst I have you attention, go to Annotation Of An Autopsy's MySpace (in the list) as they're streaming the new album II: The Reign Of Darkness in it's entirety. Listen to it. It will make you cry.

As a final point, thanks to Sea Of Treachery for covering Paramore's Misery Business. The original is a guilty pleasure of mine but this version is fucking insane. As always, link in the list. Fuck I'm good to you.

Tune in next time to find out if I get forcefully fisted by burly Germans in arseless chaps at Rammstein.

M

\m/

Here we go again...

Apologies for my unexplained hiatus over the last couple of Fridays; me and Hot Chick have been moving house so a lack of Internet connection has resulted in my unblogitute. I thought some of you may get all emo and start cutting if you had to wait until Friday so here's a nice Monday treat for you.

No we've got that business taken care of, onto the really important stuff: why I'm not going to Sonisphere 2010.

The lineup for this event is so good that I've filled my pants a good six or seven times. But we've been over that before. Download 2010 announces it's headliners today and AC/DC are looking like the bleedin' obvious big hitter but aside from that, look at the other key facts; Download 2010 marks the 30th anniversary of heavy metal on Donnington's hallowed grounds. The capacity has gone from 80,000 to a bafflingly huge 110,000. Tell me there isn't going to be some insanely epic names needed to shift those tickets? Think of all the bands that have played over the years - imagine a "best of Donnington" lineup. Yeah, you like that, don't you? You dirty sl....sorry, getting all excited.

Here's the rub; Download could easily shift the numbers if they got some of the poppier bands of late. The danger here is that if cuntyball fuckwarblers Metro Station or spasticated wankmonkeys Plain White Ts are there you may see news reports of an overweight skinhead committing mass murder with an over-priced Yorkshire pudding. But you take the rough with the smooth. The other lot with money to burn are the 30-40 year olds, so rumours of Van Halen and the imminent demise of The Scorpions suggests a possible repeat of Download 2009's epic 80s power rock lineup win. Plus, with Corey Taylor refusing to miss a year, Stone Sour are a pretty hot favourite for a bit of new album promotion which is a big hit with this mother fucker, then there's Soundgarden's reformation, and so on and so forth...

Isn't variety the spice of life? Download has and always will mix the brutal with the melodic, the hardcore with the mainstream, the good with the shit, and I for one am a big fan of absorbing many types of over music over the weekend.

But perhaps the most important reason of all is that Hot Chick (and I shall be slaughtered for broadcasting this) is also celebrating her 30th anniversary of being on this big ol' hunk of space rock this year. As such, what kind of gentlementaller would I be if I didn't let her pick the festival this year? After all, she gets dragged along to a lot of shows she wouldn't choose over the rest of the year so it's only fair, innit?

Don't get it twisted homies, I'd love to be at both Sonisphere and Download but that's gonna be crazy expensive and damn impossible G.

So to conclude this Monday broadcast, it looks like MADman will be at Download 2010. Provided I can nick enough bags off old women and steal the lunch money off of enough school kids to pay for the tickets.

Now it's Monday morning so stop reading this and do some fucking work. It's your fault the world's in a recession.

M
\m/

2010: A Metal Odyssey

Happy New fuckin' Decade folks. Who thought they'd live to see 2010, eh? Probably most of us but that's not particularly rock and roll. As the debate about what to call this decade rolls on, mainly amongst those with little or no sexual experience, I'm pleased to be back blogging about the shit that really matters; heavy metal, booze and using the word "cunt" in such a way that my mum isn't too disappointed.

2010 has already thrown some pretty epic shit our way - Sonisphere anyone? But some of the biggest news thus far has to be the reformation of grunge/post-grunge stalwarts Soundgarden which may just about prevent Chris Cornell forever being seen as a total cunt. Did you hear his last single? How in the name of Dave Mustaine's ginger pubes that shite came from the same man who did Black Hole Sun and Jesus Christ Pose is beyond comprehension. I'll wager a bag of shiny silver they end up treading the boards at Download 2010.

On a lesser scale, the reformation of Travis Barker and Tim Armstrong's The Transplants looks set to happen in 2010. Although Diamonds and Guns has been locked in an underground basement and continually raped by shampoo adverts for the past few years it's still one of the catchiest tunes I've ever come across; I'm interested to see what these boys come up with next.

But all this pales in comparison to the big release of the year. Ladies, gentlemen and confused transgender types; spring 2010 sees the release of Roses & Thorns, the autobiography of the one and only Poison frontman, Brett Michaels. Cannot fucking wait.

And now to Norwich. If you've never been to Norwich, you're missing out on, um, some stuff. Lots of churches and a pub for every day of the year if my memory serves me correctly. Norwich was also the birthplace of the greatest band that never was: Massive Towbar. Massive Towbar was a project conceived by me and Big Mearz, the most Norfolk man in history. Our aim was to combine our favourite styles of the time into one conceptual powerhouse of punk and metal, with inspiration ranging from Cradle of Filth to Pist.On to NOFX. Unfortunately, he played bass, I played drums, and we never actually played together once but alas, the legend of Massive Towbar remains strong. My (somewhat tenuous) point is, Norwich creates some fucking brutal musicians. I've been digging into the new Annotations Of An Autopsy album for MetalasFuck and II: The Reign Of Darkness is kicking off the new year in the most horribly brutal of ways. It is, without exception, one of the heaviest albums I've come across and the best thing is, it's from these hallowed shores, particularly from the oft-maligned East Anglian region.

The British death metal scene has been a bit lacklustre of late but we're starting to produce some serious noisemakers who are causing trouble all over the place. Trigger The Bloodshed and Malefice both produced albums that hit my 2009 top 10, and AOAA have impressed the UK's music press with their latest outing. It's good to see bands from towns and cities we all know and love taking brutality to a new level. Despite not being particularly patriotic, I do get a smile on my face and a pang of pride when people from overseas read my reviews, listen to the albums and go "fuck this is heavy!".

On a final note, am I the only person who still buys CDs? Am I the only one who likes reading sleevenotes and lyrics nowadays? Does a download version of Judas Priest's British Steel have the same impact as the razor blade-adorned 12-inch or CD?

Until next time,

M
\m/

A time for reflection

What a year it's been, eh? The metal festivals were epic, the gigs were astonishing, and the nutters at MetalasFuck, BorninBlood and Rock Radio decided to publish the bollocks that I write. I joined Twitter, drank alcohol to the point of vomiting several times, got punched in the face twice and slept on a bench once. I had the worst year in history at work but aside from that, 2009 has been alright to be honest.

But what kind of blog would this be if I didn't do a "Top stuff of 2009" list? All bored of reading them yet? Unlucky.

So here's my top ten for this year, and a brief explanation why as I'm sure you can't be fucked to read pages and pages of justifications:

10. Malefice - Dawn of Reprisal
The second album keeps up the momentum of their debut. Malefice proved to the metal world that the UK does it fucking hard and fucking heavy

9. Suicidal Angels - Sanctify The Darkness
Greek thrashers take organised religion and slap the shit out of it. Hardly ground breaking but hugely compelling and full of brutal honesty

8. Milking the Goatmachine - Back From The Goats
The most ridiculous thing I heard all year, this album takes grind to a new level of stupidity. It's great fun and painfully harsh on the ears. Perfect for making sweet love to your lady down by the fire...

7. The Black Dahlia Murder - Deflorate
Highly anticipated and rightly so, Trevor Strnad and the boys pulled an absolute blinder with this. Heavier than a constipated bi-polar elephant and the only music to listen to if you're off out for a scrap

6. Amon Amarth - The Crusher Reissue
The music may not be as polished as with later albums but this reissue gives newcomers to the Amon Amarth brand a chance to hear where it all started. Plus, the live CD of the entire album is a-fucking-stounding

5. Outloud - We'll Rock You To Hell And Back
Without doubt, the most fun album of 2009. 80's cock rock is done often and it ain't always done right but Outloud absolutely nailed it. Just the right amount of cheese makes this a worthy addition to the ol' collection

4. Trigger The Bloodshed - The Great Depression
New drummer, new vocalist, new boot up the arse of the critics. Based on The Great Depression, there is no doubt that TTB are spearheading the new wave of UK death metal. Expect a lot more from these boys in 2010

3. Austrian Death Machine - Double Brutal
Heavy as hell metal based on Arnie's films which is piss your pants funny from start to finish; it has a song called I Need You Clothes, Your Boots and Your Motorcycle, for Christ's sake. Buy it.

2. Lamb Of God - Wrath
LOG have been producing consistently exceptional music for years but Wrath raised the bar. With Randy Blythe's tonsil-rupturing vocals and some of the tightest musicianship in the metal world, this album ripped my balls off and shoved them down my throat. Absolutely fucking excellent.

1. DevilDriver - Pray For Villains
This won't be a surprise for those of you who know me. It was a tough call between Pray For Villains and Wrath but I had to go with the 'Driver. The Last Kind Words, the predecessor to Pray For Villains, is one of my albums of the decade and as such, was a tough act to follow. But Dez Fafara et al combined personal struggles, insane drumming, pounding grooves and catchy as fuck choruses to produce a savagely good piece of work. They got a lot more fans on the back of this album and after a killer performance at Download 2009 and their own headline tour, DevilDriver is a deserving winner for me.

"But MADman, you crazy cock face, what the fuck happened to Rammstein and Megadeth? Are you some sort of cunt?" Yes, yes I am. However, I've not included these guys in my list as although both are excellent, this is my personal opinion. So please dry your eyes, but feel free to give me some shit if you feel it necessary.

I also got to talking to Sa-da-Ko this year, who remain my unsigned band of choice for 2009. Hopefully we'll get an album from these guys in 2010 and I've plenty of faith that it'll make a loud, unpleasant, face-melting noise within the UK metal scene.

So that's me. I hope you lot have enjoyed reading Metal Harmony this year - if you come back in 2010, I'd gratefully appreciate it. And tell your mates. And send me money. And gifts.

Have a fucking brutal Christmas and New Year. Eat, drink, and listen to heavy metal.

M
\m/

Is this the end? Not a chance

**DISCLAIMER**
MADman had an exceptionally big night, with highlights including sleeping briefly on a bench on the banks of the Thames and getting home as Hot Chick was off to work. Therefore, if the following is total bullshit, he accepts no responsibility whatsoever. In addition, any criticism may make him cry

It has to be said that the lineup for Download 2009 was a fucking sterling effort by the organisers. Motley, Slipknot, Journey, Leppard, a reformed Faith No More; the list is extensive and I was pretty convinced that this was as good as it was ever going to get. But on Wednesday, December 9th, the goalposts weren't so much moved, more taken over to North Korea and discretely obliterated in a covert underground nuclear explosion. The rumour mill had been circulating the possibility of Iron Maiden headlining Sonisphere UK 2010 and sure enough, there they were. However, what wasn't expected was the additional information that Rammstein, Alice Cooper, Slayer, The Cult, Anthrax and Iggy and The Stooges would also be on the bill. Read that again. And again. Now pause, go make a cup of tea, think about how much that list fucking rules and continue reading.

I love the Download Festival. It's an epic weekend. But in 2010, it's going to have one hell of a fight against Sonisphere based on this initial announcement. Not all of us can afford tickets to both and if there's a decision to be made, it's going to have to be something arse-rapingly astonishing to pull people away from the Irons. Few bands have the same draw but some of the names in the hat have pretty widespread appeal that would bring some non-metal money through the door - Bon Jovi are a big rumour, as are Green Day. I'd love to see both but Slayer, Anthrax, Alice...Andy Copping and the Download team had better have something inexplicably phenomenal planned. Ozzy? Or Sabbath with the original lineup? Megadeth? How about Queen with the original lineup? That'd be impressive. Bit dull after a while though.

There are clearly a million bands that can make a festival as hot as your first dump the morning after twelve pints and a madras but it's the big guns that get the numbers. I'm not suggesting Download is going to pack it's bags and fuck off - this is the 30th year of Donnington-based metallness after all. But Sonisphere has come to the UK with a global pedigree. It's cheaper, plus they're currently giving away free tickets to Sonisphere Poland with every weekend ticket to the UK event. The crazy futher muckers.

So what's it gonna be, Download? What have you got for us?

Please God, NOT My Chemical Romance again.

M
\m/

Time to retire?

A sad fact dawned upon me this week: I may be getting too old for the pit. I'm not suggesting that I won't be up for the mosh when the circle starts up but particularly at hardcore shows, it just takes me too long to recover nowadays. The catalyst to this thought process is the fact that my back still fucking kills after windmilling like a mental at Madball on Tuesday night. Sometimes needs must though, eh?

It was extraordinary seeing such a legendary hardcore band playing in my quiet little town. Their relative lack of popularity in my locale meant it was no problem to walk straight up to the stage, put the smack down in the pit, shake hands with frontman Freddy Cricien, and wander back to the bar. But even though me and the four chaps I was with were having an awesome time, the lack of serious crowd numbers was a bit embarrassing, to be honest. Kicking off their 20th anniversary tour in front of 50 people is probably not what Madball expected but to their credit, they didn't give it any less passion, with songs like Set It Off and 100% tearing the venue a new arsehole.

And fuck me they're a scary looking bunch of bastards.

One particular punter was on a mission to get smashed in the face in the pit. He requested I elbow him as hard as possible, which I politely declined as I feel he would have regretted it. Matey boy then walked round the pit with his face at waist level trying to catch a blow from a windmill. Next thing he was being dragged off of the floor by his mates. Mission accomplished buddy.

So thanks Madball, for making a fucking massive effort, even if my home town didn't.

The rumour mill has been churning and word on the street had been that the winner of this year's reality TV abomination The X Factor would be releasing Journey's Don't Stop Believin as their Christmas single. Folks, do not panic. It transpires that it's actually going to be some horrendous Miley Cyrus affair. I firmly believe this is because we, the metal, the rock, the alternative, rose up and made our voices heard - one example being 50,000 joined the Facebook group preventing it from happening, which is a great thing as if I heard one of the toothy little cunts ruining an epic anthem I will be forced to bear arms and kill indiscriminately.

And for all you unsigned mentals, Unbelievable Music UK are after unsigned talent for an online compilation they're doing in 2010 so contact them for more info - link in usual place, of course, you numpties.

It's the time of year/decade for top tens, so that's on my mind at present...watch this space for MADman's views in a couple of weeks. I know; you can hardly wait.

Take care of yourselves. And each other.

M
\m/

Punk's not dead

Last weekend really was the shit. Not only did I get to sample some upcoming British metal talent in the shape of Arxis and Snakebite but I also saw Rise Against, one of my favourite acts of all time, giving it plenty in Brixton. That, my friends, is what a weekend is all about.

Following on from witnessing Chicago's finest, I'm in a punk mood right now which essentially means listening to fuck loads of Leatherface, Pennywise and Lagwagon just like the old days. Plus, I'm off to see Madball next week which is going to be more punk that spitting on an ugly bird with a mohawk and tartan skin-tights. And whilst we're on the subject of muthafuckin' hardcore, I've recently encountered Rhinoceros, a straight-edge band from Buffalo. These guys are pure and simple, smash-your-face-in hardcore so go have a listen (link's in the list, of course).

But as with all of my recent posts, I've got to be serious briefly. Legendary metal frontman and pioneer of the "metal horns" Ronnie James Dio has been diagnosed with stomach cancer. They've caught it early doors so things are looking okay but still, spare a thought for the crazy little mentalist.

On the up side, the best news I've heard this week though is that Stone Sour are heading back to the studio in January for a spring release of their third album. Hopefully this means we can expect to see them at Download 2010 as ol' Corey does love the event. I'm going to have to immerse myself in either class A drug smuggling or white slave trafficking to afford a couple of tickets this year. Or sell my pants of eBay. Seemingly people like that shit. I'll just pretend I'm a lesbian teenager and we're all set.

Finally, massive fucking horns up to local metallers Echovirus for getting onto the Hammerfest 2010 bill. I'm a big fan of these guys (check out my post from July 7th, 'Infectious 'Virus') and they're a worthy additional to the line-up. Good work gentlemen.

I now need to get a sausage and egg bap because as usual, I have a fucking huge hangover.

M

\m/

Thrashing loveliness

You know there's thrash metal? You know there are some pioneers of thrash metal? How would you feel if three of the biggest names were touring together? Would it excite you? If so, time to move to the USA to catch the forthcoming tour of Megadeth, Testament and Slayer. There's been rumours of a big four thrash tour including Anthrax and Metallica for some time but in real world terms, this is as good as it's going to get. Rest assured though, this tour is more than likely going to hit these shores in 2010, probably in time for festival season.

And talking of festival season, Download 2010 tickets went on sale yesterday - unfortunately I haven't got the spare £270 for mine and Hot Chick's ticket at present but the discount's running until Christmas Eve, so I'm going out mugging tonight to see what I can do. The best thing about the Download ticket announcement is the headliner speculation kicks off, which generally involves Slayer, AC/DC and Led Zeppelin. At present, I'm going to suggest:

Friday: Rammstein
Saturday: Bon Jovi
Sunday: Green Day

Can't wait for the first complaints when the top billers are announced in January/February. Hopefully this year the moaners will fuck off to Hammerfest, Bloodstock or Hard Rock Hell - the UK's got plenty of metal festivals after all.

On the subject of brutal hardcore metal, one of my all-time favourite bands HIM are providing us with the latest installment of their "love metal" whitterings in February next year, entitled Screamworks: Love In Theory & Practice. This is supported with a UK tour that as of yet has no London date but before the 16-year-old girls start slicing at their wrists, this will only be down to sorting a venue. And for those of you who hate the soft shit, pyramid-inspired insaniacs Nile are playing in London on December 15th with support from such pop starlets as Krisiun, Grave, Ulcerate and Corpus Mortale. One for all the family.

As an aside, I'm loving the fact that not only did Shithouse text me from his motor whilst doing 110mph to tell me he was listening to DevilDriver yesterday, but I also bumped into a bloke I didn't know who was wearing an I Could Fucking Care Less sleeveless in my home town. 'Driver world domination continues...

I'm off to review the new GWAR album; I really don't think there's enough talk of dead or retarded babies in the world nowadays.

M
\m/

Brutality and goats

Metal is a funny old thing. To the general public, 'metal' is quite simply 'heavy metal'. Only those in the know or sad losers like me have even an inkling of sludge, grind, death, groove, thrash, black, goregrind, mathcore, pornogrind, folk, and so on and so forth. But this week even I was taken aback by goatgrind. I mean, there are some fucked up genres of music in this world but listening to Milking The Goatmachine's Back From The Goats really took things to a new level. They're not wholly serious, as you would imagine but the music is savagely heavy and I can see them developing quite a following amongst the underground mentallists of the metal scene. I reviewed the album for MetalasFuck so go there if you want to find out more.

At the other end of the metallic spectrum I've been given the opportunity to interview culture-transcending troupe the Brutal Ballet Company. Instead of pink tutus and lace, this collective of lasses from Australia perform traditional ballet dressed in PVC with white contacts and corpse paint, and rather than Tchaikovsky they move to the dulcet tones of Dethklok, performed by a live tribute band. Nice. I can't say too much more at this stage but it got me thinking, what other traditional dance styles could take a metal turn? Could the little bells and bits of wood be replaced by animal bones and weighty clubs for Viking Metal Morris Dancing? Could the flowing dresses and tight leather trousers be replaced by lacy basques and spiked chaps for Norwegian Death Salsa? The opportunities are truly endless.

In other news I've been completely overawed by ChthoniC this week, particularly the immensely dark and uncompromisingly heavy 49 Theurgy Chains. The Taiwanese quintet play some of the darkest, heaviest black metal I've heard for fucking ages so any fans of the genre should click on the link in my list and check them out. They combine the nastiness of the Scandinavian sound with the use of traditional Taiwanese instruments, which produces shit hot results. I think the name is meant to be pronounced like 'sonic' but I have no fucking idea. All I know are there are yet another example of insane noisemakers from the Far Eastern part of this lowly planet. Girly trio Gallhammer produce some horrendous heaviness, and Dir En Grey take the insanity of Rammstein and versatility of Slipknot or Nine Inch Nails to produce absolutely epic works. And let's not forget Fat Wreck Chord's finest Hi-Standard - their cover of California Dreamin' is still one of my favourite covers of all time. If you haven't heard it, you have an enormous hole in your life.

Now to create more brutal subgenres of metal. Keep your eyes peeled for banjogrind...

M
\m/

People suck, labels rule

It's generally accepted that as a metaller, punk, goth, whatever, you're going to get looked at. People will make comments, you might get the odd snigger but that's all part of the fun, isn't it? I love getting a reaction from people and I think if you're reading this blog, you probably do too.

What really grinds my gears is arseholes. Not actual arseholes, for they are simply a functional orifice. I mean arseholes who decide it's okay to assault women on her wedding day because she's got pink hair. Last weekend, Lucy Emmingham and her new hubby were leaving their wedding reception, at which point she got pushed down a flight of concrete stairs by three cunts, then beaten and kicked, leaving her in a real state. I've put a link to the article in my list, please have a read. After Sophie Lancaster, you'd hope people would have learned a lesson.

Apologies for the immensely heavy opening to this post but it needed to be said!

And now onto the usual nonsensical babblings...

I've just finished a list of questions for an interview with Australian melodic metallers Voyager which I'll be writing up on MetalasFuck in the not too distant future. I'm keen to find out who they think would win in a fight between them and A-Ha as I'm sure you all are (don't worry, that will make sense once the interview's published). I can't make up my mind about Voyager. Part of me thinks it's decent, crisp metal but the other part of me thinks it's a bit fucking weedy. Not that everything needs 800bpm double kick and vocals that would set off your nan's arthritis but a bit of guts is always good.

I'm a big fan of record labels this week. Roadrunner have kind distributed Awake, a track from Mutiny Within's debut album. It's an awesome mix of blastbeats and metalcore; if the rest of the album turns out this good, happy fucking days. Also, Earache have decided that Gama Bomb's new album should be given away free so if you're a fan of thrashing like a spastic in three minute bursts, click on the link, get some beers in and enjoy.

Until next time...

M
\m/

Fun in public toilets

I like Guinness a lot. The rich, silky, slightly metallic taste, the deep, peaty aroma; everything about it is right. Problem is, the day after indulging in a number of these darkened treats you tend to feel like you're being violently raped in the head by a moose whilst having to control a stomach hell bent of leaving your arse with kidneys, liver and eyeballs in tow.

To summarise, I have a hangover. But lo, good things have happened this week, the main being New York hardcore legends Madball announcing a 20th anniversary UK tour, which inexplicably includes a 250-capacity converted public toilet about five minutes from my flat. Combine this with a couple of tickets to see Trivium in March 2010, supported by the awesome Chimaira and unbelievably brutal Whitechapel and all in all, happy fucking days.

It's largely accepted that liking Trivium is uncool amongst the metal elitist penises but I'll say it loud and proud - I really like Trivium (fair enough that wasn't particularly loud but it's the best I can muster). Having seen them a number of times, including a tiny London gig that raised the bar hugely("And then it happened...again", December 12th 2008), they always put on an awesome show so fuck you, alright? This being said, my main reason for bruising the ol' credit card is Whitechapel. Ever since hearing This Is Exile and almost starting to cry due to it's sheer savagery, I've been keen to see if the over-stringed guitar weilders can do the same at a live show. Most folks say yes but until it's proven, I'm reserving judgement.

As I'm a lucky bastard, I've secured a copy of Amon Amarth's Versus the World Reissue, which if it's anything like The Crusher Reissue, is going to peel my face of and replace it with the severed beard of a fallen Viking warlord.

If I may rant briefly, I'm pissed off with Atreyu. The new album Congregation of the Damned was released this week and being a bit gay for Atreyu, I got a substantial sense of scrotal tightening when I saw that for one day only, the album was available for download at the handsome price of $3.99. I don't normally download albums as I like everything about CDs (which I suppose is old fashioned now?) but for £1.50, I'd have to be an indescribable cunt not to, eh? So I set up the Amazon download tool thingy, clicked on "buy", did all that nonsense, only to be informed that the offer was only open to the USA. Rubbish. So if anyone from Atreyu is reading this (ha!) send me a copy or I'll whinge further. Or I'll just go and buy it, to be honest.

Oh, and cheers to the folk at Rock Radio for thinking my shit is good enough to have on their site - my blog on there will be updated a couple of times a month with yet more insightful wonderings from an opinionated drunk. There's a load of other cool shit on there so click on the link and have a gander.

Got to run - Guinness revenge.

Ciao

M

\m/